Liz's adventure

Eulogy for Liz

2011-10-09T06:06:00.001-07:00

My eulogy to Liz:

When Liz was first diagnosed with lung cancer, she saw it as a wake-up call from God to return to Him, and to serve Him with boldness.

Never once did she get angry with God or challenge Him why He had allowed this on her. At times when I angrily questioned God why He did not heal her she would be sad and remind me that all would be done in His time.

While she may not have been physically healed, I know God worked in other tremendous ways in her life.

She was independent and strong all throughout the 2year plus period she fought the disease. She signed up for bible study courses, attended prayer meetings, Elpizo support group meetings and continued tirelessly updating her blog.

On weekends when she could, she would still cook for the kids – all their favourite food and ran a tight ship keeping the house clean from the 3 grubby men in her life.

She still planned our holidays in her own immaculate detailed way.

Through her plight she united a divided church to intercede for her, encouraged our cell group members to stay faithful in their walk and reached out to countless friends and strangers, believers and non-believers, through her blog. She even made new friends with fellow cancer-sufferers through her blog and met them and encouraged them.

In the last few months of her journey, we have been so blessed by the love of our church, our family and friends and even complete strangers who were moved by her plight to raise funds for new treatment.

In our home, a steady stream of friends and family visiting, praying and singing praises with her, uplifted her spirits and brought back joy to our household. Even friends staying the night with her to care for her, relieving us to rest, and cooking for our kids showed that God was providing for us.

I don’t want to remember my lovely Liz as the bed-ridden, emaciated cancer sufferer. I want to remember her as the bravest woman I know, whom I had the joy of sharing my life with in more than 11 years of marriage and whose memory will continue to live on in her life’s work, her children and her blog.

While we will all miss her deeply, we will continue to see Liz living on in her 2 boys: Nicholas has all her gentleness, creativity and love for people. Ethan has all her strong will, brilliant hand-eye co-ordination, great dance moves and love for outdoor activities.

In closing, I just want to share this little extract from her blog entry to encourage all of you. These were the words she shared a little while after being diagnosed

Each day He brings new revelation as I draw closer to Him seeking His face. And living in God’s presence is far more beautiful than anything else and has even overshadowed the disease. I say, blessed be the name of the Lord. I see Him not only working in my life but in Henry’s life, my mum’s life and even in my cell group’s lives and I pray that you too will “catch the fire”.

Thank you. Please do catch the fire and renew your faith anew in the Lord.

Liz has gone home to the Lord

2011-10-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

Henry: I know Liz has touched many lives in her constant updates and blogs ever since she began her adventure. While we are sad to see her go, we know that at last she no longer has to suffer and has returned to her real home where there will be no more tears and sadness. She left us on Thursday evening Oct 6th, 2011 in the hospital around 7.20pm after being too weak to withstand what was supposed to have been a simple tapping exercise to help her in her breathing.

I have lost my friend, my lover, my confidante in this world but I know that we'll meet again soon. Truly, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

In her last days she was getting a bit incoherent and finding difficulty focusing but she did manage to start one last post which she never finished:

"Feeling unwell

I am now currently experoieng (sic) sickening. Hamir expected that my voice would be recover soon. Praise the Lord!

I thank my relatives and friends who visited"

Always faithful to the end. Liz, we love you and miss you and look forward to seeing you again.

Henry, Nic and Ethan

Psalm 91

2011-09-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Annette for reminding me of Psalm 91. This is one psalm that I have memorized by heart and was really helpful to me two years ago when I was so filled with fear but 2 Timothy 1:7 says that fear is not from God, so it must be from the devil and that we allow it to be manipulated by the devil.

Saying out Psalm 91, especially in the night and my mind thinks of all sorts of things, teaches me to calm down and brings a lot of assurance to me. Praise the Lord! God brings me peace to my heart. :) at first, it did not do anything for me until I turned the Psalm to me personally as follows:

Psalm 91

1 When I dwell in the shelter of the Most High
   I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “You are my refuge and my fortress,
   my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely You will save me from the fowler’s snare
   and from the deadly pestilence.
4 You will cover me with Your feathers,
   and under Your wings I will find refuge;
   Your faithfulness will be my shield and rampart.
5 I will not fear the terror of night,
   nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
   nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at my side,
   ten thousand at my right hand,
   but it will not come near me.
8 I will only observe with my eyes
   and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If I make the Most High my dwelling—
   even the LORD, who is my refuge—
10 then no harm will befall me,
   no disaster will come near my tent.
11 For You will command Your angels concerning me
   to guard me in all Your ways
12 they will lift me up in their hands,
   so that I will not strike my foot against a stone.
13 I will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
   I will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because you love me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue you;
"Because you acknowledges my name, I will protect you".
15 I will call upon You and You will answer me;
   You will be with me in trouble,
   You will deliver me and honor me.
16 With long life will You satisfy me
   and grant me Your salvation.”

God's words are true and He really has shown me the many many times He has rescues me, the many many times He loves me, even through my family and friends. :) His angels come and encamp around about me and my family. Oh Lord, I love you so very much. Thank You Jesus so much for Your love for me! I praise You Jesus! I exalt You, Lord, I magnify Your name! :)

Update

2011-09-19T07:02:00.001-07:00

Update

Praise the Lord that Dr Beh is due to discuss with two doctors specialized in Gendicine to solve the blood clot around the right lung. Please pray for God's wisdom to be poured on these doctors during the discussion. I just feel so blessed that God's hand is at work to bring these docs together during this complication but nothing is impossible to God.

Hamir just prayed for me over the phone. The anointing was so strong I started to cry. I felt the Holy Spirit cover me and reminding me that I will live! Praise the Lord!

There was suddenly a call from Heartscan Bangsar to ask me to come in for the 6th treatment. I was very encouraged by the news and after treatment i did feel slightly better. However, my brain became a bit fuzzy so much so I couldn't talk properly though in my mind I knew what I wanted to say. So weird! Thankful, my brain has gone back to normal again. Whew!

Thank you to all of you that greeted me on my birthday today. I am very touched. Thank you so very much!

I am slightly stronger today because I find myself walking all by myself. Praise the Lord! The best part is when I start panting from walking around the room, I can quickly hook myself to the oxygen machine to catch breath and top up oxygen into my body.

Thank You for the surprise Birthday Party!

2011-09-18T03:55:00.000-07:00

Thank You for the surprise Birthday Party!

Some ex-CCF members from church gave me a surprise when they jumped out one by one from the stairs to greet me "Happy Birthday"! But this time most of them came with their children. Previously, we were all single except one couple. They earlier wanted to set the table and banner downstairs before inviting me down. But I almost messed up their plans because I surprised Henry and my mum earlier by coming downstairs unaided! :)

Ee Leng even popped foil streamers cracker In-house. :) What a lovely surprise! Cheng Yi baked my favorite orange poppy seed cake. Yummy! There were just surprise after surprise, food wise, people wise - everything! We also had freshly baked bread, melon balls salad, edamame salad, soba noodles and guacamole. Yummy!

Tzu Anne wanted to repeat the little 'performance' I was made to do way back on 19.9.1999 (the theme of the party was based on the TV series "Space 1999"). I was so inspired back then to hold my birthday party based on the TV series because of the number of rolling 9s. But it back fired when Tzu Anne made me wear a pointy bra made of silver foil! Tsk! Tsk! Thankfully for her compassionate this round. :)

Coincidentally, a few of my uncles and aunty, sis and nephew also showed up and we all had a good time together. What a lovely blessing from God! Thank you my dear friends for the lovely celebration together. I will always treasure this moment. :)

Update- Admitted to Sg Buloh Hospital on 12/9/11 at 1.30 am

2011-09-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

Update - admitted to Sg Buloh Hospital on 12/9/11 at 1.30 am

It was an interesting ordeal for me since it never happened to me before and I could not remember the main crisis part so it wasn't scary for me. I had to interview Henry and my mum to fill in the blanks. I can imagine it was a really scary and anxious time for Henry and my mum. So, here is recalling (with some help) what happened.

12/9/11 at 12.45 am

Henry told me I asked him to take me to toilet (even this I can't remember!) When I returned to bed, I got into a fit for few minutes - my eyes rolled up and I clenched my hands to my side.

My mum said I fainted for a while and my eyes opened to look around but I was not responding to any of them. They called the ambulance and the men came to our room to take me into the ambulance. Apparently as I was so uncomfortable on the cold stretcher, it was cold metal that I screamed "Dear, help me, help me! I am so cold! and there was adrenaline rush, I was so strong that I sat up! They brought along my quilt. :)

It was only at the Sg Buloh hospital at 2 am that I first recalled when I opened my eyes and i was wondering why I was in the hospital and which hospital. Henry and I were in the Accident and Emergency Ward (A & E Ward) when they finally placed me in ward 4D at 6 pm after 16 hours. It did turn out that A & E ward was better coz it was air conditioned, the service was better coz there were more staff in a smaller section. It was still comfortable in ward 4D coz we each had a ceiling fan over every bed. God poured rain everyday, His showers of blessings to cool the weather each day! Praise the Lord!

They first put oxygen as soon as I was in the ambulance and I kept fighting against it until about 2 am. They continued with oxygen when I was in A & E and they gave me saline and sodium drip as soon as the doc diagnosed me for low in sodium.

Day 2 - 13/9/11

Still groggy but better appetite today. Still on drip for more saline.

Day 3 - 14/9/11

I found out the doctor was going to withdraw fluid from my lungs even though we didn't suggest. Now that is really scary for me. I always thought withdrawing was from the lungs itself but apparently not! The fluid is outside the lungs and pushing the lungs so that it is difficult to expand. He poked a tiny needle in on my ride side of the ribcage after local anesthesia onto the spot and he managed to suck out 1.2 liters of straw fluid with a bit of blood stain.

Doc still insist I stay an additional night because my sodium level was only 1.26 and not hit the recommended 1.30 level yet. I was immediately put back on the drip.

I had some aches on my bum coz of so much rest and difficulty sleeping so guess what I received? 5 ml of morphine! It taste like bitter 7 up ha ha! They had no codeine DF118, only morphine. Interesting.

Day 4 - 15/9/11

After another bag of sodium in saline, I finally hit the sodium level of 130! praise the Lord! I was finally discharged at 12.30 pm and the timing was very good as we had time to go home to freshen up, rest and make our way to Heartscan Bangsar to meet Dr Beh for the Gendicine treatment which must take place every 3 to 4 days.

The blessed experience from the few minutes of fit which I do not remember suffering was my sodium level was pumped up and the fluid was withdrawn from outside my lungs and I was fed with more oxygen. :) thank you Jesus. That is what You mean when Your best interest takes place from certain ordeals!

Back with Dr Beh, he decided he would use the saline drip to carry out both P53 and for the withdrawal of fluid outside the lungs. This was because a scan showed that there was still a lot of fluid which was adding pressure to the lungs still causing me breathlessness when I move around.

He poked from the same area as Dr Aaron Hew of Sg Buloh hospital did. But it was all dry even after several poking. He said that means me the whiteness on the scan represents blood clot which is worse coz it is nothing Dr Beh can do. It hit me suddenly that is how God will show me when there is a turnaround, it is through His hand in whatever He will use or directly from His power. Now, it seems impossible to men but all things are possible with God. I put my hope and my trust in God because I AM HELPED! :) Praise the Lord! :)

We bought an oxygen machine and a heart and oxygen pacer from Maycare in Bangsar. Ethan is so cute. He loves to measure his oxygen level to 100 and quickly passes the pacer to me so that I can get 100 too! Such a joy. Without the pacer my reading for oxygen level is 92. Normal is between 95 to 100. My heart rate can be between 80 to 111 even resting! Currently with the oxygen tube on, my oxygen level is 98 and my heartbeat resting is 92.

Thank you for all your love, prayer and support even by visits from some of you. :) We feel so loved! :) Thank you so very much especially for Henry who must have gone through a lot each day running up and down and even going back home each night and back every morning.

Ethan says "poor thing" to me and I said "no" and he quickly corrects himself and say "mummy is strong and healthy in Jesus' name!" :) he is entertaining me now with lots of his art work, a heart, 2 combs, a fan and a flat lantern of cowboys and aliens all made of paper. Very entertaining. Nic is just happy I am home with them right now. I miss them all too. :)

Update - P53 Gendicine treatment #5

2011-09-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

Update - P53 Gendicine treatment #5

Day 1 - Treatment and Right after Gendicine treatment #5

Before the treatment, I was feeling so weak and I had poor appetite, only a quarter of a bowl of sphaghetti. At Heartscan Bangsar, it took me awhile to climb the stairs. Although Henry let me watch "The Banquet", I was so tired most of the time. Towards the end, after the nurse gave me a snack, I felt energized. After the treatment #5, I immediately felt stronger, able to walk faster, appetite returned partly because voltran was injected into me. Henry and i even had dinner together to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary which was on 8 September! Prior to treatment we weren't sure whether we could celebrate and mummy wanted me to eat at home. But that ain't no celebration. It would seem everything is normal coz it would be over my leftover sphaghetti. Later at night, mild headache developed. I took a panadol and an arcoxia. My voice was still like a whisper and mummy and Henry had to strain their ears to hear me.

Day 2 - the morning after treatment #5

Surprise, surprise! The first thing Henry said when I woke up and spoke was that I am stronger today because my voice was stronger. :) Praise the Lord! I walked faster and I even wanted to go out for a very short walk. But as soon as I opened the gate and returned the keys to the house, I was panting again! So sweet of Henry who immediately encouraged that by next week, I would not be breathless anymore because Dr Beh said he will evaluate me on Monday and schedule a day to take out any fluid from my lungs. I would normally be afraid but after two years I am bold as a lion according to God's word! Still a bit fearful but I look towards God's words and His promises.

That was my bunny self again trying to exercise again. I had to lie down and try again a few minutes to exercise again later. Alas it was drizzling! So, we guessed God did not want me to go out. I walked around the house and in the garden for a wee while and actually that was enough for me. Had to rest again. I started to cough quite a bit when swallowing the tablets. Funnily I was not in the mood in doing so and instead started a coughing frenzy. That made me weak again and my voice went back to a whisper. Sigh. Still I rest and went to tidy up my wardrobe. Imagine I could not do any of this before. I just have to keep resting in between so as not to overstrain myself. It is like going to gym and checking your heart rate now and then so as not to overstrain but imagine my level now! I observed that my appetite is back to good again ie a full breakfast and juice as well. Praise the Lord!

2 days ago while praying in the morning, the Holy Spirit spoke to Henry and gave him an idea to consider sending me to China if HITV is not then recommended by Dr Beh after Gendicine.. In China there is an added procedure with Gendicine to inject nitric liquid(.) into me to kill the tumour and to further clear it off with chemo. Chemo with Gendicine has much lesser side effects, that is the beauty off it. Henry had done some reading and he now has to ask the right doctors in China to make sure that it is workable as an alternative. That was how the holy spirit spoke to Henry 2 years ago when the holy spirit told me to tell Henry to fast and pray and as a result we told the fifth oncologist to use Tarceva instead. I think Dr Foo saw our determination that she never asked me to do a Tarceva test which would take another two weeks to get the results. Also, God had wanted me to start taking Tarceva immediately which tied to King Wai's burden to ask us to act immediately coz it was already two weeks after my first ct scan. And you remember the miracle that all aches and pain left me with only ONE tarceva pill which Dr Foo said was impossible. Praise the Lord! I know God is working something out for me now. Praise the Lord!

Do pray for me for next week's Gendicine treatment visits, on Monday and Thursday, blood test on Monday and the fluid withdrawal from the lungs next week. Thanking you all in advance. :)

Target of RM250k achieved!

2011-09-07T05:59:00.000-07:00

Thank you all so much for your kindness and abundant blessings. Because of your loving kindness and support, we have reached the target of RM250k so quickly. I want to thank Abba Father for His providence of these new treatments together with financial help when he burdened you all to help me. I am in so much awe and my faith in God has leaped. :) We need not worry anymore about finances to be paid for these treatments if everything is to be done in Malaysia but as explained, at least another RM50k is necessary if a procedure for HITV is done in Japan but we will need Dr Beh to confirm again later after the results from P53 Gendicine. So, any extra funds coming in will be held for this purpose.

On Monday, my base line report came out to be compared with later results. My face grimaced in pain looking at it. It seems like the cancer is everywhere. I dare not even mention here because you might only think of death. We need to look at Jesus because what man thinks is impossible but with God, anything is possible. It hasn't been easy recently because of the aches on my bum and my threshold of pain is low. But it has no power nor dominance over me for I am a worshipper of God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Steven lee called me this morning and gave me much encouragement. Of late, because of my aching bum, I tend to look at the circumstance coz I am feeling so uncomfortable. Steven said in his spirit he knows that God has a purpose for me. He says it not to say nice things to me but he senses it deep in his spirit. My purpose is to glorify God. He has observed me and has seen wonderful things God is doing in my life and he has seen my faith leaped through this journey. He said I should look at God as a big great God so that all this pain and aches and circumstance will be just a tiny mole. I said yes, they are under my feet! He asked me to pray for God's double anointing every morning. I have almost forgotten all this because of the pain and I am so glad he called me to remind of how great God is and what He has done for me all this while. I am the righteousness of God in Christ.

Malachi 4:2
But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture

I am the righteousness of God in Christ!
I am the righteousness of God in Christ!
I am the righteousness of God in Christ!

Jesus TOOK my sins that I am now the righteousness of God in Christ. Everything is alright between God and I
He was forsaken, so that I am forgiven by God.
He was condemned, so that I am accepted by God.

Therefore, alll this happened not because of my sins but so that His great works can be seen in me. I thank you Lord in everything. May Your name be glorified and may everyone personally experience Your love! :)

John 9:2-3
And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” 3Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him

Update

2011-09-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

As of yesterday evening, the funds raised since 18 August 2011 is RM200k! RM 50k to go. Praise the Lord! Yesterday, I received a call from Steven Lee that he wanted to sow seeds to me too. I said oh no, you need it more than I do. know he has 4 adult kids to feed and he has many testimonies how God somehow provides for his family financially, always just in the nick of time! He told me it is not out of compassion but out of obedience to God that burdened him to sow a certain amount.

I would like to say a short prayer for all the "seeds" received from all of you and the future "seeds" towards these treatments that God has opened the door.

"May God bless everyone who has sowed the money towards my family for the treatments. May the LORD, the God of your fathers, increase you a thousand-fold more than you are and bless you, just as He has promised you! (Deuteronomy 1:11). May He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for food, supply and multiply the seed YOU have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness (2 Corinthians 9:10). Thank You Lord for Your indescribable gift. We praise You Lord! I pray all this in Jesus' name. Amen!"

Before the treatment, I was so weak, i was quite depressed I could not even lift my left leg to wear my pants. So, even as I get out of car or from the bed or into bed, I would automatically use my hand to lift up my left leg like a cripple! But in recent days I noticed I can actually lift up my left leg. Initially, when it was getting stronger, I could only lift as high as 6 inches! Still quite depressed. But now I am reminded that all these negative things not according to God's word are seen and therefore temporary. Only God's words "I will give you back your health and heal your wounds," says the LORD. ..." (Jeremiah 30:17) are eternal. I cling on to His many promises and His rhema to me. Thank You Lord for restoring my left leg to normal. Praise the lord!

Work overcoming self-centeredness

2011-09-05T20:38:00.001-07:00

This was the daily bread that spoke to me this morning:

".......It mustn’t escape our notice either that work was declared good before sin entered the picture. In other words, work didn’t result from the fall and therefore is not a curse. We see this idea again in Genesis 2, when God “took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it” (v.15).m
BLet’s approach each day’s labor—whether at a job or doing another activity to help our family—with an awareness of the dignity and nobility God granted it in creation.

Our daily work is used by God
To help us care for daily needs;
And work that’s done as to the Lord
Gives witness to our words and deeds. —D. De Haan"

It never occurred to me until reading the daily bread today that carrying out an activity to help others is considered work. To me work has a negative connotation. Working to earn money. Blessed are those who enjoy their work and still earn money. I guess I started off the wrong foot but really with no choice since we were below middle income family. If I had my way, I would go for drama and arts but there were no such studies except probably in America then. I would love to be in broadway, dancing, singing and acting. Unfortunately, I ended up in accounting but amazingly it was also a time of plentiful As because I finally could express in English and there were a lot of subjective papers as well.

In a way, I see a lot of myself in Nic. He is creative but lacks the confidence in a few areas. He is also quite brave on stage as long as they are not solo acts. Carrying out tasks can also be scary for him but Henry has been teaching him by allowing him to do things himself.

Instinctively growing up, I knew I had to teach myself to overcome fear but never with God's help. I joined audit to be better than just an accountant. I stayed in audit to face some of the fierce partners that just scold with lots of sarcasm. It was to build my personality to handle difficult situations. Then I specialized in corporate recovery to face dynamic situations, mostly hostile, including terminating employee services but really because the business cannot be turned around anymore. Come to think of it, it was so masochistic to do this to myself all to overcome fear! If only I found Jesus. When I did find Jesus, I experienced such a beautiful talking relationship with Him but I still did not come across 2 Timothy 1:7.

" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

I was so caught up with the relationship, I did not allow my cousin Tammy to help me with this verse when all along, He was trying to reach out to me!

So, I pray, be open to even what YOU think is extreme teaching but if we allow God to help, He will lead us to the truth and throw away what is wrong according to His word.

I recently realize that I have been condemned by the devil and that I am self centered. During the recent retreat at the Farm in Sg Machang, we talked about transformation and the areas we should submit to God to be changed. As I shared I sobbed uncontrollably . Eveyone in the group was so puzzled. Because I did not lean on God for daily tasks, I find it very exhausting when I give. I give till I burn out and then keep quiet a long while. That is when condemnation sets in. Sherry from Elpizo made me realize that I carry too great an expectation from myself. I could just give a call and chat a short while and that may be good enough but I expect more to be done and get depressed when things don't work out.

That is when I realize how precious P is because God is showing me so much when I depend on the Holy Spirit to reach out to P. P tells me that it is I who inspire her and I say that it is her who encourages me..ha ha. Really it is God putting us together to help each other. I only met her again after 15 years and she was very distressed. I prayed to God to fill my mouth with His words. And He sure did because I can't remember what I shared but she would tell me later how the words when applied to her life help her experience God. Her colleague is amazed how after all she has going through she still has joy in her heart! Then she would replay what I said to her. Praise the Lord! She encourages me back in return. When she went out to look for praise music as I requested her to listen, I asked her to look for 'God will make a way" at Salvation book store, she said I know, they are playing it now! How God loves her! That was God at work in her life! There were many other times and I am so encouraged to see how God works in her and all because I allowed Him to use me. So, I am reminded not to allow the devil to play my mind now that I have Christ. I will just call on the holy spirit to help me and give me ideas what to do and just sit back to see how God works. Thank you Lord for P. Thank You Lord for Your help. Thank You holy spirit!

This morning after the 4th treatment I feel half strong half weak. Strong coz I woke up early, walked a bit outside and am blogging. Weak coz I was coughing and throwing up phlegm and that made me feel weak and just lie down. But I need to move around just a little so that I don't get a sore bum! I did not take any arcoxia last night just two panadols for overall slight discomfort and I could not sleep.

Thank you all for your prayers. :)

Update - P53 Gendicine treatment # 3

2011-09-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

After the treatment on Friday, I felt strong at first but slowly developed headache at night. On Saturday, I felt stronger but towards the night, I had a sore bum from resting too much I guess. I massaged and massaged, popped an arcoxia and later 2 panadols but hours later till 4 am, I still could hardly sleep and each time I woke up, my bum still felt sore. I had no choice but popped DF 118 and how wonderful, I fell asleep immediately. This morning, I woke up pain free, strong and definitely strong enough to go to church.

We were blessed with more cheques today and well wishes, hugs and love. We have collected around RM180k todate, another RM70k to go! :) Praise the Lord! The target fund does not include the procedure in Japan as originally, Dr Beh wanted me to do HITV in Malaysia. However, since the results of the scan was worse than he thought, he has suggested for me to go to Japan now. We wait upon the Lord to see how He leads us in this area. There will be savings of approximately RM50k if it is done in Malaysia (not inclusive of savings of flight and accommodation in Japan).

I am truly truly touched by all your love gifts, even the lovely lady who made costume jewelry and forwarded all her proceeds for the day towards the fund. Thank you so very much to all of you, for your love and support to our family. Kok San's (who overcame a near death incident) wife shared with me today that in her case, she experienced God's providence too. I nodded my head profusely because it is nothing like experiencing God's love and miracle personally. It cannot be compared to listening to someone else's testimony. Somehow, when you hear someone else's journey, we sometimes doubt and think it is all a coincidence but when I experience it personally, I am totally in awe of God and all doubts leave me! I am so blessed to experience His love personally so much so that even when the journey is difficult, I find it an exciting adventure. I actually experienced His first miracle a few days after being diagnosed that I was filled with so much confidence that He will deliver me and i just wanted to share it all in this blog even though I can't see the end of it.

Now, I realize that there is no end to this journey because I am growing in Christ everyday! Even though I overcome this disease, there is more to experience and to glorify Him beyond it. And it goes on and on until I see Him! :)

Today's sermon by Mike Constantine was about being ordinary people on ordinary days in glorifying God. Alas, I had.to learn the hard way in order to be blessed by Him. I had to be an ordinary person on EXTRAordinary days before I experience the many wonderful thingsHe has done in my life and I just naturally want to glorify Him.

I do pray that you take the easy way out and be that ordinary person on ORDINARY days to glorify Him. It is never out of our own strength though but from first experiencing His love, His amazing love, our King that would die for us. Thank you worship group that chose the song 'Amazing Love' today for it really speaks to me. :)

My next treatment is tomorrow at 2.15 pm and another treatment on Friday.

I must say after the first two treatments, I would be strong for a short while before weakness hits me on the second or third day. But this round, I find myself still strong even on the second day after treatment! Praise the Lord! That really encourages me. My sis noticed it too. She said last week she saw me lying down more than half the day and I can't hold a conversation long before getting breathless. Today, she observed I could sit up for quite sometime. I was in Church today, I had lunch at a shopping centre and when I got home my cousin and his wife visited me. So, I was up and about right up to 6 pm today with only an hour nap in between. All glory to God who sustains me and rescues me! :)

My group from bible class came over to my house to pray together yesterday morning. It is part of the Bachelor of Ministry program, even during term break. It has been getting really difficult for me and i wll have to speak to Lifeline Ministry for leeway during the next six months. If not, I might have no choice but to stop as it is getting very stressful for me. During prayers, we pray in understanding and also in tongues and take turns to share what we see or hear from God. We are not to judge but just encourage even if it is wrong since we are all practicing. But I am amazed by the response from the words of knowledge I share. Anyways, the girls, after praying for me saw the foollowing:

'You will be strong like a big tree trunk with beautiful leaves'
'strong'
'I see love, joy and peace already filled in your heart'

Also, last night, Hamir shared with Henry what his vision was:
"I see peace within her and she will overcome this"

Thank you Lord for the many angels around me that you use to encourage me once again. It is true, You never leave nor forsake me even at this dark hour. I love You Lord !

Update - treatment today at 2 pm

2011-09-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

I have a treatment scheduled at 2 pm today. The drip takes about 2 hours each time and it is very comfortable coz the needle is small and painless and i would get a folder of CDs to choose from to watch!

Just to let you know the total number of Gendicine treatment is 10 times. I have gone for 2 so there are 8 more to go including today's.

The treatment takes place every 3 to 4 days maximum and it goes on until the 10th treatment. Thereafter another scan will take place. Sigh.

During these 10 treatments there will come a point, when I can take it, that the p53 will be injected directly to the artery of the liver and / or lungs. That is when there may be trauma but I know God will help me. :)

Do uphold me in your prayers. Thank you all so much. :) God bless you all abundantly.

Isaiah 46 & others personalised

2011-08-31T05:27:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 46 & others personalized

A few days ago, Min Yi smsed me Isaiah 46:3,4 as she felt it was for me from God. Now and then, i would read it again and today I thought more about it. The verse that touched me most is "you carried me since i was born, You sustain me and You will rescue me" as I meditated on it and followed Mrs Gong's tip to personalize it as if God is referring to me directly.

Today, I got inspired to pull verses I remember from various parts of the bible together with parts of Isaiah 46
and wrote the following so I could read it back over and over again and meditate on it further. God is good all the time coz sometimes I just don't know where to begin reading for the day and I so much want to hear from God. Thank You Lord for guiding me tonight. I love You so much!

Here's sharing my meditation with you:

Father God, You upheld me since birth,
   You carried me since I was born.
   It is You, it is You who will sustain me
You made me and You will carry me;

   You sustain me and You will rescue me.
You sustain me and You will rescue me.
   You sustain me and You will rescue me.

You say Abba Father “With whom will you compare me or count me equal?
   No one Father God, no one
   "To whom will you liken me that we may be compared? "
No one Father God, no one Lord, no one Holy Spirit

Some pour out gold from their bags
   and weigh out silver on the scales;
they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god,
   and they bow down and worship it.

They lift it to their shoulders and carry it;
   they set it up in its place, and there it stands.
   From that spot it cannot move.
Even though someone cries out to it, it cannot answer;
   it cannot save them from their troubles.

You say Father God:
  " I am God, and there is no other;
   I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
   from ancient times, what is still to come. "

Let everyone know God, there is no other God,
No other way to You but through Your son
there is none like You
You made it known from the beginning
You made it known through Isaiah 7
And many other prophecies
And then You made the prophecies come true
You made it known to us from the beginning
That we might believe

Let everyone know You are God,
You are not a belief system
You are maker of heaven and earth

You sustain me and will rescue me
Coz You said so
And Your word is true
Your words are eternal
Your words are spirit and life
Your words give me Your life and peace.

I put my trust and hope in You
For I am helped.

Baking for Elizabeth Mah

2011-08-30T23:14:00.000-07:00

Baking for Elizabeth Mah campaign

On some days, I feel my journey should be called "Saving Private Liz" ( as from the movie Saving Private Ryan). I first thought like that when I saw Henry searching for new medicine fNor me eg Low Dose naltrexone, some kind of blood transfusion technology at the Nilai Cancer Centre, solamargine and recently reading up on Gendicine. I was surprised not all husbands are like that. Ok, i guess i shouldn't be. It is just that when I share the same materials with my friends who were diagnosed with cancer and ask them to ask their husbands to read, they tell me their husbands are too busy and they normally have to read up their own. Some husbands still continue to work late at night and the wife continues to look after the children, even their education. I am so thankful for all that God has provided for me, a loving husband who sacrifices no end, a caring mother who looks after me and a caring mother in law looking after the children during the day during this difficult period. I guess everyone has a different journey and God works differently through different people for His good purpose.

Now, I am deeply touched again by support from my dear friend Cheng Yi who has started a baking campaign to channel all the proceeds from his baking for the first two weeks of September towards the fund raising for the Gendicine and HITV treatment! CY is also Nic's Godpa. Thank you so much Cheng Yi for all your hard work and sweat going to the funds!

I believe that this "Baking for Elizabeth Mah" campaign is a blessing from God through CY for your generosity. Well, I do imagine it that way. After all it is not always that when you give you also get a yummy delicious cake in return. :)

If you or your friends or colleagues in PJ or KL are looking for a cake from the 1st to 14th September 2011, look no further but through CY.

You can visit his blog to get his hp number and for the 6 variety of cakes he is baking during the campaign period. They are all very delicious eg you will find the durian cake richer than the durian fruit itself! The boozey/ virgin Spencer 4 seasons is really a boozey cake! Sigh, I have not tasted his cakes for two years now but I will one day soon. :)

The 6 varieties during this period are:
1. Boozey/Virgin Spencer 4 Seasons
2. Tim's Nuts
3. Durian Cheese Cake
4. Oozey Caramel Chocolate Cake With Sea Salt
5. Baked/Chilled Mars Bar
6. Orange Poppy Seed Cake

Do visit this link for the delectable photos and further details.

http://fatboybakes.blogspot.com/2011/08/sept-1-14th-baking-for-elizabeth-mah.html

CY was also our matchmaker. Very very clever because I had no idea he was trying to match Henry and I together. It all seem very normal with party and a group of common friends gathering. Who would have thought he would hold a party specially so that Henry and I could get better acquainted! A group lunch would be easier eh? But CY would go all the way for his friends just like he is now. That is why he has become so close to our hearts. God uses him mightily in many many ways.

The total amount we have raised to date for the treatments fund since 18 August 2011 is about RM140k. Another RM110k to go! :) Praise the Lord who burdens the hearts of people to give! We just want to thank you all for your kindness and support. We look to God, our ultimate Healer who is in control of everything even in this baking campaign. Thank You Lord for everything!

Update - P 53 Gendicine treatment #2

2011-08-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

Update - P53 Gendicine treatment #2

Early yesterday morning, before the treatment, I was feeling rather discouraged, so much so as I talked to God, I shed tears, crying out to Abba Father. I have been amazed that of late I have not been crying and I thought I must be growing up or something, trusting Him more and more.

I was feeling rather weak. Even after a shower, it takes me so long to dress up. Just to put my legs into the pants is difficult especially my left leg. I have to physically lift my leg to put into the pants. I walk so slow. I have little strength to put the plates into the sink so I just leave it on the table and mummy clears it away for me. What would I do without mummy presently. I heard J from HK, someone who knows a lot about Gendicine, wanted to meet me at Heartscan and maybe even snap a picture of me. I thought maybe she wanted a "before" shot to report back. Feeling weak, I wasn't looking forward to chit chat.

But I was wrong. She came with K and they were both angels sent by God to encourage me at just the right time. Throughout this journey, I notice that God never allows me to go into a deep state of despair and always rescues me. :) Yesterday was one of those days!

I asked her questions on the procedure of injecting directly to the tumour. Now I know that it is not directly to the tumour per se but to the artery of the organ eg liver and lungs. Where the disease has gone to too many organs it is best to be dripped intravenously. Only, when I am stronger, can they inject "directly" through the artery. Also, I can't start HITV so soon because if tomography is done to my liver, it may be too traumatic for me from the bleeding of the liver due to the procedure on a big size of tumor.

That was quite depressing news but I said " Well, God will help me". It was then the conversation changed and both J and K started sharing their own personal experiences with Jesus. She was previously a bhuddist and K's grandpa was previously a very staunch bhuddist until his grandma shared her experience with Jesus with her husband. They were such encouraging sharings and then I realized how great God's perfect timing was. When they left, I felt such peace. God has His own timing to deliver us, to heal us and that timing is always the BEST for us. So, I should not be discouraged even though I can see with my own eyes the deterioration in me as though the first treatment did nothing to me.

Psalm 112: 7,8

"They ( the righteous) will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. "

J explained that P53, a gene, is placed together with a virus as a vector to locate the cancer cells and to change cancer cells back to normal cells. That is a lay man explanation. :)

During the treatment yesterday, I felt good immediately partly because of the pain killer, voltran. My voice immediately grew stronger. When I walked, it was faster but I can still feel my weak body as if being held up by some drug.

Towards evening, I felt the drug wearing off and a headache developing. That was the same previously. Headache came on faster this round coz the treatment was in late morning this round. By 8 pm, I took one arcoxia and hit the sack. But an hour later, I was still in pain. When I cough, the shoulder muscles and ribs were hurting. The headache was still there. Feeling frustrated, I popped 2 panadols. Half hour later I came downstairs and declared to Henry no more pain, no more headache! Yayy! Praise the Lord!

At 4 am, I woke up alert, still pain free and strong. Last night I felt too weak to even throw away the e excel used beverage foils into the bin! At 4 am, I washed some plates from last night, cleaned up the larder and even prepared the sardine mix for this morning's breakfast for the family! The whole time i was standing. Praise the Lord! What a miracle! Of course, I keep thinking it could be the drug still working on me but I recall that the arcoxia did not work earlier and panadols don't last so long.

So strong I felt, I suggested to Henry this morning to watch a movie today! We're off to watch "Cowboy vs Aliens" soon. Yesterday morning, as I talked to God, I did ask for Him to renew my strength and let me soar like wings on an eagle. I asked for strength to return on 31 August 2011. But God gave me abundantly more than I asked for. How great is our God! He is a prayer answering God. Thank You Lord that you returned my strength today, a day before Merdeka Day! Thank You Lord for everything! :)

Amazing Love

2011-08-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

Amazing Love

For the past week I have been singing "Amazing Love" because of the first two verses:

"I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned"

I know despite the little time spending with God because of the breathlessness, He will not condemn me because of the exchange at the cross. Jesus took my condemnation and in return He accepted me for who I am. So, I know I can worship Him in other ways like humming with the words running in my head, so I have been running this song over and over again in my head.

"I'm alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again!"

How powerful Jesus' death on the cross. He even bore my sicknesses and gave me health. It took me a long time to understand it in my heart. We must appropriate it and receive this truth before it works in your life unless He calls you home because no one lives forever physically.

So, this evening,with Nic and Ethan around, I mustered enough strength to sing this song but when it came to :

"You are my King
Jesus, You are my King
You are my King"

I sang instead
"You are my King
Baby, You are my King
You are my King"

Suddenly, Nic interrupted me even though he was playing a computer game. He was actually listening to me! He corrected me and sang "Jesus, You are my King". Ethan, my little competitive son had to chip in and said " I have also heard this song before".

I was really impressed with Nic. Later, he suddenly told Henry that he is misses Sunday School and when we asked why, Nic answered that he has forgotten about God and wants to go to church again to learn more about Him. Wow! I am very touched and I pray that he continues to grow up seeking after God's heart.

Nic observed that I sang very softly and he asked why. Sigh, I had difficulty answering him coz I do not want to say I am weak because I will not be defeated so I said "I am not so strong". I asked Nic to keep me in his prayers.

Last night I woke up every now and then and I think it is because I slept so much yesterday that when it came to bedtime I felt I had too much sleep. Having said that, though I sat up to try to overcome the discomfort from achy bones, i soon felt myself dozing off again. It is really hard to describe what I feel. Discomfort but tired?

Today, I woke up a bit weak like I was walking slowly though I wish I could walk faster. It is quite miserable feeling weak. Even tho I want to read the bible, just sitting up for awhile, makes my bones ache and I find myself sliding down down down until I doze off. It goes on the whole day waking up for juices and meals.

But I feel better now. Praise the Lord! I just found myself walking faster. Must be all the rest and the food that gave me energy! I am delighted!

Thank you so much for all your prayers. I thank God for all the angels that encamp around and about me and all the people that God puts around me supporting me. My friend's dad just called Henry and gave me so much encouragement, it really uplifted me. Praise God! Praise God!

"Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor You
In all I do, to honor You"

Thank You Lord for Your amazing love for me. You said in:

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Update - P53 Gendicine treatment

2011-08-25T21:06:00.001-07:00

Update- P53 Gendicine treatment

I was feeling faint and weak yesterday morning before the treatment. Breathless when walking short distance. When I walk it felt like my right eye was using my left eye to walk so I felt like losing balance and I walked like a duck.

Thank God they had a day care room for me upstairs at Heartscan. They have no lift so I was dreading climbing the stairs but the nurse helped me. Praise God!

I was so relieved to lie on the bed. They had a tv for us and a folder of movies! Yippee! Greedy to watch but I was dead tired and just wanted to close my eyes.

They took a big syringe of my blood for a full blood test that cost us RM700 plus. Then they injected in volt ran, an antiinflamitory medicine to take all te pain and aches away. Then they put on the drip and flowed in saline and later Dr Beh came in to inject in 3 bottles of P53.. Dr Beh said "Say thank you to your friend's dad". I did thank him aloud. Only later did I realize that my friend's dad paid for the 3 bottles that morning. Thank You Jesus! The nurse then injected in some medicine to prevent tummy upset. I must say the service here is excellent. Three nurses attended to me and when I went to toilet with the drip she accompanied me!

Suddenly I felt really good coz the medicine took all my discomfort away. I seemed stronger and felt relax as well. I has difficulty talking before the treatment but since I felt relax I started chatting with Henry in the room. He was surprised with the sudden change. Stronger voice, more alert, less pathetic. Ha ha!

It took about 2 hours. When I walked down the stairs, I had strength! There was another client there from Indonesia whom I was too weak to talk to them but after the treatment I started chatting with them! Praise the Lord!

I asked should I worry if I did not have fever and the manager on duty told me I should not even worry in the first place. Then, I thought how right of him coz even the bible tells me so!

Philippians 4;6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

At night, I started feeling faint again with mild headache so I popped 2 panadols. Four hours later and the pain was even worse and I popped two more panadols.

This morning, I felt the chill and realized I came down with mild fever. I became so weak and went to sleep. When I woke up the chill left me and fever stopped. My body still feels weak and so uncomfortable. I told Henry and he was so happy, he said 'Hallelujah' coz it means I am responding to treatment. Dr Beh said the side effect is fever. The fever happens when the cancer cells are dying! Praise the Lord! You cancer cells, I command you to die and wither at your roots in Jesus' name. You cancer cells, I curse your seed and your root in Jesus' name. I cut off your life source in Jesus' name!

Thank You Lord for your holy spirit flowing through me and bringing healing to my body, the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is now flowing through my body and quickening my mortal body. Thank You Jesus!

Do pray for me that all this discomfort will be gone soon.

Update- pet scan results

2011-08-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

Update - Pet Scan Results

The pet scan has both good and bad news. Amazingly the mestateses on the left lung is mostly gone and are inactive. At least on the pet scan, i don't see any bright light. No wonder my cough has reduced so much and even though i do deep breathing i don't cough anymore. Still, i really need to increase my deep breathing to get more oxygen in.

However, the right lung tumour has grown much about half the lung. It might have grown much and then now going down. I don't know. The report says the treatment is working on me. I laughed. I am not even under SJMC treatment since January so how does thier invisible treatment help? So it is God working through either low dose naltrexone, stem tech pills or one month of solamargine or all.

The tumour in the liver also increased, they are also in pelvis and vertebrae but thwt was previoisly there. So praise God the treatment of P53 Gendicine begins tomorrow. The doctor at Heartscan is now not so optimistic but God just wants to show us that it is a His miracle using through the drug. If not everyone would just say "neh, it is not God but the very expensive treatments".

My friend's dad, DDW, who is helping us raise funds was so encouraging. He told us to go ahead and do it even if there is 1% chance because God wants me to be a great testimony of Him to everyone.

Dr Beh wants me to do P53 for a month before another pet scan (groan) and meanwhile he would discuss with the famous Japanese doctor for this technology on whether to start both simultaneously which was the original plan.

I assured him that God is with us and he will see a miracle. There was such peace in my heart, even Henry's for the first time. It is much worse than when the journey began but for the first time I have no more doubts. I claimed Isaiah 7 where He promised me that this cancer will not rise up, it will not take place and it will be too shattered. I claim the two elephants I saw in the sky, His promise for victory over cancer. The elephant in front of the third parade of birds trumpeting victory! This is phase 3 for me.

Psalm 31:7

"Let me not be ashamed, O LORD; for I have called upon thee: let the wicked be ashamed, and let them be silent in the grave"

I am not afraid. He will not put ,e to shame. The battle belongs to the Lord. I remember my first "lion" of what He did with one Tarceva, taking all my aches and pains away. Dr Beh said i look better than the results. It must be my high threshhold of pain and Henry quickly commented i have in fact low threshhold of pain. I told doc i do not like injections! The pain is more like discomfort and it is a miracle that i oly need 2 panadols to wipe the discomfort away for the day!

I remember my second "lion" when I wept and I heard His will for me through Mrs Gong's sermon and words to me at Elpizo that He was going to use me and shortly after that the scan showed further reduction of tumours.

When I went back to work in January this year, He was truly displeased with me in January and tumours increased.

This is now my next battle. I remember my previous "lions" (David's victory over the lions that attacked his sheep) and I claim all His promises He has given me. And now, I sling God's promises to the cancer and it doesn't matter where I aim (just like David to Goliath) because it is God that will the direct the rock (His words) at the spirit of cancer!

I just want to thank God most of all for such a loving supportive husband. He surprised me that day when he called me his heroine and inspiration. :) I never thought my way like that. God's chosen hubby for us is always the best. It took me 8 months crying and waiting upon the Lord for a husband when I became a born again Christian. It was a terribly long time since I lived such a different life before.

Thank You Lord for your overwhelming love for me and overwhelming support from my family, ex colleagues (both Henry's and mine), friends and total strangers. Thank You for my guardian angel DDW!

I thank You Jesus that You took my infirmities and bore my sicknesses 2000 years ago and I need not bear it any longer. I will LIVE and not die but declare Your wondrous works. That is Your calling for me and as a family, the real prayer You wanted me to pray all along.

Thank You Lord for everything!

The P53 treatment starts tomorrow at 1.30 pm. They will inject it intravenously and not directly to the lung tumour as planned because it is too big. That is the doctor's reservation but let us see God's hand enfold together. Please pray with us. Please pray also for my left pelvic area. I can't seem to lift my knee up while in a sitting position so i have to use my hand to lift it up. I still can walk. Thank you all so much. :)

Rejoicing in the Tunnel!

2011-08-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

Rejoicing in the tunnel

When Henry dropped me off at the emergency ward yesterday at SJMC, two hospital staff came to help me. I told them I am just here for a pet scan but they still asked me if I needed a wheel chair. Man, I suppose I look really weak. I was feeling faint and walking slowly because I fasted since 5 am after my breakfast. I could only drink water. I turned down the wheel chair.

The procedure normally takes 4 hours or lesser. Actually it took longer than that! Probably about 5 hours. I was getting restless. Anyway, the good part was that the needle in comparison to a ct scan is much smaller so there was no pain when they fixed a line to my hand. Praise the Lord! That was my prayer for the morning. I kept saying to myself 'Be brave, be strong for the Lord God is with me for I am walking in victory, yes I am walking in victory, no I won't be afraid, no no, I won't be afraid for the Lord God is with me!

Then, I was injected with some fluid. Later in another room, they injected a big syringe of radiation. Groan. More poison into my system.

They put me into a private room to rest where I was injected with another fluid. Over 3 hours, they gave me 3 glasses of weird tasting water. I could go to the toilet, in fact it is encouraged.

Finally, I was taken to the pet scan room and they strapped my arms down above my head. I was to lie down for 30 minutes without moving. Thank God recently I overcame claustrophobia and yesterday was another test. I started gazing at Jesus and sang "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. Rejoice, rejoice and again I say rejoice. Rejoice, rejoice and again I say rejoice". The machine slips me in and out the tunnel several times. After a while I must have dozed off and then I woke up with a very slight cough within and I though oh no, I am not suppose to move my body and was getting afraid. Yet, I gazed at Jesus again and started singing the song and I calmed down and everything was back to normal. Oh, earlier when they fixed the line, they gave me a pill to relax my brain! So it did help make me a bit drowsy.

After the scan and changing back to my clothes, I was led to a room and given a sandwich and a cup of Milo. It was such a relief. I was there from 11 am to 4 pm. The results will be out today about noon and then we are off to Heartscan Bangsar to meet Dr Beh.

Henry and I prayed that we will not depend on the medical report because God's way is a much bigger picture. Healing is already accomplished on the cross 2000 years ago and that is the finished work. We claim it Jesus' name. I just pray the P53 Gendicine treatment will start this week. Please pray with us. Thank you so much.

We have received about RM60k thus far. Another RM190k to go. :) thank you so much for your contribution. We are deeply touched. We place our trust in God our provider. I praise u lord, I praise u Lord, you are my rock, my salvation, my deliverer, my healer, my provider, my tower of refuge' my shield. I magnify you! I exalt you! To God be the glory!

Blessings by Laura Story

2011-08-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

I just want to thank my cousin Tammy for blessing me with this song by
Laura Story. Recently she felt a great burden to pray for me and she forwarded this song to me.

I can relate to some parts of the song. However, I have never been angry with God since the beginning of this journey.

"We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near"

He gave me great peace and strangely to my mum too and later to Henry that God will deliver me out of this. What I struggled with was His timing. I wanted it so much my timing. I actually put it as 31 August 2009 and then it was 31 August 2010 and now I almost dare not. Knowing me, I know I will still plead God. :) I just keep seeing the number "2"! It could be 2 months, 2 years..I dunno.

What I can relate to the song is about crying and tears and to me, every time I feel weak or have a symptom, I just cry out to Him and it is these moments that I feel really close to Him.

"What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?"

I really feel His love and most recently He has revealed to me these treatments. It is like He did it to show me yet again how much He loves me and I am so overwhelmed by His love. I can see myself under His wings until disaster has passed. He has shown me His blessings in terms of the funds coming in and the support from friend, relatives and even from total strangers! I feel God's love through their love.

Even at times, I just want to reach out and touch Him and just desperately want to feel Him close to me, I realize from this song:

"And all the while You hear each desperate plea
As long that we'd have faith to believe"

Sometimes I wonder how His word sinks to our spirit man and recently He has showed me it is just by meditating on it, praying in His words, speaking it aloud or just saying it in my mind over and over again. But I feel a need to speak it out to let the devil know where I stand. These days a bit tough since I do get breathless. My aunt Agnes ( dad's side) says she can hear my breathlessness because she is a trained nurse. I thought she would not be able to tell since I could hold a conversation with her but she picked it up.

The trials in this journey is God revealing His love and mercy to me. I really want to be at a point that I completely cannot doubt because He has shown me so many great things, so many miracles, the latest being the provision of these treatments which we completely cannot afford.

I was reading the "Taming of the Tiger" by Tony Anthony and it has removed so much doubt from my mind of how God works in my life and in the life of others. I struggle with explaining to others of His many miracles he has done in my life. I sometimes feel people do not believe me but in Tony's case, he is soooooooo convinced, he does NOT care less what people think of it. He has experienced God's love in such awesome ways (coming from bhuddist background and deeply entrenched in the way of Kungfu, chi and all which he wrote in such great detail), he just wants to go and share to everyone what he experienced!

These days he discourages people from taking martial arts. He said in the west, people take it up for fitness and self defense but he warns from his own experience ( he is a 3 time world Kungfu champion), that it is rooted in spirituality which he believes is misleading and dangerous.

He says the way of Kung Fu is different from the true way of Christ. I remember that is one of the areas I was trying to explain daddy about the difference between bhuddism and Christianity. My dad just reckons that all religion leads to the same path and it is only a change of label of what each religion calls god. I shake my head.

Kung Fu to Tiny Anthony is a way that builds false confidence in self. Martial arts appeal to a person's fears, weaknesses and ego. Christ's way is to release a person into new life, freedom and security through and in Him.

I heard that 'Taming of the Tiger" will be made a movie someday. You must must catch it. His life was so colorful, like really out from a movie!

This was Tony's rhema from God:

John 8:36

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Anyway, back to the 'Blessings' song. Here are the full lyrics and the link to you tube. Laura's husband had brain tumour and their journey was very long before healing came. The back ground story can be heard here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDiTuSLSJB8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Blessings (lyrics by Laura Story)
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
As long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

You tube movie for the song "Blessings"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKR4wEURV1Q&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Triumphant Entry - Elephant sighted! Twice!

2011-08-22T01:46:00.001-07:00

Triumphant entry - Elephant sighted! Twice!

I sometimes look at the sky to look for a cloud elephant formation as a sign from God that healing is just round the corner. No matter how hard I look, I just cannot spot one.

It is about phase three of a beautiful dream I had quite some time ago. Phase three has a blue floating elephant ( giant balloon) followed by a variety of beautiful birds in the sky in a parade. I sensed God telling me that the elephant signifies triumphant entry, victory over cancer and the variety of birds signifies the many blessings poured out from God to me and my family.

I hold on to God's promises in the bible and to this dream.

So, I was really surprised and excited when I saw a 3D elephant floating in the sky (formation of cloud) on Saturday morning as we drove down to Port Dickson. It quickly changed shape but long enough for me to admire it and be in awe. Since it changed so fast, doubt started to seep in. Still, I claimed this dream again and thanked God that healing is round the corner. With the unfolding of events, this is another confirmation that this treatment that God blessed me with is the correct direction to take. The next day, driving home from Port Dickson, I saw another elephant in the sky and this time I showed Henry! Praise the Lord. God knew I was in doubt so he sent another one to show me that healing is just round the corner!

Of late, the following bible verse has been very close to my heart. It was given to me at the beginning of this journey and I remember I was so happy to receive it and then I realized that his timing is not my timing. What I think is around the corner is not the same as God's so I started asking for a sign in the sky so that I know when victory will manifest in the physical realm too.

Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Thank you Lord! Thank you for your confirmation. I claim that your healing for me is round the corner! Some are beginning to put doubts in my mind now but my trust is in You and not based on my own understanding. I know Your ways are supernatural so I just place all my trust in You, Lord. I know the pet scan postponement for the second time o Lord is the work of the devil. I bind and break all work of darkness assigned to us in Jesus' name. It has no power no dominance over us. We pray for Your angels to encamp around and about us and the hospital staff at SJMC and Prince Court to give us a new date and to also help them solve their problems. I claim your promise O Lord that You who is in us is greater that the evil out there. No weapon formed against us shall prosper for we are all worshippers of God and we are Your children. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Right after the news of the wrong calibration of the pet scan machine at Prince Court, Henry and I prayed together and I wrote the above. Henry also sent out SMSes to our bible study group to pray for us. While he was smsing, I was on the phone with SJMC that they have a slot for us at 11 am on Tuesday, tomorrow! The radiographer told me to fast 5 hours and the procedure would take 4 hours. Praise the Lord! God's mighty mighty hand is upon us indeed! Thank u Lord! Thank u Lord! I love You soooooooo much!

Update - pet scan, funds

2011-08-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

The pet scan scheduled for Friday has been postponed to Tuesday next week because the facilitiwas are not available for tomorrow. Everything in God's timing. I was feeling weak today but I am blessed coz mummy came to look after me and cook for me and juice for me. My dad came to visit me too. Praise the Lord! We talked a lot about bhuddism and Christianity. Energy vs God's words. It is good that we can share with each other. What surprised me that despite it all, my dad said he learned a lot from me. What? Wow! How? I pray somehow the holy spirit is working within my dad and dad can experience God's love personally.

The funds are slowly flowing in from Irene's friend and from my relatives. Also, we are so touched that Henry's Singapore friends said they will try to get in touch with his ex colleagues and ex classmates to raise funds. It did not even occur to us of this channel! Praise the Lord!

P53 and HITV costs RM300k

2011-08-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

P53 and HITV treatment costs RM300,000

Today, we went to see a doctor on gene therapy called Gendicine P53. We heard there would be a clinical trial and if blessed,we might be chosen for it. It involves injecting a bottle of medicine directly to the tumour every 3 days. Each bottle cost RM 3000! Total cost is about RM 100,000! Then, he talked about another treatment called HITV which KIm Kee my friend shared with me months ago. since Kim Kee already told me the cost is about RM200,000, we did not meet the doctor because the cost is totally unaffordable. It also involves a trip to Japan for a procedure. The cost does not include the accommodation in Japan for three weeks!

Elaine and uncle Mickey told me not to worry about the cost because God will provide but our minds cannot fathom how!

However, recently Henry has been touched by God and he has seen with his eyes how God provides us financially. Right after the discussion with the homeopathy doc regarding solamargine recently at a cost of RM 4800, Henry was so troubled yet God provided by increasing His monthly allowance. As he started to tithe more, he saw how God provided more blessings again. When he was upset with God when he saw me suffering, God spoke to Henry to have more faith in Him and to trust Him. Suddenly, i saw how calm he was in the clinic when these big numbers were thrown at him today. I was really very very surprised. God really increased Henry's faith to just trust Him completely even financially which is the hardest part for Henry on a normal day.

We were at peace with the idea of the treatment and after meeting the doc, we were thinking about the groups of people we could approach to raise funds but before we could think deeper about it today, our friend informed us that his dad would like to help us raise funds. We were so touched by God's love for us. This is only shortly after we stepped out of the clinic and were discussing at a restaurant. It is simply a miracle! Tomorrow, we will meeting our friend's dad to pray together before he begins to raise the funds. We would like to commit all these plans to God.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed

Praise the Lord! All glory to God! Praise God for a wonderful compassionate man and his children who felt led to help us. Praise God for all the support of family and friends and their prayers. I have been feeling weak lately and we believe this treatments are so timely. God is blessing us with two treatments instead of one. What we think it is impossible, God made it possible! B53 followed by HITV. I am amazed. When God says He provides His words never lies.

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Everything He says in the bible is true. We just need to surrender it all to Him. Many friends tell me that if it is truly an open door by God, He will even make the finances happen. Wow! We see it with our own eyes now. The funds have not come in yet but we are confident now because He has already shown us today and it ties in to His promises.

This came after soul searching last week when I talked to God and said I just want to seek His face. I cried "i just wanna seek Your face, i just wanna seek Your face". You see, because of the breathlessness, singing praises to God was becoming difficult and some mornings, I don't sing to Him. Praying in tongues also has been difficult because of the same. Slowly, I started spending more time watching TV instead of spending time with God. I wanted to start all over again with God.

Last week, I told God I wanted to cut off watching too much tv and just come before Him even though it has been difficult singing to Him and praying aloud for long. I told myself God is so loving, even if i spend just 5 mins with Him, He would still love me. Just when I told Him this, the talks at the recent retreat at The Farm talked about "How to Wait Upon the Lord" and "Transformation" which part of it talked about seeking God and He would
manifest Himself. Mrs Gong shared with us how as she talks to God, God would speak to her or she would just sing one song over and over again. She also shared with us how as we replace the words in the bible to us personally, we could meditate a long time on His words. And that is how she could spend 2 to 3 hours daily with God and she enjoys it tremendously.

Then, when I returned on Friday, our bible study topic was on " the pure in heart will see God" from the Beautitudes.

Matthew 5:8
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Hey, that is what we learned at the Farm! We also sang this song "My heart longs for you my Saviour" and I could relate to this song so much because I really wanted to come back to Him despite the challenges. It's nothing like praying and singing aloud compared to all in silence though He still can hear us.

In addition, Sunday's sermon was about longing for God like "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God (Psalm 42:1)" and that is exactly how I felt!

I want so much to be in His dwelling place despite the difficulties, the weakness, the temptation of tv, the thought of boredom from reading the bible. I told Him I would persevere and I know I would just see Him day by day as I gaze at Him. I started singing the song "My heart longs for you my Saviour" despite the breathlessness. Today, I see His wondrous works and His hand over our lives.

Oh Lord, I love you so much! Thank you thank you thank you so much for your abundant blessings. I just pray that I will just grow into a deeper relationship with You. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Gazing at Jesus

2011-08-10T01:01:00.001-07:00

Gazing at Jesus

My friend LP says I am courageous because I don't even go for ct scan. She was diagnosed with lung cancer stage 4 and recently discovered a new technology (well it has been around elsewhere for 30 years) called cyberknife and the procedure is offered in Beacon Hospital, PJ. For RM 50,000. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifACqyxo3ug&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Anyway, I told her the courage came about because I truly believe that God will/ has heal(ed) me. Even at the point of weakness, I do feel discouraged but I simply cut of these thoughts and choose to look at Jesus. I then telll Him aloud all the promises He has for me, reading the many scriptures. Then, my soul will arise and I will then sing and praise God.

Yesterday, I told Henry "I can walk faster today". I think it took him a few seconds to register that comment because it is normal for healthy people to accelerate their pace. For me, I seem to be walking as slow as a tortoise. Even Karen Kerr noticed on family day and commented that it seems to take a lot from me to walk. But my acceleration came about to me yesterday because energy has returned to my body! Praise the Lord for His continued healing upon me. I notice I can get out of the car quicker. So, today I decided to be careful not to overstrain myself with exercises because somehow I just judge my body wrongly and end up aching the next day which leads to weakness.

I pray for wisdom and just learn to observe my body better. LP taught me some qiqong steps today without the explanations and I noticed I've seen them before either through cd or through Aunt Kiki demonstrating to me. But i thank LP for demonstrating so that i can add more exercises to my routine. The one I can't agree with is the forming of 'qi' into a ball and putting the ball anywhere that needs healing. I would rather have the holy spirit as a ball of fire flowing through my body to repair all my damaged cells. Qi did not make the universe. God did and in Genesis 1:2, the bible says that the holy spirit was hovering (Hebrew rahapl) over the waters during creation.

Rahapl , means "to brood over, to hover with a gentle wavering or fluttering motion, as of a bird over her young." What a beautiful picture! God is about to bring into being every living thing and His Spirit hovers over the waters of creation as a mother cares for her children. C.F. Schultz wrote: "Over the lifeless and formless mass of the world-matter this Spirit broods like a bird on its nest, and thus transmits to it the seeds of life, so that afterwards by the word of God it can produce whatever God wills." (C.F. Schultz, "Old Testament Theology")
(source: http://www.mindspring.com/~mamcgee/grace_Holy_Spirit.html)

What more the holy spirit flowing through us to quicken our mortal body! :)

Tomorrow, I am off on a trip with Elpizo members to the Farm in Seremban. Two days ago, I wasn't sure I could make it because I felt weak. Today, I am strong again. I really want to thank God for He is a loving and faithful God. He never let's me go each time I wait upon Him. I know it is very human to think logically on why and what when we feel a certain way and we panic and become anxious and take things into our hands to fix it. But I believe God so much and his verse in Proverbs 3:5-6 that says:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."

I do get discouraged when the problem persist for days but I do not dwell upon it. I do not lean on my own understanding but just trust God in that circumstance. He has not let me down and I just want to praise God and glorify His name!

"Since ancient times, no-one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him."
Isaiah 64:4, NIV

An Appointment With Death

2011-08-09T00:49:00.000-07:00

An Appointment With Death

Ps Victor Wong, the consultant to SIB Church gave us a sermon at Elpizo on the above topic today. He made us do something we normally do not do, a death therapy. Actually I can't quite make out what to think of it but I think it made me confront with death more personally rather than leave it to the hands I leave behind eventually.

We have homework too! What weird thing he made us do we are to share with our spouse and then again with our children.

We were each give our tombstone on paper.

First, I was asked to draw a picture of myself in the box given. I drew my present hair do (curly!) and with big eyes and a smile..he he

Then, I wrote down my birthdate. He asked us to think about a date we think we would die. He said it was just a therapy and nothing prophetic. If we were totally troubled about it, then to leave it out but he assured us that this whole exercise will benefit us much. So, okay, I added 40 years more to the year of year 2051. He said we could add the day and the month as well but no number appeared in my head so I just left it out.

The thing is in our journey as Christians, God heals us from the inside out. He starts with our spirit and that healing slowly flows to our mind and body. So, it does not matter how hard others pray for us. Some are discouraged when we pray and God still takes them home so soon. Our spirit is already healed (saved) and whether we die young or old, whether we choose a further date or we think we die sooner, our home address just changes from here on earth to home with the Lord in heaven. That is the assurance we have in God.

So, this is just a death therapy and we filled the death date we thought we would die.

Next, he asked us to write down at the bottom of the tombstone a bible verse. He said if we did not write any bible verse, he is quite convinced that our family would fill in Psalm 23 for us! So, better squeeze your creative juices and think one yourself now!

I thought of the rhema that God first spoke to me in this journey so I chose:

2 Timothy 1:7

" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Then, we are to write our epitaph in the middle of the tombstone. It could be very short words like "Praise the Lord!" or "I finished well" but you could also write a long wordy one. You could thank your other half and your family and friends. I wrote thinking of encouraging others to seek God seeing what He has done in my life, miracles after miracles.

So i wrote:
"God gave me a second chance in life. He too can give you a second chance if you seek Him with all your heart, soul and mind."

Ps Victor changes his tombstone every year and reads it out to his wife. He shared us somehow he thinks he will die at 50. Having heard him, I think God put that in his heart so that he would seek to accept death and teach others the same. I have never met anyone like him! He has read many books on death and even movies which he gave us a summary on.

The Bucket List
P.S. I love you
Seven pounds
Tuesday with Morrie

And the book written by Randy Pausch called the "The last lecture". He died last year of cancer and would rather teach his last lecture to leave his legacy behind to his three young children rather than spend time with his children.

He told us of his close friend who eventually died of cancer. There were so many questions he wanted to ask his friend but he didn't know how to. His friend's wife felt she could only support him by taking care of him and bringing him to many alternative treatment. He cut off his relationship with his two daughters because he didn't want to hurt them. As a result the two kids felt the sickness was all their fault. Ps Victor felt he could not answer why God would not heal him. He felt totally helpless and he asked God what he could do as a friend.. He sensed God telling him to write book for his friend called "Unspoken Words".

In it he wrote the many questions and thoughts in his mind, his friend's wife and his children, all of which he could not say it aloud. He finished it in 2 days and gave it to his friend. Because of that book, the family was reconciled and he passed away the following day.

Ps Victor had once told his friend that he should have spent his time with his family rather than seeking and seeking alternative treatments

Regarding the homework, he said initially our children would be worried of losing their parent if we bought up the topic but because we share with them what to expect, they will treasure their parents even more.

Okay, here is the weirdest part. He has a plan to hold his living funeral soon, possibly next year and you are all invited, believers and non believers.

He will have his coffin there but he will surprise you whether he will be in it or not. He will have a real life opportunity to thank his family and friends. He said he expects some parts to be teary and some parts of laughter too. He will also paste up cards he received throughout the journey that touched him.

He is 45. Despite the death he feels in 5 years he thinks he will serve in SIB for another 7 to 10 years! Told you he is weird. He said that if he lives beyond 5 years, he would just continue glorifying God. So see, it does not matter when we think we will die because we are already assured to be with God early or late in life. :)

And I guess that is the bottom line I learned. So, do not take a chance on your afterlife.

John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

You can be totally assured to be with God when you believe in Jesus.

Romans 10:9-11

"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced"

Growth spurts

2011-08-08T02:48:00.001-07:00

Growth spurts

After church yesterday, Ethan asked for his craft which he did in Sunday School. I told him that it was in the purple bag in the boot so he had to wait until we returned to the house. Later in the evening, it suddenly occurred to him about the craft again. He went into a room where the purple bag is normally kept and he started looking for it again! I was wondering what he was up to.

Then he said "I need paper". I asked him to look for it in the normal place. He took one big sheet and sat on the floor. 'Mummy I need pencil", he said. I was really curious. He took some of his stickers and stuck the corners of the craft onto the big piece of paper. He then started to copy down the whole memory verse onto the paper in very very big letters.

This was the memory verse he wrote:

“God is with you in everything you do.' Genesis 21:22

He was very headstrong about his little mission and he completed it! He has not done anything like that before so Henry and I were rather amused. He kept reading it over and over again.

I was very encouraged by the verse. I have not seen this verse before. I checked the bible to see whether it was word for word and it was! God IS with me in everything I do! Hallelujah!

I decided to use 3 verses to help me get up from where I am sitting or lying down so I can do my daily chores. Marvin taught me something from yesterday's sermon. He was teaching us how to get started reading the bible for those in spiritual dryness. It can be applied to anything we are about to do. After we pray for God for help to read the bible or in my case, to strengthen me, then I must believe that He has strengthened me and not continue lying down feeling weak. I started saying this morning "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) You are with me in everything I do. (Genesis 21:22) You renew my strength. (Isaiah 40:31)". And with one big push, I get up and start to move around. :)

The boys amazed us last night during dinner. I cooked a simple meal of ABC soup (with carrot, corn, tomato, potato and onion), a plate of blanched broccoli, fried eggs, baked corn served with a mix of multi grain rice with white rice. It seems so bland to me but the kids actually loved the broccoli. Ethan decorated broccolis around his plate and I was worried he was not going to finish them but he did. He placed his rice into the soup and with two bowls of soup he finished his rice. Both boys loved the baked corn though they would turn down corn every time at shopping malls. Henry was commenting that we would not have seen this from them two years ago! Later Henry whipped us all a banana mango yoghurt smoothie. :)

What a wonderful dinner it was!

Transformers - The Dark Moon

2011-08-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Transformers - The Dark Moon

Man, this is the second time Trsnsformers brought me to tears. I dI'd not expect to learn anything from this show but watching it for pure entertainment only but being so close to God, The holy spirit helped me make a connection of what evil can do and what God does to protect us.

This was Optimus Prime last quote at the end of the movie:

"In any war, there are calms between storms.
There will be days when we lose faith.
Days when our allies turn against us...
but the day will never come that we forsake
this planet and its people."

I just started to tear as I heard his words. It was God never forsaking us even though we are in the storm, even though the most perfect angel, Lucifer turned against God and wanted to be God himself and was thrown down to earth like lightning and now called the devil. He now wants to take over planet earth in the sense that he wants to deceive as many humans as possible not to believe in God (as the devil deceived Eve) even though at present God has already given us a way out through Jesus Christ.

Ethan was playing Gundam on PS2 this morning and the introduction talked about the principalities of Zeon launched a war against the independence of the federation of earth. I was also reading Ephesians 6:10-18 on www.rbc.org (daily bread):

Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

Is it any coincidence that many movies are about good overcoming evil? I think not.

I thank God for speaking to me through Transformers, Gundam and the daily bread this morning. Thank you for reminding me to always store God's words in my heart (our weapon) to fight against the devil for His words have divine power to demolish strongholds.

2 Corinthians 10:4
"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."

So, even though I feel weakness, it has no power no dominance over me because God's words say He is restoring me back to health and healing me all my wounds. He is watching over His words to perform it. And slowly strength IS returning as I survived PBC's Family Day at MBS, Kuang yesterday and still had energy to watch the movie thereafter. Praise the Lord!

Update - Overcoming Claustrophobia

2011-08-04T23:29:00.001-07:00

I am feeling slightly stronger today. Yesterday night at bed time, I managed to pray in tongues, aloud and with passion. Sometimes I feel so discouraged that even praying in the spirit is difficult because I just don't have the strength. Even singing praises to God is difficult these days but I think it is all in the mind because when I take hold of God's strength and fight against the enemy, the weakness is overcomed and my voice returns. Amazingly, I don't have a problem when singing with other saints in church. I believe it is because where people praise God, God inhabits the praises of the people and all spirit of discouragement leaves me. I thank Elaine for her reminder to me of Luke 10:19 and a reference to Don Moen's song ' I have given you authority" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pvPoKF2GW4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Luke 10:19
"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you."

Having experienced this weakness, sometimes I think maybe this shows deterioration but the bible says if we use our authority we can overcome ALL the power of the enemy, not 'some', not 'almost all'. The verse and the song was very encouraging and last night, my soul arose and I prayed in the spirit for quite some time.

That night I had an interesting dream. Henry and I was skipping hand in hand over a dome like fountain with water springing out. It felt like we were in a broadway show singing "I'm singing in the rain", a very happy feel. Then there were some steps that other couples were dancing on , tapping their feet and clicking their fingers in a synchronized manner.

I woke up and sensed that God just wanted me to rejoice and praise Him. I read the daily bread on www.rbc.org and this part on Psalm 68 spoke to me

Psalm 68: 3,4

"But may the righteous be glad
and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful.

Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the cloudsa—
his name is the LORD—
and rejoice before him."

So, this morning I started singing :

SING A NEW SONG UNTO THE LORD
LET THE SONG BE SUNG FROM MOUNTAIN HIGH
SING A NEW SONG UNTO THE LORD
SINGING ALLELUIA

YAHWEH'S PEOPLE DANCE FOR JOY
O COME BEFORE THE LORD
AND PLAY FOR HIM ON GLAD TAMBORINES
AND LET YOUR TRUMPET SOUND

My heart was filled with joy this morning. I then went to the club for a massage and was surprised that I could get the slot i wanted despite not booking in advance! Praise the Lord! :) She taught me how to sprinkle water on my body after the massage and spend as long as I can in the sauna. I actually do not like sauna because it makes me claustrophobic. It makes me feel like I am getting out of breath and I need to escape. She actually advised me before and I actually went home thinking about the claustrophobia. Why do I have it? Now, walking with God, I know I can overcome it. The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. God supplies all my needs, even the air that I breathe. I have nothing to fear. Nothing shall harm me. So, with boldness, I stepped into the sauna today and I had no trouble at all! :) No suffocation feeling, no claustrophobia, no wanting to escape the room. I stayed until I began to sweat and then had a shower.

I really feel rejuvenated now and I know this is all a blessing from God. He made it happen. :) Thank You Jesus!

Update

2011-08-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Update

I was feeling weak the past few days but yesterday, I felt energy returning and Henry said he noticed too! I asked him how he knew and he said it is the little things I do like playing with Ethan behind the car. I could sweep the floor and wash the dishes and bend down to pick up things. Praise the Lord!

Night time has been a difficult time to sleep for me the past few days. Henry gave me Ashvaghanda, a natural herb, to help me sleep. Sometimes it works but I am awaken by achy bones. Last night, every time I woke up, I would cry to God and pray in tongues and rub my back and He would help me fall asleep again. By the time I woke up this morning, there was no more achiness but I walk the pace of a tortoise. I just hope that itself is not straining myself. Yesterday, Chee Meng and my mum visited me and that cheered me up. My mum reckons it is because I have been phasing off EExcel products. I think I just need to eat more and as more flesh returns, so will my energy. This weakness has no power no dominance over me. Shery Lim from Elpizo was encouraged by my awesome spirit but she said it is God who ultimately inspired me.

These bible verses have been helping me these past few days:

Isaiah 40:28, 29,31

   Have you not known?
   Have you not heard?
   The everlasting God, the LORD...

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

   But those who wait on the LORD
   Shall renew their strength;
   They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
   They shall run and not be weary,
   They shall walk and not faint.

I keep saying over and over again "When I am weak, I am strong. You are my strength. I am strong in Your mighty power. I wait upon You. You are my tower of refuge, my deliverer, my loving God."

Psalm 59:9,10

You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my fortress. In his unfailing love, my God will stand with me. He will let me look down in triumph on all my enemies.

Ethan's 5! Part 2

2011-07-31T04:55:00.000-07:00

Ethan's 5!

2011-07-31T04:46:00.000-07:00

Ethan celebrated his fifth birthday at Kizsports, BV II. the kids were playing at the playground for hours and were so sweaty, red and hot by the end of it all! They have boundless energy and they easily made new friends at the playground. We had ordered the kids' food from Fit For 2 opposite and so for the first time, the kids had no fries..he he. Ethan promised me that by 5, he would sleep with his brother in their own room. i kept asking him if he was going to do it and on his birthday, he saluted me and said "Yes Sir!". He really did at least till almost morning and then i heard the door bang and heavy footsteps into our room crying. Ah well, he did very well indeed for the first night. i pray he will be braver tonight!

Ethan seem to have some kind of growth spurt. He seems to like healthy juices which I blend now and today for lunch he even ate his garden salad. i hope that would help him shed some pounds. :) the other day I spotted him imitating Henry at his ab crunches. It was such a funny sight because his hands were not behind his head, just like Henry's, but just almost touching the side of his head. It reminded me how kids follow after their parents so if they are sporty, most likely your kids would too! Alas, Ethan tried rolling on the swiss ball like me and knocked his front tooth. Thank God it wasn't anything serious. Thank you Jesus. I like that he prays for me every time I cough. Today, he added something extra. He prayed extra loud as if he wanted so much for God to hear him. He would pray "Father God, take mummy's cough away and make her strong again in Jesus' name". I asked him to pray in tongues after that, thinking of Jesus and thinking of taking mummy's cough away. He had his eyes closed funnily coz I did not ask him to do that. So sweet. This boy really has a heart to pray. He really believes in the power of prayer. Praise the Lord!

Nic had mumps on Thursday and we all prayed for him. Silently, I declared that he is healed in Jesus' name. Henry said it is amazing how his mumps subsided so fast, just only after one day. We should not be surprised eh, because we are children of God and we can crush all fiery darts from the evil one.

Ephesians 6:16
"...take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one"

I was feeling weak and I knew I just have to go back to the word of God. After long day at the party yesterday, I just kept repeating God's words over and over again "By His stripes I am healed. You took away my infirmities and bore my sicknesses and by Your stripes I am healed. I thank You that You restore me back to health and healed all my wounds. When I am weak, I am strong. I am strong in Your mighty power. No weapon formed again me shall prosper, for this is my heritage as your child. Healing is mine". This morning I woke up much stronger. Praise the Lord! Still a bit shaky but much stronger. I was so touched during worship. There was this song that said "You are stronger, You are stronger, sin is broken, You have saved me". That verse spoke to me. Indeed He is stronger than this weakness that I feel and He has delivered me from it. I praise You Lord!

Thank You all for your prayers and also your generous blessings to us. We are deeply touched and we pray that your fruit will abound abundantly just like what the bible says. Thank you so much again. Henry says that because of your blessings, we may be able to buy another round of solamargine!

Update - SOCSO Invalidity Pension (Pencen Ilat)

2011-07-26T03:11:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for praying for us. I received a sms from Steven Lee to pray in agreement standing on Matthew 18:19:

"19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven."

The officer at the counter took my documents and discovered that I had not given any bank account details. SOCSO does not accept joint savings account or current account so we had to go out to open a bank account nearby. Thank God everything went smoothly and Henry had a parking space right in front of the bank! Then we returned to SOCSO and the lady informed me that it will take two weeks for them to review my documents as the officer in charge was on a course. Payout is at month end after approval. The first three months will be paid by cheque and thereafter it will be banked into the savings account.

Thank you Jesus for making it all so smooth for us. Thank you that You are my Jehovah Jireh, my Provider.

I exercised a lot yesterday and so muscles are aching now. I notice aching muscles tend to make me breathless because I can feel the muscles pulling when I breath hard so it gives me the impression of breathlessness. Even this is temporary and it has no power no dominion over me because God's words say that by His stripes I am healed.

Yesterday, I felt really good and strong. I have been feeling like that the past two days. Two days ago, I looked at the mirror and said to myself 'Way to go girl!'. I don't know. I really feel a turn around for the better! Later that evening, my friend said I looked good and I have not met her for past 6 months. Another girlfriend said the same recently and she said she was sincere. :) Praise the Lord!

Jonah 2:8
'They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy'

I see the 'lying vanities' as the lying symptoms - the breathlessness, achy bones and weakness. These lying symptoms want to discourage me and make me think I am deteriorating. Jonah was in the great fish's belly yet he called it lying vanities. Jonah chose to look at God instead and he said 'But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD.'
So, I do not consider how I feel or see, just like Jonah, but I choose to stand on His words instead that He is restoring me back to health and healing all my wounds. I thank God for healing me everyday. I do this so that I can just receive God's mercy upon me. These days, as I get up from bed, I don't immediately cough. Somedays I hardly cough. The weakness has almost left me. I feel strength coming back to my body. All this is by the grace of God. I receive God's grace because I am His child. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my Abba Father.

I loved Marvin's message on Sunday, a message of Grace. We just have to believe what Jesus has done for us and trust Him. It is not anything that we do, not works, not law, just receive His love for us. That is the beginning of seeking the Kingdom of God, a revelation that He loves us that much that He died once for all for the sin of Adam and everything else will be added unto us. We are made righteous again with God because of what Jesus has done for us. So, we just receive God's abundant provision of grace and His gift of righteousness and we will REIGN IN LIFE!

Romans 5:17
For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

When we reign in life, everything will be added unto us even healing. Thank You Jesus. Thank You for all your provision, guidance and for healing me! Thank You for the support that is surrounding my family!

Invalidity Pension (Pension Ilat)

2011-07-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

Invalidity Pension ("Pencen Ilat")

During the first bible class during the term break today, Ps Vernon ministered to us and he had a word for all of us. When it came to my turn, he said "Confusion is gone. You know what must be done.". My first instinct was "Er, I don't know" but when I got back to my seat, I decided to write down the first things that hit my mind, the things to be done.

1. Follow God's words to compare to what is hitting my mind.
2. Remember God's words are true. God cannot lie. What the devil says are lies.
3. Meditate on the following scriptures

Psalm 23 especially verse 1
"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want."

Psalm 21:3
" For You meet him with the blessings of goodness;
You set a crown of pure gold upon his head."

2 Corinthians 9:10
"10 Now may He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness,"

Philippians 4:19
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:15,17
15 Now you Philippians know also that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church shared with me concerning giving and receiving but you only...
17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account

The best part was Ps Vernon did not know what we (Henry and I ) had faced last night. Henry and I talking about finances which I know is the hardest topic in our marriage. I have seen how lack of finances break down relationships and it is so very hard to piece that relationship together. Since I had resigned in January, I have no income and so, finances are very tight. And even tighter yesterday, I felt we needed to discuss and strategise. Immediately the cash flows flew out and there just appears not enough cash. I have learned so much from God and bible class he has put me to that it is now very easy to see where we can easily have a big argument. Praise God for His word to break the lies of the enemy. If we look at our current resources, there is just no way out. But we have Jesus, and His words says differently and God never lies. God says He will supply all our needs, we will not be in want, when we sow, He multiplies us, when we give unto God, fruit will abound to our very own account. Of course I did not see all of these until I went for bible class this morning and what a blessing it was!

Henry and I prayed about it at the end of it and we prayed about the fears I was facing. I had been putting off writing to SOCSO for the Invalidity pension scheme. Henry had strongly felt this was God's way out for us. I felt that since their letter to me to grant me the scheme was in 2009, it seemed hopeless to write to them now in 2011, now that I have resigned. I should have written in January but there was always something holding me back until last night. Also, they wanted me to show proof that i had stopped work and to provide them with a Notis Ilat. I did not know what it meant. I thought they wanted the firm to terminate me and i was wondering how this would happen. My malay colleague finally helped me give SOCSO a call and they just wanted to see the firm's acceptance of my resignation.

After we prayed, what I could not do in the past 6 months I did it in 30 minutes.

We are planning to go to the SOCSO this Tuesday and to discuss it with them. We seek your prayers that our discussions will be a success and they will indeed release us the Invalidity Pension to me with no problems.

So, this morning, when I attended bible class, Ps Vernon said he does not know why he is going off topic. He strongly believes in being led by the spirit and to be obedient so he helped explained how to overcome the feeling of lack and that God promises abundance. Henry and I were discussing about tithing. It would seem a challenge right, to tithe now but I challenged Henry that to overcome that, he should tithe even more.

Ps Vernon talked about giving and receiving. It is not the money that goes to church or even him personally but the FRUIT THAT ABOUNDS to your account. But our eyes always seem to look at how rich the person had gotten but when we sow, we should sow it unto God. Pray before sowing and the figure He gives us, sow it. Then, He will multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness. Also, he warned us, it is not always in money form that these blessings flow in. Maybe that is why we are so disgruntled because we miss the many other ways that God has blessed us.

It was very enlightening this morning and I thank God for His word that came bso quickly through Ps Vernon that he even had to go off topic. We were actually studying about dispensation of angels!

Praise God! Praise God! Thank you for your goodness, your abundant blessings, for your mercy upon us. Thank you Lord for everything! Amen!

Silly me

2011-07-19T20:48:00.001-07:00

Silly me

I do realize something about myself. I don't observe myself much so much so even when I take good stuff I can't tell whether it works for me. I am amazed when people can explain a reaction from taking something. But it is something I am working on. I made a silly mistake on Monday and it stems from not observing and learning from the past.

I did this stretching exercise on the legs, the one that you stretch both legs out and then you fold one leg behind you. I had done a similar one like that before two weeks before but with one leg fold in front of me and the result was I ended up limping. The massage lady at the club observed me and she wondered why a young lady like me was limping and she ended up massaging me for an hour for RM50. Little did I know she had been there for years and I also did not realize that the ladies bathroom had a neat little room with three exercise machines. It is really all part of fear. It is really so silly of me. Now that I am bold as a lion, the whole world is opening up to me. I had a great time talking to the lady, her family and the food she eats. She has a daughter as old as I am and then she realized I am not so young after all. Ha ha!

Anyway, so two weeks later, I did the same stretching exercise and immediately as I got up, I started to limp again and I felt so weak the whole day. Yesterday, I also came down with fever. It was such a hot day yesterday that I hid myself in the aircond room but to no avail. My body was still feeling warm. Ah ha! I must be having fever. So, I popped 2 panadols and I felt so much better and I started sweating so much. Ethan was diagnosed with hand foot and mouth disease but the ones at the elbow is clearing off. Praise the Lord! I don't think I got it from him.

Anyway, I just want to say, I feel really good today. I am not limping anymore and I am not going to try that stretching again. Still, I need some stretching exercise for my legs! I know the holy spirit will lead me.

This morning, during devotion, I hear Him saying to stay close to Him, meditate on His word, sing praises to Him. I started reading healing scriptures and played healing scriptures and even found a website that had a MP3 that I could listen to on a person's testimony on healing. (http://www.savedhealed.com/healing.html). It really helps to listen to audio materials when i am weak because even putting the bible on my belly seem so heavy! I also need to live a normal life rather than just resting. Just go about the house and do stuff and move around. It is kind of difficult now because of the weakness I feel sometimes but today I feel there is a turn around. I do not consider how I feel but I continue to look at Jesus and confess His words, by His stripes I am healed.

Lord, give me wisdom to do the right things. Direct my path O Lord, in Jesus name I pray. Amen!

Update - The Pain Is Gone!

2011-07-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

The pain is gone!

I am rejoicing at 3 am this morning (18 Jul 2011) because the pain from all the achy bones have left me. Last night we had a lovely birthday celebration for my mum at Oriental Banquet for her 70 th birthday. God's favor was upon us as I look back for the food was simply delicious, they had given us a room at no added cost,the service was excellent (we had our food apportioned the whole meal) and we even had a good time at karaoke at no added cost too!

However, I was feeling tired at the end of the dinner and even worse when I got to bed. Ethan prayed for me and then Henry prayed for me. Henry massaged my back especially the achy area while praying. He knows that God can heal me without all these supplements and vitamins, only God's creative word will do. And it did! Both of us woke up at 3 am, Henry because he suddenly had sniffles and I was awake because my heart was just full of praise for the pain that had left me. It must have been the third night that I felt all positions at bed time were uncomfortable and I have been tossing and turning a lot during bed time.

Today is day 6 taking solamargine. Earlier in the week I was still feeling breathless at times after I walk a short distance, some days i felt weak and it was discouraging me. The cough definitely has lessened. Praise the Lord! I felt the devil always had to cause some affliction so that I don't feel complete victory. Cough came back a bit more when I took Sabah snake grass on Day 2 and Aunt May said making some fenugreek tea would get rid of the phlegm. It made the cough more phlegmy though and Henry told me to stop taking the fenugreek. So I went back to cordiceps and the cough stopped again. Also, I did not take too much Sabah snake grass.

By Day 5, back ache was quite bad. Even in church yesterday, I kept rubbing my back and sitting at the pew was getting uncomfortable. I could not sit for the whole sermon and had to take a walk. Felt a bit weak as well but breathing is alright.

So, I am really rejoicing! All that pain has left me at 3 am this morning. I feel on top of the world and I have come downstairs to sing and praise God and thank Him for His miracle on me. Praise God! Praise God! I exalt Your name on high. Only You can do this Lord! Thank you for you are restoring me back to health and healing all my wounds. Thank you for answering our prayers! By Your stripes, I am healed. I will live and not die but declare God's wondrous works!

Update - Solamargine is in!

2011-07-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

We just received the solamargine today by courier directly fromTaiwan where it is produced. So, I will start consuming it beginning today. I have been told to take 2 capsules 3 times a day for first 2 days and if there is no tummy upset, then it is alright for me to consume 3 capsules 3 times a day after lunch.

Praise God for His providence. It has been really so smooth getting this product. Aunt Faith herself was getting her own solamargine directly from Taiwan but there were some delays so we had expected the same. I just met the homeopathy doc last Thursday and already the product is in today. Thank you Jesus!

Thank you all for joining with me and praying for a miracle over the next 30 days. I thank the Lord that He is restoring me back to health and healing all my wounds.

Elpizo - My Hope Is In God

2011-07-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Elpizo - My Hope Is In God

During Elpizo yesterday, Ps Chew Weng's Chee of SIB talked about our Christian hope. The scripture he took us to was from Hebrew 6:19 which was also the memory verse for Boys Brigade. Nic had to memorize this verse and I remember I did not quite understand what it meant. The memory verse just says "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

Hebrew 6:19
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20 where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.

When Ps Chew explained it, it was so simple and I wondered what I was cracking my head about. Earlier, Sheri was sharing we are not to just hope in God but to anchor our soul to God. Ps Chew drew a a diagram to describe this. Normally, the boat's anchor is at the bottom of the sea, hooked to a rock so the boat won't float away but when we anchor our soul to God, we throw the anchor upward to heaven and it is hooked onto God. And in heaven, the bible says:

Hebrew 7:25
"Therefore he (Jesus) is able, once and forever, to save those who come to God through him. He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf."

Jesus is always there interceding with God on our behalf in heaven. That is how secure and firm our hope in God is! The reason why we have this confident hope in God is because i ) God said, ii ) God swore and iii ) God sent.

Hebrew 6:16,17
Men swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath.

God not only swore His promise to us, He sent Jesus to die for us so that we can be reconciled to God.

Non believer's hope is based on circumstances. Christian's hope is based on God's promises. Non believer's hope is based on logic. Christian's hope is based on logos (God's words) and God cannot lie.

Hebrew 6:18
"... God did this so that we would be encouraged. God cannot lie when he takes an oath or makes a promise..."

My hope is not based on health food or nutrients that men swear by. Amazingly, Ps Chew said the same thing yesterday. Elpizo - my hope is in God, a confident hope, firm and secure.

I was asking Tina for Sabah Snake Grass during Elpizo and she taught me to just let as many people know that I needed them. By the end of the meet, Joanne came up to me and said her sis just called and asked her if she needed some snake grass. She thought of me to pass the extras to and this morning I just collected a whole bunch from her. We we're both so amazed and thankful to God and how good the timing was. It was not a coincidence but God's hand upon us. When we put our hope in God, we are never left ashamed or disappointed.

New life, new curtains

2011-07-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

New life, new curtains

One Utama had an exhibition recently and MY Curtains impressed me because they were willing to come to my house to measure and advise me on the curtains that I need to be changed even though it is for only one of two curtains!

The exhibition is finally over and today they came to visit me. I am gong to change some curtains that I see everyday and experience a new life! It turned out one of the lady's dad was also diagnosed with lung cancer. He was and is still a smoker, not on chemo and still alive and kicking. She did not seem too disturbed because he is already 70 plus. She said I am strong. Praise the Lord!

I found out today that what I had done for my curtains are a real mish mash. Ha ha. I might be good at blending curtains to the furniture but not too good with providing contrast. Henry has a better eye for this. Anyway, I am relying on a professional this time and she told me to go for contrast so that I can really experience a change. I am really looking forward to the finished product!

Update - Solamargine

2011-07-11T04:30:00.000-07:00

Update - Solamargine

Henry's Aunt Faith told us about Solamargine and it is medically proven to work on particularly lung cancer. You can read about it here http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0014579304011962

Prof Kou from Taiwan established that the optimal quantity of solamargine (a natural herb) to consume is 800 bowls of boiled solamargine. This is not humanly possible human to consume but he managed to downsize it to 9 capsules a day. A course of it would be 270 capsules over 30 days and the cost is a whopping RM 4,800! It is terribly expensive. Even if we could afford the first bottle, how could we afford the subsequent ones? Yet, I know God is Jehovah Jireh, God, our provider.

We met a homeopathy doctor, my very first. It wasn't a very pleasant one for me. I felt he was pushing me all the concentrated herbs that would do me good eg tycofinol, somenta, noni juice, solamargine and even chemotherapy all at once. I know he is Christian so I told him I believe in God, my faith is in Him. His healing can come through natural things, even a few blades of grass. It need not be expensive stuff. What if we do not have the money. He was surprised I chose not to take chemotherapy even though he himself did not want his mum to take chemo when she had cancer and she survived! When he finally realized my faith in God, he was burdened to pray for me and he did. Right at his clinic! It was a very powerful prayer for he claimed healing for me too. After he prayed, he said aloud to me that I will be alright. I claim it in Jesus' name. I take it as he prayed in the spirit, that is what he sensed from God. That was probably his best medicine for me! :) I was very touched indeed.

We are expecting the solamargine to arrive by courier tomorrow. Please join with me to pray for a miracle that with just this ONE bottle of solamargine, my body will be strengthened, the pain will be removed and healing will come quickly.

Henry was quite depressed after the session. He said all the feelings when we first heard the news and talk of finances flooded back. I assured him that God is for us, He is God the provider. He can demonstrate his faith in God by trusting God and just giving a bit more than he usually does for tithing and watch God pour down His blessings from heaven. Henry has seen this before and I know he will experience it again. Within just a few days, not even having increased his tithe, he was beaming from ear to ear when he showed me that his monthly car allowance has doubled! Praise the Lord! We continue to experience God's providence in many ways. Like Elaine said to me, there is no need to worry of finances because we have Jesus. My hope is in God not on solamargine. Even without nutrients, He can heal me instantly but He does work through natural things. God is in control. He knows what I need.

When we trust in God, He directs our path and it is wonderful how this information on solamargine came to us. There are just so many treatments out there and not all may be suitable for us but it is God who will straighten our path.

According to Henry, 2 nights ago, Ethan was praying for me but he told his dad that since mummy is not coughing anymore, what is he going to pray now?! I smiled when he told me that. It is a sign that my cough has truly lessened. Last night, Ethan prayed to God for the pain to go away (discomfort from chest) and to make me strong again ( to strengthen my body). He is such a sweetheart. Previously, every time I coughed he would just ask God to take my cough in Jesus' name and this prayer has now been answered. Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus! I claim your promises that by your stripes, I am completely healed! :)

Matthew 8:17
That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bore our sicknesses

Jeremiah 42:11 Do Not Be Afraid

2011-07-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 42:11 - Do Not Be Afraid

Jeremiah 42:11
Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands.

I was feeling discomfort in the chest and fears started streaming in. It is the overall discomfort from achy bones after sleeping and discomfort in the chest. At 4 am today, I woke up and I longed to speak to God but I was also feeling heavy and had to drag myself out of bed. I only got to the position of kneeling and so I prayed silently to God at my bedside while Henry and Ethan were fast asleep. I knew it wasn't enough, I really really wanted to talk to God as in crying out to Him, to state my case. So, I dragged myself downstairs. I started with singing praise to God but there seem to be so little air in me to sing but I persevered and the more I sang, the stronger I grew. Praise the Lord! I thanked God for healing me despite feeling so down this morning. While I was praying in tongues, I wailed so much. I told God, I know I am not against flesh and blood although the discomfort is real but I am against the powers and principalities. I know in the spirit, I would state my case and He would hear me because I was speaking to Him spirit to spirit. I asked God to strengthen my frame, to increase my honor and comfort me once again, to strengthen my spirit man that I may talk longer to Him. After quite awhile in praying in tongues, I saw the word "lemon grass" so I claimed that if I obeyed Him by taking lemon grass, my faith would increase as I see Him heal me. I went to the kitchen and made lemon grass tea and I prayed before drinking it. I looked up the bible and He took me to Jeremiah 42:11.

He told me not to be afraid of this pain, this discomfort. It is a lying symptom. He says He is with me and will save me and deliver me from the evil one.

This morning, when I woke up, I did not feel the normal achy feeling like I did the past few days. Praise the Lord and for His healing hand! He is faithful and even the word I saw in my vision this morning was true - to take lemon grass tea. My faith in Him has increased, I remain steadfast in Him!

During church service, Pastor Lotz, a visiting pastor said he was led to change his sermon to 2 Timothy 1:1-7 particularly verse 7 "God did not give us a spirit of fear, but power, love and self control". And he started giving examples from the bible where it said "Do not be afraid". Tears started to flow. God loves me so much he even gotten Ps Lotz to change his sermon to speak to me not to be afraid. God is in the ship with me, the battle belongs to Him, He will save me and deliver me. Thank you so much Ps Lotz for obeying God and listening to the holy spirit. Great things happen when we move in the spirit and our lives are changed.

It is the power of the cross, the power of the resurrection, the power of prayer that has strengthened me this morning. All glory to God!

Update - Nic and I

2011-07-04T00:29:00.001-07:00

Update - Nic and I

Henry observed yesterday that I hardly cough these days. I noticed for the past two days too. I had more energy yesterday morning after I woke up. I was watering and cleaning the garden only to experience a very heavy downpour thereafter. I guess Father God is saying the plants need a whole lot of more water! I was moving about quite a bit yesterday and I think it was because I started out the early early morning with devotion. My bones were achy again and so I did a praise dance cum exercise to the Lord. I don't think God minds. He knows us in and out and even before we do anything.

I really felt good after that. I just want to thank God for restoring me back to health and making me stronger everyday. I thank everyone for standing in agreement with me that By Jesus' stripes, I am healed. Many times, we are taught to thank God only after we see improvement but the bible says even when we pray, we are to give thanksgiving to him together with our request to him (Phillipians 4:6). Also, when we pray, believe we have received it and when you stand in agreement with me, it is even more powerful because Matthew 18:19 says 'Again, I tell you if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be DONE for you by my Father in heaven'. Praise the Lord!

Thank you so much for praying for Nic for there has been improvement over the week. He came home telling us he likes his class monitor and wants to be friends with her. I am so happy he wants to make friends. On Saturday, during boys brigade, the squad leader for his team was absent so Nic was given the opportunity to be the squad leader for that day! Little things like these help build Nic's confidence. I thank the boys brigade for making Nic the assistant squad leader in the first place even though he is so quiet.

Yesterday, during church, officer Karen told me he did a very good job on Saturday and that his whole attitude has changed ever since he was made assistant squad leader. Praise the Lord!

His English class had an open day yesterday and we managed to observe how he is at class. He listens very well but tends not to read so his teacher has to guide him instead. Teacher Ruth is very encouraging even down to the tone of her voice. Nic was very pleased to have us in his class. It makes him more secure I guess. It made me realize that the tone of voice is very important because the moment that Henry tried to correct Nic while teacher Ruth was not looking, Nic started his drama whine again in protest! I did not see that reaction with teacher Ruth. So, now I know that we must speak to him in an encouraging tone even when correcting him.

My aunt Dolly just gave me a bag of noni fruits. It is the first time I have seen what that fruit looks like. I heard it is a miracle fruit with anti cancer properties. Aunt Dolly told me that once the fruit is soft, to press the whole fruit against a strainer until the thick juice is squeezed out. Mix it with water and drink up.

I tried it this morning but I mixed it with beet root, carrot, ginger, apple and pineapple just to mask the 'vomit smell' of the noni fruit. The smell is not too bad. Thank God! Maybe the next time I will just drink it straight with water. It taste like lime.

Two years of new life!

2011-06-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

Two years of new life!

It has been two years when I was first at hospital to check what was wrong with me, why the cough would not go away. Since that first night at the hospital, it has really been an exciting journey watching God bring people to my life, experiencing how real He is, actually received His plans for me, learning more about Him in Leong Tien Fook's class, Deeper Life Seminar and Bachelor of Ministry. Most of all, I experienced love from the body of Christ itself and how together with the prayers of the saints, each time I faced a tough situation He always delivers me whenever I ask for prayers!

I think even though I started with a measure of faith, He increased my faith because from the first night, He just gave me such peace that everything will be alright. He has sustained me so far with the word of God, signs, encouragement from friends especially word of knowledge through the spirit.

This verse spoke to me this morning. It is from Hebrews 6:12

"We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."

The opposite without this rich experience with God through this journey is like this verse. A life of laziness, losing our priorities, the loss of how BIG our God is, being persuaded by our friends that what they do is alright even though the bible says differently. Slowly, we become spiritually dull and indifferent. So, I am warned this morning to never go back to the way I was.

The joy of walking with God far out shadows the cancer. I don't think about cancer, not because I am in denial but just a strong peace that everything is going to be alright because I believe I am healed in the spiritual realm. It is just it always bewilders me how to transfer head knowledge to my spirit man and my friends tell me to just receive it like a child. I do i do but being traditional, I have so many queries in my mind. Only a few weeks ago, God gave me this revelation and I finally have the answer!

I know God does not bring sickness to me. Yet, when faced with this question, "Is it God's will to heal me?", the answer would be "It is up to God's will and sovereignty" (traditional view) or "God does not bring sickness to you". (those who believe in healing). I agree with both but it does not answer my question! I definitely do not want to pray a pleading prayer all the time because how can I be confident? It has been 2 years and no satisfying answer but recently, He opened my eyes! I got it, I got! I was dancing and groovin'.

If it is not God's will to heal, that means it is His will for you to remain sick. So, no servant of God can pray for you because the poor servant of God will come against God's will. We also should not look to doctors to get well, because if we do get well, it might come against God's will and we don't want trouble with God!

Therefore, there is a difference between:
1. It is God's will for you to be sick; and
2. It is God's will that you should go home to be with the Lord.

God does not bring sickness to you. Therefore, it is God's will for you to be well again, to be healed! In this way, you can now appropriate healing, receive God's healing and claim all of God's promises for your healing with confidence that He hears our prayers (1 John 5:14). Just believe (Mark 11:24). Even though we do not really understand the term "appropriation", God still has mercy and compassion and does grant instant healing even to non believers. I have seen this in the many miracle rallies I have attended. Sometimes, it is God's will for you to be called home. That is God's sovereignty, God's will for you to be called home and we have no say about it because God is sovereign. It is far better to be home with God than to be here on earth yet there is a time for everything, even for dying.

The real journey is that person's itself. We do not know what is in their heart, what dark past they have, what unforgiveness they have, what desires they have. Maybe they really can't take the pain and want to go home. And God hears our desires and does not let us suffer more than what we can bear.

All I know is I can now confidently say it is God's will to heal when you fall sick and that is not the same with God's will to take us home. I can't believe how we could have been on the wrong wave length all this time!

Thank you Lord for this revelation. Thank you for leading me, guiding me, building me up all this time. It has been a great adventure indeed! :) as for the cancer, you are under my feet, you are pulverized, dead, dead, dead, finished, pulverized into dust and expelled from my body in Jesus' name! I thank you Lord that You are restoring me back to health and healing all my wounds. ( Jeremiah 30:17)

Stepping out in boldness

2011-06-28T19:22:00.001-07:00

Stepping out in boldness

The first term of bible class (Bachelor of Ministry) has ended and my first leadership assignment has also ended. Whew! At the beginning of the term, none of us in our team of five wanted to be a leader! So, we decided to cast lots. The one who holds the paper with a little star on it will be the leader. Yup, it fell on me. So, I praised God even though in my heart I went "Oh no!".

Proverbs 16:33
The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD

The consolation is it is an assignment from God. :) Earlier, a few of us thought there would be a possible friction within our team and I thought oh no, this is worse than church politics but thank God it turned out not to be or at least we prayed about it and it all got sorted out. Whew! The power of prayer!

Then, there was drilling time by Ps Vernon and the leader has to face the firing line and answer first with just a bible at hand. That was scary but thank God there were whispers into my ear for the answer!

I still remember Uncle Albert's prophecy to me in 2003 that I will be a church leader in 15 years. What? I get all shaky at just the word 'leader'. Since coming for Deeper Life Seminar and bible class, I have had another prophecy of leadership, intercessory leader. So, when the role of a leader fell on me, it was like another confirmation of God's plan for me. Ah well, I will just let the Lord lead me. For now, I just need to step out in boldness and just obey what He asks me to do. I am so glad my first assignment is over. It is term break now and another leader has been named. We still have to meet to pray every week to build up our group dynamics and we still have homework to do each day ie to spend time with God. We are such lazy creatures that without homework, I think most of us would just rather do our stuff first in priority over God at the beginning of the day. But when we actually spend time with God first, we are blessed throughout the day. Still, we do not get it. So, I guess that is why they call it homework. :)

She Will Live

2011-06-28T03:24:00.000-07:00

Hamir, my mother in law's neighbour, used to call me every other day and he would sing praises to God over the phone and pray for me and if God led him, he would give me a word or two to encourage me. He hasn't done that a long time as i drew closer to God. Just this morning, Hamir called out to Henry as he saw Henry walking down the road after sending Nic to school. He told Henry that as he saw him walking down the road, he saw the words "She will live". He told Henry "Don't forget to tell Liz".

Henry just told me and I was so touched, i teared. He also said to just trust God's words and that is what I am really learning now. That despite the circumstances, despite the aches I am experiencing, I tell God "I do not consider how I feel. I believe I have received your healing. I thank you for healing me". The pain is still there but it is only temporary. I think the aches are from the bug Ethan passed to me. I am going to try and walk it off shortly without pushing myself too much.

I thank God for His words through Hamir. God is good all the time. He just knows the right time to give us the right words. I love You Lord!

Update

2011-06-27T19:26:00.001-07:00

Update
Ethan was down with sore throat since last Friday and I think I got the bug from him. I was feeling rather weak on Sunday, unaware I was having fever. I sure did not feel hot, just weak. I thought I would feel better after lunch but I kept wanting to rest. At night, I asked Henry to pray for me and to ask for my home group to pray for me. At the same time, I heard in my head, take 2 panadols. Ethan and Henry prayed over the pills. Shortly after I popped the pills, I felt so much better, strong enough to clean up the kids' room! Amazing! Praise the Lord!

I still feel a bit shaky but I think I will do well once I put some proper nutrients into my system so I must be disciplined not to be lazy. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Please do pray for quick recovery for Ethan so that he does not pass any more germs to me.

Praying for Nic

2011-06-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

Praying for Nic

At about 2 am I woke up and decided to look up for articles on how to boost Nic's confidence. Every time Nic gets his report card, Henry and I just crumble and wonder how to help Nic. To me, it is not the academic that I am worried about. It is about bringing out his potential. With fear, there is so many things he would not dare to do. I know because I was in that position. Yet, I do not know how to bring Nic out of it. Yesterday, I sensed God say to pray for Nic so I looked up prayers for children. There was an article highlighting the big topics to pray for eg his relationship with God, his friends, protection,turning his weaknesses to strength etc. It was most helpful. The article can be found at this website, http://powertochange.com/experience/family/parentprayer/.

As I said a short simple prayer for Nic, I then prayed in the spirit and I broke down and cried. My heart was so heavy. I really don't want Nic to go through what i went through. Khin Wee I believe has a soft spot for Nic because he too can relate to Nic. He said to be patient with Nic and to keep encouraging him.

God is teaching me to lean on Him for help rather than to use our reasonings to help Nic. With our mind, we want to change schools, we want to put him to drama school over and above his current activities.

So, I am off to write a prayer to Nic now and keeping it in my bible. Please pray for wisdom for Henry and I and for us to rest in Him with regard to Nic.

Snake's head chopped off

2011-06-23T20:30:00.001-07:00

Snake's head chopped off

Isaiah 7:11
“Ask the Lord your God for a sign of confirmation, Ahaz. Make it as difficult as you want—as high as heaven or as deep as the place of the dead.”

I was praying today, well, as part of my homework too, to reach 40 minutes in praying in tongues. Previously, it was 20 minutes but now they have pushed us to 40 minutes. Anyway, while I was praying, Isaiah 7:11 came to my mind and I was thinking I know this one. This is God's rhema to me that the cancer will not rise up against me and they will be too shattered. So, I decided to look up the bible and instead, it was about asking God for a sign and to make it as difficult as you want!

So, I asked for the same sign my mum asked for, that once my cough goes away completely, it will be a sign that the cancer is dead and I can go for a scan to check to glorify God. But I also asked that He makes me bold and stouthearted, so confident, that I know that I know that I know that all is well.

My mum has been praying very hard for me. She prayed for complete healing to come upon me on Pentecostal Day on 12 June 2011. So, I also prayed that from 12 June 2011, I will just get stronger and stronger and start to put on weight. A few days before 12 June, she asked God for a sign of how will she know I will be completely well and she asked could it be that my cough would go away and I can go for a scan. She was talking to God in the car and suddenly when she asked this, a splash of rain fell from the sky across her windshield and that was that! To my mum, it was an answered prayer!

So, when it flashed before me Isaiah 7:11, I had no idea it was about asking for a sign but I believe it is no coincidence for God does not want me to lean on my mum's faith but to have faith on my own so He is asking me the same.

Ever since 12 June 2011, the cough has started to change so I am praying once all the phlegm comes out, the cough has done it's job and all is well. :) I have been exercising and stretching and lengthening my muscles. I noticed that as I climb stairs now, I do not pant so much. I see a slight improvement. Praise the Lord!

It is amazing how the evil one attacks. Yesterday, a Karen called me and she was diagnosed with lung cancer and had gone through chemo but tumours started showing up again and she is confused whether to take another round of chemo. The whole time I was talking to her, I was coughing. It was most frustrating. Thank God she too sensed it was the evil one at work.

I remember when i was in so much pain and the medical report showed that the tumour was growing, I felt so cornered by doctors that chemo is the only way out but God opened the door for us to take low dose naltrexone and we have committed it to God. The pain also slowly left me. God will do the same for you if you go before Him. He will open and close doors for you. Just commit to God your plan and it will be a success.

My mum had a dream a few nights ago. She was bitten by a snake but the snake seem very weak. So, she chopped off the snake's head. She was worried but her friends assured her she was alright and that the snake is dead. She woke up and felt that the venom of the snake was so weak. It wanted to kill her but it was too weak. So she claimed things are beginning to turn around and the evil one is leaving us. It has lost it's sting.

I quoted Luke 10:19 where we have been given the authority to trample on the serpents and scorpions and nothing will harm us. I too believe the devil has no choice but to lose it's grip on us because we are children of God and as long as we continue to stand on God's word and not look at our circumstance or the medical report (not aligned to God's word), we will have victory!

Previously, I would stand on God's word but get discouraged when I see the symptoms but God told me to keep binding and breaking the devil from me and keep gazing at Him and to confess His word. On 13 June 2011, my mum told me she has put me in the care of God and she is not going to worry about looking after me so much. I agreed with her and I am so happy she has let me go to God. In fact, all parents should do that when they dedicate their children to God knowing God will take care of them. We have grown so much since 12 June 2011. I just know I am going to see God's goodness in the land of the living and very soon. :)

Psalm 27:13

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

I continue to wait upon the Lord.

Update - cough reducing

2011-06-22T02:47:00.000-07:00

Update - cough reducing

I got up in the wee hours this morning feeling sore on my back so I decided to spend some time with God. It was not easy because my throat was dry. I wanted to sing and talk but it was tough. I started singing, all croaky but I persevered because I know if I sing long enough, I will be at His dwelling place. Then, I went into a dance and sort of like exercising but doing a praise dance to God. I was praying for my friends and then I broke out in tongues and then fell asleep again till morning. It was so weird but I enjoyed my time with Him.

I have been meditating on Psalm 27: 4-8

4 One thing I ask from the LORD,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, LORD;

be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Actually, the whole Psalm 27 is so beautiful. It gets better and better each time I read it. Yesterday, at Elpizo, Ps David of the Full Gospel Christian Church in Brickfields chose to speak on Ps 27. I was thrilled. Again, it is not a coincidence that he chose the same Psalm.

What I took home was he said to wait upon the Lord. And I know the term 'to wait upon the Lord' or at least I thought I did. He said to wait until we hear God before we declare or claim God's promises. This morning, I was just doing that. I was preparing myself to hear from God and each time I sense Him ie when I cry because I am touched by Him ( it works for me) I then began to claim His promises and it is more effective this way. Ps Yonggi Cho observes it is God's rhema word that heals. It is not just a list of God's promises that we run through but it does help to run through them because it is medicine and the more you feed on God's word it goes into our spirit man and brings life to our body.

As I laid down, I put my hand on my chest and just thanked Him and spoke His words "Thank you Lord for healing me. Thank you that you sent forth your word and healed me. Thank you that you have restored me back to health and healed all my wounds (Jer 30:17). Thank you that your word is spirit and life. Your word that you are restoring me back to health and healing me all my wounds are flowing through every cell, every tissue, every being of me ( my hand motions the flow of his words throughout my chest). Your life, your word is flowing into my lungs dissolving all tumours and growths. I thank you, I praise you that by Your stripes, I am healed. Body, align yourself to the word of God. Body, you are completely healed and made whole".

Last night, during bible class, a lady came forward and gave me anointing oil for my healing. I did not tell her my condition but i suppose she noticed me coughing. She said to apply it at bed time, say a prayer for healing and keep thanking God evey day after that. Ps David also said when we pray, we wait in expectation that God will heal us and we keep thanking Him that He has answered our prayers.

I applied the oil while saying the above prayer. This morning, I noticed the cough has reduced even more. It is no longer an itchy cough that starts every time I do something. It has changed to a productive cough where I cough to spit out white phlegm. Yesterday, during the entire Elpizo meeting, I hardly coughed. I did stretching exercise for an hour this morning and I hardly coughed too. Sometimes I cough continuously to get the phlegm out but once it is out, I am good.

The morning stretches got rid of the back stiffness. I really enjoy stretching. It is so relaxing. I feel rather good today. I am going to try to do another set of stretches at night too. I just want to glorify God for taking the cough away and making me stronger today. I know as soon as I say it, the evil one will plot to attack again but I will meditate on Psalm 27 and keep my head above my adversaries and gaze at God's beauty and dwell in His house instead. It is the only way to win the battle. Please pray for me my dear friends.

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Part 7

2011-06-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Part 6 Cable Car Ride

2011-06-19T21:21:00.001-07:00

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Part 5 Cable Car Ride

2011-06-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Part 4 More Swimming

2011-06-19T21:09:00.001-07:00

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Part 3 Underwater World

2011-06-19T21:05:00.001-07:00

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Part 2

2011-06-19T20:59:00.001-07:00

Danna Hotel, Langkawi - Underwater fun

2011-06-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

Update - Getting Stronger

2011-06-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Update - Getting Stronger

I was still feeling weak yesterday further to the nerve attack last Friday in Langkawi. Though the nerve pain is gone, it left my entire body weaker and there was some pain at the bottom of right shoulder blade. By the time I went for bible class, there was some pull on my chest near my right arm pit. It all seems very alarming but it has no power no dominion over me.

During bible class, I waited and waited for the right time before i caught Ps Vernon Falls to pray for me. After he laid hands on me and prayed, I felt the pull immediately left me. Praise the Lord!

This morning, I woke up a bit stronger. I had craving for Nasi lemak so I substituted the white rice with 10 grain rice which i cooked earlier.

This week seem like a healing week from me beginning last Saturday. My mum was praying for me during a vigil which started 10 pm last Saturday to 6.45 am Sunday morning (Pentecostal Sunday). I think she was slightly discouraged to hear of the nerve attack but I said that is normal. There is sometimes spiritual attack before miracles happen. Then, there was Ps Vernon praying for me. This Thursday, Bro Leong will be back in Shah Alam again for a healing fellowship and I will be attending with Lai Ping.

This morning, I received a healing cd from my friend who is very much into health food, fitness, meditations and has a statue of an elephant on her table. She actually visited SIB church and bought a healing cd for me by Dr Paul And and Dr Christina Ang! Praise the Lord! They read God's words and give testimonies of healing from their ministry. I cried listening to the cd as I prayed with the couple.

Then, this Saturday is the Miracle Healing Explosion at RLC church at Lot 5, Jln 51A/221, PJ. During our "wall of fire" prayer meet, our leader prophesied that it will be an uncommon session and the auditorium will be jam packed. However, there will be spiritual attack just before and we are to pray everyday till Saturday. I was thinking how the spiritual attack has already hit me but I bind and break it in Jesus' name. Last night, while we were praying in tongues, Ps Joshua Yee felt the presence of God so strong that he took over the mic and prayed with us and together we held hands and prayed for the miracle rally. He said he was compelled to do it because of the awesome presence of God and he felt God has surely heard our prayers collectively.

So, it is another exciting week and I look forward to enjoying God's presence this Saturday and continuing to receive his healing. Already, His power is at work in me. The Miracle Healing Explosion starts at 7 pm.

Do You Have Power?

2011-06-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

Do You have Power?

Acts 1:8

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

I still remember when Ps Vernon asked our class in Deeper Life Seminar 1 "Who thinks they have power?", only a few of us raised our hands but yesterday when he asked again in bible class, almost all of us raised our hands!

It is not like we are playing god. It is always "we in Christ". without Him we are nothing, but in Him, we have everything, we are heirs as children of God.

We have power, we have authority given to us by God so I constantly use it these days. The nerve pain is gone now. Praise the Lord! I was feeling weak yesterday morning as soon as i woke up and I could not exercise. I was too weak to cook. Anyway, my fridge was empty so I had to drag myself to buy groceries. But when I got home, I was still too weak to cook, so I made oats to eat instead and a couple of fruit juices. Again, it was Karen Kerr who motivated me to get back to the exercise routine because she had the same difficulties after her holidays. So this morning, I asked God for strength, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Yes, He did stengthen me and I went for my walk! Praise the Lord.

The pain is currently at the bottom of the right shoulder blade but even this will go away because what is seen is only temporary. There is a small spot of pain, pulling sort of pain when I take a deep breath. I bind and break all this spirit of pain, this spirit of affliction, this spirit of fear, all work of darkness assigned to me in Jesus name, I bind and break you! In Jesus' name, I command you to go from me and never return again! You have no power and dominion over me because I am a worshipper of God. I am a child of God. Holy spirit, fill me with God's love, joy and peace. I thank You for healing me. I thank you that you are restoring me back to health and healing all my wounds. I thank you that my immune system is getting stronger everyday. I claim your promises for me of Isaiah 7 that the cancer will not rise up against me, it will not happen, it will not take place. They will be too shattered, pulverized into dust, expelled from my body. I just stand firm on your word and it will be established. Thank you for you say in Isaiah 55:11 that you watch over your word to perform it. Thank you that you send forth your word and healed me. Thank you for your word for they are life and spirit (John 6;63). Thank you for the power and authority you have given me. In Jesus' name I pray Amen.

Please continue to pray for me. I am truly blessed to be in the body of Christ.

Jungle trekking and cable car ride in Langkawi

2011-06-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

Jungle trekking and cable car ride at Langkawi

We were blessed to be one of the earliest to reach the cable car station. There was no steep and windy drive up to the mountains because the cable car ride starts from the base station at the Oriental Village. Then it goes up to the intermediate station. It is a very steep ride and quite fast too considering how steep it is! Very powerful machine! Once we hit the intermediate station, the ride from here to the peak is what we can see from the hotel, way up in the mountains. It is more than just a ride. We got down at the peak and went up to the observatory deck. Then, we went downhill, a little jungle trekking towards the sky bridge. It is like a canopy walk except we are way high above canopies and the bridge is made of made of metal and stone. Nic and I keep wondering how they manage to build it!

Nic and Henry both were a wee bit afraid of heights. Nic kept wondering what if the bridge came down. I told him how is it possible if God love us so much? The whole journey he also asked many times what will happen if the black hole sucked in planet earth. I told him it will never happen because 2 Peter 3:7 says that heaven and earth are preserved by God's word. The world will be renovated, never destroyed in the sense that the whole planet earth will disappear.

2 Peter 3:7

7 But the heavens and the earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.

So, we can be rest assured the black hole won't swallow us up!

Ethan and I on the other hand enjoyed the sky bridge, both fearless and brave.. ha ha! The walk back up to the peak was a painful one for me. I was so breathless and that is really due to the lack of exercise, lack of stamina. Those sights of the ladies in stilettos climbing Batu Caves and panting and I always wondered why they are so breathless -now I understand! Ethan too decided to whine and asked poor Henry to carry him. Thank God it was only for 2 flights of stairs and not the whole way! Henry said it was a good work out.

So, in summary Nic gave a thumbs up for the cable car ride but thumbs down for the jungle trekking bit. Ethan, on the other hand gave thumbs up to both the cable car ride and the jungle trekking despite the whining.

One improvement I noticed from all the recent exercises was my thigh muscles did not ache at all that night. Whoo wheee! That is really a great improvement!

On Sunday morning, I woke up feeling more painful at the side of the waist. I think I pulled my nerve even more as I got out of bed. As I coughed, the pain was so excruciating, at one point I cried because I wanted to cough but I couldn't. The word that calmed me down and gave me strength was

Joel 3:10
"Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears: let the weak say, I am strong." and

Ephesians 6:10
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power."

I kept saying "I am strong" and "I am strong in Your mighty power".

Then, I would gain strength and not worry about it anymore. I went to soak in the sea and enjoyed God's creation around me. The clouds, the blue skies were beautiful. The mountains before me were dark green and way up the mountains I see the cable car ride again. The sea was calm and warm and there was no one else around except a man riding on a horse galloped on the beach passed me and greeted "Hello!". Then I soaked in the jacuzzi to ease the pain.

By noon, after a nap, I felt much stronger even though it is still hurt every time I coughed. As soon as we reached home, the pain was just a numbing pain and I can cough without excruciating pain now. Praise the Lord! Praise God for His strength. Did you know in Isaiah 27:5, God says we can reach out to take His strength. It is never our own strength that we overcome the pain but God's strength and it is so easy when we just rest in Him and let Him help us. Go ahead, reach out for His strength! :)

Isaiah 27:5

"Or let him take hold of my strength, ..."

Greetings from Langkawi Island

2011-06-10T03:48:00.001-07:00

Greetings from Langkawi Island

As we were about to land, I saw rain coming down from some rain clouds and rain streaming down vertically but elsewhere Langkawi is dry! What a sight!

We're staying at Danna Hotel. It reminds me of Raffles Hotel in Singapore and even Henry agreed. He said it is like old English colonial style. This is the nicest hotel we've ever stayed. The boys love it so much, they keep wanting to go back to the hotel room. You know why? Because they want to use the big bath tub. It has a sliding door between the bath tub and the bedroom. The bathroom is almost as big as the room! It is also the first hotel that served healthy celery and apple juice, no sugar added as their welcome drink plus a free neck and shoulder massage. Gee, we're really treated like royal family here. It is so luxurious!

Oh, the pool is huge, lots of shallow parts for the kids with an overflowing pool overlooking the sea and another big area for jacuzzi.

When we first arrived, I wasn't feeling well. Each time I cough, the side of my waist, a bit to the back hurts. I was tired, I hurt and fear set in. Thank God I brought my healing scripture book "Healed of Cancer" by Dodie Osteen. She quoted John 10:10

"10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

She would read aloud this verse everyday. But I found it useful to cast out the fear in me last night. She said she would say "Devil, you are not going to steal my health. You have not stolen my health, and you will not steal it. You will not kill me, and you will never destroy me, because I am a worshipper of God. I do His will, and He hears me. Jesus has come that I may have life, and have it more abundantly." I was quoting many other healing scriptures and the confidence arose in me again and by bedtime, worry had left me. Today, I could enjoy myself with my family, I even took a swim, sat in the jacuzzi to massage the hurting part and went to The Underwater World. Nic said he loves the penguins at the UW because they can "fly" underwater!

I suddenly realize how wonderful God's word is as medicine. It really is health food, spiritually, more important that healthy food that we consume daily because God's words feed our soul, our hearts, our spirit and then it overflows to the body and that is how healing takes place. It is not about whether it is God's will or how much faith we have. In my earlier journey all I could say is that it is different for everyone's journey but everyone has to walk their journey. Now, I understand more in detail. So, this morning,even as I woke up early in the morning, I just wanted to take in God's word and just kept repeating it over and over again until I felt God's assurance and love for me.

The pain is still there as I write but there is no anxiety. Last night when I was filled with anxiety, I actually felt weaker but today I am enjoying myself despite the pain. I sense the holy spirit telling me, don't worry, it is just muscle pain. Praise the Lord! Please pray for me too.

The cable car is high up in the mountains and we can actually see it from the swimming pool. At night it is lit up. It is so high up in the mountains. The drive up there must be interesting. Maybe a steep and windy road?

A Miracle Healing Explosion with Dr. Vernon Falls

2011-06-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

Dr Vernon Falls has ministered in over 100 nations of the world with mighty signs, wonders, miracles and gifts of the holy spirit.

Venue:
Renewal Lutheran Church
Lot 5, Jalan 51A/221
Petaling Jaya
(near Jalan 222 next to Sato Building)

Date: 18 June 2011

Time: 7 pm

Bring the sick and afflicted as Jesus does the healing.

Parking within the church is reserved for the elderly, the infirm, families with children and newcomers. You can park near the church or a parking lot marked prominently as "RLC Parking" along Jalan 222. Shuttle vans run every 5-7 mins an hour before and after the service. On rainy days, please drop passengers at the main porch. If you are walking alone to.your vehicle, feel free to ask for an escort at the guard house.

Update - God's love for me

2011-06-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

Update - God's love for me

It was 3.45 am when I woke up last Sunday and I went downstairs to do my devotion. I saw flashes of lightning and you know by now, that makes me very happy and I immediately sensed God's presence. Then it started to rain. That brought a smile to my face, filled my heart with joy but what I did not expect was when I finished devotion at about 5 am and headed upstairs to sleep again, the rain stopped! I really felt it was a special moment between God and I! Lightning and rain showers just for me. Thank You Lord for your love for me. :)

Exercise - so far so good. This week, I exercised on Monday and Wednesday (today). Thank you so much to Karen Kerr who smsed me to check whether I was going to exercise on Monday. I really really needed that. It has been hard to get into routine.

Teeny wheezing and mild gastric pain - hmmm, all these symptoms came up in the wee hours in the morning (today) when I woke up. It brought fear to my heart and I used my authority to bind and break it and I commanded the wheezing and the spirit of pain, fear and affliction to leave me in Jesus' name. It did not seem to be hunger pain but just in case it was, I drank nutrifresh (e excel) and ate a slice of bread. Then I popped a charcoal pill. Really, all this I just look to the holy spirit to guide me. I went upstairs and Henry asked for the time. I told him about the pain and wheezing and I asked for him to lay hands on me and pray for me. I sense he must do it everyday for me. There is something about a husband's prayer for his wife. The next morning, he asked how I am. I checked and said, I am healed! Praise the Lord! Can you imagine that wheezing can just go off like that? Nothing is impossible for God. :)

As what God told me on Monday, I really need to spend more time speaking out His word and casting out all doubts and unbelief several times a day. That is the only way to strengthen my inner man. As I sang "Through it All" this morning, it brought tears to my eyes. I long so much to be with Him...God is good, He delivered me once again!

I look to You

2011-06-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

I look to You

I love you Lord, I love you Lord, I worship You, I magnify You, I exalt You, You are my tower and refuge, my deliverer and my fortress. I look to You, o Lord, I gaze on the unseen. I love You Lord.

We sang this song at Elpizo yesterday. It is a beautiful love song to God as we worshipped in spirit and in truth.

Through It All lyrics (by Hillsong United)

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Everlasting Father, I love You
Ever living Savior, I love You

Everlasting Father, I love You
Ever living Savior, I love You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

You tube movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMROzRF4QyY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Update - Happy Holidays!

2011-06-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

Update

I had a busy week last week when the kids were with us during their school holidays. My mum and I took the kids up to Genting Highland and initially I thought we will make the kids relax with us at the apartment. I wasn't so interested in walking all the way to the indoor theme park at First World. I was hoping to save as much energy as possible. Alas! We did everything in the end. We took the cable car ride and we went on the rides in the indoor theme park, even swam at the apartment! Even my mum went on the rides! My favorite part was the 4D Motion Master which is currently showing pirates. It was quite amusing observing Ethan holding on to the handles and being flunk up and down, left and right. It is actually pretty thrilling. The food was horrendously expensive.

That night, my thigh muscles were aching so much I told my mum I wish I could cut them off! I prayed and prayed in all sorts of prayers including tongues and meditating on His word and in the middle of the night, my dear mum gave me a rub on the legs.

I found two verses that really assured me

Psalm 138:7
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;

Romans 8:11
But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwells in you.

The next morning, she asked me how I felt and I said I am healed! Praise the Lord! I had also used the negative ion clothing and wrapped more layers round my thighs and I thank God that His healing power just flowed through all these garments for my healing.

Henry and I also took the kids to watch Kungfu Panda 2. Ethan remember all the little scene. Do you remember a scene when Kungfu panda flew in the air and said a slow motion "I love youuuu"? Yup, he replays that scene with his fist in the air!

Bible class has been keeping me on my toes with tons of homework, group prayer meetings every week over and above the classes, wall of fire prayer meets, pop quizes and exams. Last night we had one and a half hours of examination on bibliology. Thank God we were allowed access to our bibles, notes and even discussion within our group, sort of like a group challenge. But we were to write down all relevant scriptures and I was frantically writing them down and still trying to make time for the other questions. Whew! I am so glad that it is over for that topic.

We're off for holidays with the kids again very soon so it's busy busy time again. I just thank God for the strength and I do try to get plenty of rest even while on holiday. Happy hols to you too! :)

God's promises fulfilled in the proper time

2011-06-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

Luke 1:20

"And behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their time."

My spirit arose as i read "my words, which will be fulfilled in their time". When God gives a rhema to us, we can expect it to come true but unbelief can hinder us to live out what Christ has in store for us.

God is teaching me to claim His promises and that His promises will come true at their proper time. He tells me to believe and to cast out all spirit of unbelief in Jesus' name. I sense Him saying I should do it several times a day if I have to until I am confident and so sure that there is no sickness left. He wants me to keep pressing on and to keep using His words to speak it out so that my faith may be increased.

It was unbelief that got Eve into trouble as she believed the serpent's words over God's commandment to her and she got deceived. But when we believe in God's words, His promises come true and wonderful things happen. The bible says:

We experience the holy spirit -

John 7:37
"He who believes in Me, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water."

If it is God's rhema word for you , we can believe it will come true in it's proper time. Just keep planting His words in you, keep speaking it and it shall be done for you.

John 15:7
"If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you."

Thank you Lord for this morning's devotion. It is so wonderful to just experience your presence and being with You!

Update- white hair turned black!

2011-05-31T00:56:00.000-07:00

I was at a family reunion 2 weeks ago and as soon as my cousin saw me she said "Did you dye your hair?". Why would I dye my hair? The chemicals would do more harm to my body. She said my hair has become darker and Aunty Dolly confirmed this.

Then, I remembered awhile back, Helen's husband had shared with me how his white hair turned black when he took the stem tech pills. I wasn't convinced then and the reason why I take stem tech is to allow my bone marrow to produce stem cells to repair all the organs in my body that needs repairing. Today, I was chatting with Ying Chee whose friend is also encouraging her to take stem tech. YC was diagnosed with lung cancer. I have also been encouraging her since it has done me good. Her friend demonstrated to her how her hair turned black as well. On the same strand of hair, the hair closest to the root turned black.

So, there must be some truth eh? Anyway, looks like I have new new hair now. No wonder, so many people have come to me to say I look better. It really is because the at the very first glance, they see your hair and if your hair looks good then, naturally, the first impression you get is good as well.

Now my cousin is considering trying stem tech just to get her hair to turn black..ha ha. I wouldn't if I were her but if she takes stem tech for better health and as a result get nicer hair, yeah, then by all means, buy it.

I say "Thank you Lord for Your gift to me. Thank you for a new crop of curly and black hair! Praise the Lord!"

Update - Exercising

2011-05-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Philippians 4:13
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I just finished exercising brisk walking around my neighborhood. It is really such an achievement to me, overcoming my laziness. I really need to build up my stamina and immune system. The other day at Planetarium, I witnessed Nic skipping up a looooong flight of stairs like a prancing deer. But both Ethan and I were walking slowly, Ethan because of his weight, mine, because of my stamina..ha ha..but we were both in the same state huffing and puffing..well not that much but a bit. At the end of the night, my thigh muscles were aching but Ethan was fine. That was when I realized I needed to exercise more!

Getting out 2 to 3 times a week to exercise is such a chore. If i manage to get out to exercise 3 times a week, I will be so thrilled! Last week I learned that it is my spirit that dominates BOTH my mind and body so I should not allow this lazy mind (which may also sometimes harassed by the devil) to rule me and as a consequence make my body suffer. In order to build my spirit and renew my mind, I need to read scriptures to spur me on like Philippians 4:13.

A few of you have asked how you can help me so I pray you can help me in this area. Can you pass me scriptures that will motivate me to exercise and also send me YouTube movies or articles on doing simple exercises? That would greatly help me and motivate me. For now, Henry is my best motivator. I exercised today because he reminded me so! I really need to get to a position I can stand on my own and just do what is right in God's eyes!

I memorized this from Exodus 15:26
He said "If you listen to the Lord your God, and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring any of the diseases I brought upon the Egyptians for I am the Lord who heals You".

It shows that being away from God can make us sick but to listen to God we need to apply what He says to our lives. Anyway, It feels good letting the sweat trickle down as I write this. The endorphins are being released! Praise God! Thank you for the exercise Lord!

Quickened!

2011-05-28T18:48:00.001-07:00

Quickened by the word of God

Psalm 119:93 KJV

"I will never forget your precepts: for with them you have quickened me."

This is so exciting. I received a revelation yesterday while reading the above bible verse and it brought me so much peace. This week during Elpizo, Ps Sylvia reminded us to believe according to Mark 11:24 but believe in what? Believe that the power is already at work in us. Sometimes, even though I believe, whenever symptoms show up, and I still ask for the holy spirit to come and quicken my mortal body, I think it is such a futile exercise because I am still feeling the discomfort.

But the above verse from Psalm 119:93 shows that God's word is true. When He says he quickens, He means He quickens. There is no doubt about it. "Have quickened" is in the past tense. It is not that he is going to quicken, His words have quickened me. I found such assurance in Psalm 119:93! So, when discomfort hits me, I just repeat over and over again, "Your words O Lord have quickened me" and I will then say out aloud all the promises He has given me knowing that His words will indeed quicken me, His words will indeed give me life - God's life and His spirit will quicken my mortal body. :)

Whenever I see my bible on the table, I would normally say "later", but the past few days, i have an inner voice that tells me instead "there is power in God's words" and it is so true. Every time, I read it, He brings assurance to me and just the other day when I gave Alison a scripture that impressed me for her, she said God said the same to her! That is the holy spirit working! Wow! All glory to God! That is what God wants us to do for each other, to love one another, to share psalms, verses and spiritual songs with one another.

Ephesians 5:19 ESV
"addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,"

All glory to God! Thank you Lord for your rhema word to me.

Update

2011-05-27T02:56:00.001-07:00

Update

Exodus 15:26
He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you."

Joshua 21:45
Not a word failed of any good thing which the Lord had spoken to the house of Israel. All came to pass.

Jeremiah 30:17
'For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds'

I was coughing quite a bit just now, the itchy sort that can't seem to stop. I gargled my throat with salt water, took a concoction of grated ginger, lemon and honey, laid down and started reciting the above verses trying to memorize them and say it over and over again.

After reading the book "Bible in the light of our redemption" by EW Kenyon, he also helped me understand that as primarily spirit beings, we use our body and mind. So, it is not our mind that dominates our body. It is our spirit that dominates both our mind and body. So, that is how it works. That means when my mind is renewed after reading God's words, my spirit can command my mind and my body to align itself to God's words. So, when I am lazy to exercise or if symptoms show up like coughing, I can command the laziness and the cough to leave me and use scriptures to tell my mind and body what God says.

If I get too lazy to exercise, I will quote Philippians 4:13 "13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength." this morning was good. I managed to get out with little resistance but it started to drizzle so i had to head back. I will try the stairs later.

As I laid back to recite the scriptures after coughing, my body just calmed down and I did not cough anymore! In fact I went on to sing 50 times Psalm 59:16,17 amended to 'mercy' and 'Healer', I was quite surprised I could sing so long. Truly, it is the holy spirit at work just carrying me to worship God.

I will sing of your mercy Lord
In the morning I sing of your love
For you are my Healer in times of need
Oh Lord, I sing praises to You
You o God, are my Healer
my Loving God.

Praise the Lord for His healing touch and for the power in His word. His words are truly life to us And health to our flesh!

I learned two things from Elpizo this week:

1. Believe. I walk by faith and not by sight. I gaze on not what is seen but what is unseen because what is seen is temporal but what is unseen is eternal. 1 Corinthians 4:16) God has already healed me in the spiritual realm. By Jesus' stripes I am healed. I just continue to gaze on the unseen and have faith and it will be established.

2. Believe that the power of God is working in me to heal me. Yes, it is already at work in me. His word says He will restore me back to health and heal all my wounds.

As I walked into Elpizo this week, Maria came to me and said she had wanted to lay her hands on my lungs to pray for me out of obedience to what the holy spirit told her to do. She was supposed to do it two weeks ago but she was caught up in busyness and had not. I was so touched. I longed for her prayers for I was feeling anxious about my chest that few days but I have been binding and breaking myself. I thank God that she obeyed the holy spirit. I teared the whole time she was praying for me. That was all the anxiety leaving me knowing that God was thinking of me. She later confirmed that what i have been doing all this while is gazing at the unseen by faith. Praise the Lord! Praise God for her encouragement to me. :)

5 Senses vs Revelation Knowledge

2011-05-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

5 senses vs revelation knowledge
Bible class has made me more aware of who I am in Christ and how to operate in the spiritual realm. Over and above attending classes, we now have two text books to read, one of them being the "Bible in the light of our redemption" by EW Kenyon. The first two chapters made me understand that God made us as spirit beings with a body and soul, so the way we communicate with God is through the spirit.

Human beings with their 5 senses alone are not able to contact God although "that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse" (Roman 1:19,20).

Psalm 19:1 says "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." I took Nic and Ethan to the Planetarium near Lake Gardens on Wesak day and we watched "Passport to the Universe" at the Space Theatre (RM 2 for kids, RM3 for adults). To the kids it was just a documentary on stars, more stars, planets and more planets! After watching this movie and reading this book, it made me understand that God made the universe to sustain the earth and God made the earth for us as our home, to be inhabited.

Isaiah 45:18
For thus said the LORD that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he has established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I am the LORD; and there is none else.

As I watched the movie from that perspective, i was so in awe of God's love for us. Earth is set within the milky way which is set within the Virgo Supercluster which is set within the Observable Universe. Even within the Virgo Supercluster, milky way is mighty small compared to the other clusters. Yet, till today, what is known to men is that we are the only human beings in the entire known universe.

Without human beings, there is no reason for the beauty of earth's surroundings, there will be no one to enjoy the beauty of God's creation. That is why all the planets discovered so far are plain, unlike planet earth. Earth will always be our home according to the bible. It will be renovated but it will never be destroyed as in our planet being blown up. There may be fire to burn up the surface of the earth. The bible says in 2 Peter 3:10 " the earth and everything in it will be laid bare." We will have new heavens and new earth and now I know the heavens include the entire universe.

Revelation 21:1
1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.

So, as much as men are able to sense there is an intelligence and super power behind the creation of the universe, we will never know about God's redemption plan for us through Jesus Christ. We will never know more of what God wants to say to us except if we read God's words found in the bible (revelation knowledge). Spirit talks to spirit. So when we pick up the bible, we are reading God's mind through the spirit and that is how our mind is renewed. Without this understanding, it seems such a chore to read the bible!

So, I realized how dangerous it is not to consider the gift of tongues because maybe we think we will just wake up one day with it. Even without tongues, we have the holy spirit but according to Mark 16:17 all of us who are believers can speak in tongues.

Mark 16:17

And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues..."

When we pray in the spirit, we are praying to God spirit to spirit and the holy spirit gives us the perfect prayer according to the will of God.

Romans 8:27
And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

It is dangerous to just rely on our five senses to seek God because it will be limited to what is revealed around us through His creation but we do not hear God more than that.

It is dangerous not to read the bible because we are not hooked to God through the spirit reading God's mind. Accordingly, our minds cannot be renewed.

Then, really, no wonder Christians can be spiritually dead living with just their 5 senses! No wonder I was so close to death. This morning I prayed in tongues with new fervor, it is my language directly with God, spirit to spirit. I don't know what I pray (1 Corinthians 14:2 For one who speaks in a tongue speaks not to men but to God; for no one understands him, but he utters mysteries in the Spirit) but i know I am communicating with Him through the spirit. I know His power is working in me and helping me overcome my laziness to exercise and read the bible!

Healing session with bro Leong Poh lye

2011-05-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

Journaled on 12 May 2011

Healing session with Bro Leong Poh Lye

The first thing he said when he saw us (12 May 2011) he said "You are very brave". I think he means that we trust him to the extent that we come all the way to Shah Alam to find him. He asked us some questions as he was trying to understand in the spirit why we were diagnosed with cancer. He narrowed it down to unforgiveness towards my maid because I really hated her that time but I have since forgiven and released her. He had wanted me to hug and kiss her but I told him she has returned to Indonesia.

Lai Ping was sharing how she have never felt warmth or the way people talk about. Bro Leong was so confident she would experience it today. I wasn't so sure because really sometimes we do not feel anything and really there is nothing wrong with that because the holy spirit is gentle. Anyway, I stood behind her and Bro Leong asked her to imagine Jesus before her and he started praying without touching her. I started to see her slant backwards and then she started moving backwards and although I caught her she kept moving backwards across the room. She laughed. Bro Leong told her not to laugh but she said she could not help it because she was so happy. Bro Leong asked her what she experienced. She said raising her hands in the air "I felt the power of God! I am so happy. I felt warmth". She was so excited! He told her to try again but to just relax but she did it again..she just kept moving backwards as he prayed! Only the third time, she just fell backwards and she laid on the floor for awhile. During my turn, when he started praying, I saw a silhouette of Jesus and I was so overwhelmed by God's love, I started to cry and fell backwards, laying on the floor with tears streaming. He said both of us would be healed because of the anointing. He recommended no chemo for Lai Ping. He says sometimes the holy spirit will tell him to say no operation or chemo etc.

We were overjoyed and praised God. For me, I really knew the answer and this was another confirmation that God will completely heal me. Meanwhile, my mum was praying at home from 2 something to 3 something in the afternoon. She asked God for a sign to show her whether He will have mercy upon me and grant me healing. She thought to herself maybe thunder or lightning because that is something I really love and I always say that it shows the power of God. Immediately, she heard a very loud thunder and she knew God answered her prayer! She said it wasn't even raining then. It was a bit later and after a few rumbles later that it started to drizzle. I wasn't surprised at all because God answered me before by way of lightning when I asked for lightning to route the enemy. I was jumping with joy when my mum told me this.
It was such a wonderful time with bro Leong and to see Lai Ping's
experience, my own experience and my mum's experience. Later at night,
Henry showed me his twit about "a peal of thunder..looks like heavy
rain is coming". It was 3.14 pm. My mum was again delighted. Of all
people, even Henry confirmed hearing the thunder (a long distance from
where my mum was). it wasn't something she made up. Praise the Lord!
You are so awesome!

Bro Leong recorded his song from Psalm 59:16,17 on my handphone and I
played it to my mum to hear. She had wanted to learn the song which
bro Leong asked us to sing 150 times a day! In his cd, he only
instructed for 50 times! I was really skeptical at first because it
should not be works but I know he wants us to sing Psalm 59 because it
is God's words and there is power in God's words. The more you sing
the words of God, the more you come into His presence and enjoy
intimacy with Him and trusting God's words. That is the real purpose.
Bro Leong explained it is like reading God's love letter to you 50
times and calling God a loving God. Would it not tug His heart? I
have tried it before singing 50 times but I found it extremely
difficult. I can do maybe 10 times but I did not get the tune right
either. But when he recorded his voice and when I got the tune right,
I found myself singing to God over and over again because i was
enjoying the tune too. Still, i wonder if I can reach 150 times. I
don't really want to count because it should be from the heart. He
said after awhile it becomes second nature to us. He told us about
this lady who sang it in the hospital and the nurses loved it and
asked her to continue singing it. He said God told him to delete a
few words and to replace it with the word "healer" to make it into a
healing song. It goes like this:

I will sing of your mercy Lord
In the morning, I sing of your love
For you are my Healer
In times of need
O Lord, I sing praises to you
You O God, are my Healer
My loving God

It is a song of deliverance sung by David when his enemies pursued
him. The NIV 1984 version of this passage goes like this:

But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble.
O my Strength, I sing praise to you;
you, O God, are my fortress,
my loving God.

He says it is not sufficient to say "You are my Healer". More
importantly we cry out to God that "You are my loving God".

I see the light

2011-05-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

I see the light

We were so amused last night when little Ethan broke out in the following song at bedtime last night. We thought to ourselves "hmmmm, it sounds familiar. What are you singing?". Then, Henry said "it is Tangled - I see the light!" it is really such a romantic song and it is so nice to hear little Ethan sing in high pitch "And at last I see the light". He can't sing all the lyrics and most of them are some mumbo jumbo English but it was heart warming to hear him sing. We started him on drum class and he is very excited about it. Last night he told me about the different drums - floor Tom, first Tom, second Tom, snare drum, base drum and hi hat. Did he get it correct?

All those days watching in the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here suddenly I see
Standing here it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

Eugene(Flynn)
All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in the blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she's here shining in the starlight
Now she's here suddenly I know
If she's here it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go

Eugene(Flynn)and Rapunzel
And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

You tube movie - I see the light
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw6q5189kpc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Low Dose Naltrexone and Alpha- Lipoic Acid

2011-05-11T05:03:00.000-07:00

The story goes on... big institutions do not want to do things differently. They rather let their patients die. Thank God for Dr Burt Berkson and his Phd. He says people with Phd want to do things differently. He contradicts himself because he is also a MD. Anyway, he talks about the use of LDN together with ALA. Henry and I have heard of this for quite sometime now from the LDN discussion forums but we only realized last week that ALA is easily available in pharmacies. So, I began the combination of ALA with LDN on Monday. This LDN we believe is an open door for us from God and we have committed it to God. Listen to the interview with Dr Berkson at

Audio interview with Dr Berkson

http://www.prescription2000.com/Staying-Healthy-Today-Radio-Interviews/2010-01-22-burt-berkson-lipoic-acid-naltrexone.html

Exciting Week

2011-05-11T02:48:00.000-07:00

It is only mid week but it has been very exciting. I thoroughly enjoyed bible class on Monday and Tuesday because it was so full of anointing under Ps Bernard. He spoke a lot about the book of Acts and encouraged us to read prayerfully each and every page of the Acts. He did that on bended knees and it took him a year to study it. If we are looking at growing our cell group or church planting, this book is very important because we can see the difference in the apostles before and after they were touched with the power of the holy spirit.

He said a lot of times, we are not delighting in the Lord, so we are not disciplined. We need to delight in God so we can have both faith and power. Many churches are on extreme ends. They concentrate on the word of God and so they have faith (because faith comes from hearing the word of God) but they leave out the holy spirit. On the extreme end, we have churches emphasizing on the holy spirit so they walk in power but they have no faith because they do not have the word of God in them. But to have both faith and power from hearing God's word and being led by the spirit, we will walk under the anointing as holy man/ woman of God!

Ps Bernard shared so many blessings upon him, his family and his church in Taiping. His church building is fully paid for (about 3 to 4 million) by small town folks. He said people's mindset in small town goes up to maybe RM200,000 for two shop lots for a church. If you talk about RM500,000, they rave about it. But God blessed his church and it grew and grew. There are no big businessmen to support the church he says. There was one time he found letters with cash adding up to RM100,000 in his letterbox. He comes from a very poor background so it was such a temptation to see so much cash but he did not even want to think , rationalize or pray about it but he just called the treasurer to bank the money for church building fund.

He emphasizes again and again to us that the church/ business/ family/ ministry wee build must be according to what Jesus wants it to be because everything we have belong to him even the fresh breath that we breath daily. If we understand this concept, then we will know that all we have is from God ALONE so that we do not boast in the middle of our ministry or business that it was our doing. There is a reason why He blesses us. It is a supernatural blessing. His wife asked him why he never revealed to her how poor he was when he dated her! He only had RM 5 in his account. Somedays she wonders how he could support their 3 children through school. They were driving past a very rich residence when they had this conversation. Suddenly, he saw RM10 pass his windscreen and he shouted "money". There wasn't anyone around to return the money to. A short distance later, another RM10 flew past his windscreen and a short distance away, a RM5 flew past his windscreen. It was God responding to them that He is the one that will provide for his three children. Today, he can stand before us that God provided scholarships to his 3 children. He dare not allocate which note was for which kid! Such supernatural blessings.

Based on the book of acts, he says the church should be
- a church of faith
- a church of power
- a praying church
- a loving church
- a giving church
- an obedient church
- a supernatural church or a victorious church

Faith will make all things possible if we believe.
Power will make all things work.

He imparted to us all that he had. We were so drunk in the spirit that night. It was awesome. Some cried, some laughed, some slain.

Then I received an SMS from brother Leong that he was making his way to KL again and he wanted to pray for a few people including me! We had to schedule appointments with him from tomorrow 3 pm to Saturday 12 noon so I booked his earliest slot. I will be going with Lai Ping to meet him. My mum is terribly excited because she saw his testimonies in a cd. For me, it is all about being in the presence of God. When we are united and in agreement, the presence of God is even greater. I would rather keep going for healing then to allow the devil to put doubts in my mind. Even if I don't feel any warmth rushing through me, I still believe and I know that God has granted me complete healing because He has said to me so many times in so many ways. How can I doubt my God. So, please pray for me and Lai Ping at 3 pm tomorrow (Thursday) when bro Leong prays for us.

4 testimonies from Elpizo

2011-05-11T02:33:00.000-07:00

There were amazing testimonies from four people who attended Elpizo yesterday that demonstrate the supernatural power of God and how His ways are higher than ours. When we do not have God in our heart, we follow the natural, the facts but when we follow God and simply believe His word, we can experience His supernatural healing.

1) Alfie who was diagnosed with stage 4 thymoma cancer
His tumour was quite big - approximately 10 cm by 6 cm. He initially asked "Why me?" A second opinion from a Singaporian oncologist gave him 70% success rate and that gave him hope. As he turned to God, he stumbled upon John 11:4 'When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”' This was a rhema from God and this verse gave him hope that God told him that 100%, he will not die but will glorify Him! As he sought God, his confiedence in God grew and he stopped asking "Why me?".

He went through 6 cycles of chemo, 3 drips each cycle, so all in all a total of 18 times of chemotherapy. The tumour was almost touching his heart and T7 of his spinal chord so he couldn't be operated on. He had to go through 21 sessions of radiotherapy. The doctor warned him of side effects of the chemo and radiotherapy but through it all, he had minimal side effects, not even nausea! Within 7 months of his treatment, the tumour did shrink to about half. According to his doctor, the tumour is like a husk and in cancer like these, the tumour normally does not reduce much. However, during the last scan in April (about 4 months later), the scan showed that ALL the cancer cells are INACTIVE and the tumour size had further reduced to less than half. Only God can do miracles because He is a supernatural God. Alfie said that God has His timing for all of us, some miracles happen overnight, some bit by bit. So, we just need to patient and just cling on to His words.

Sheri Lim shared that as a believer, our patience is a hopeful waiting in confidence, trusting the Lord to deliver, but for a non believer, it is a desperate wait in hope, constantly seeking a cure and living in the natural. Sometimes, even Christians have no confidence. That is because they do not have God's words in their hearts. The word of God is about God and the holy spirit. When we have holy spirit and God, we have the power to command the cancer cells to wither and die.

2) May diagnosed with stage one breast cancer

She knows many other women suffer moret Han her because her diagnosis is only stage one. She wanted to share with us how she overcame fear. She was a new Christian then and not a very fervent one. She returned to church to pray. Everywhere she turned or read, God seems to be telling her "Go natural". So, she sensed from God not to do chemo or radiotherapy. She discussed with her husband who also agreed. However, they felt to be safe they ought to do at least 10 doses of reiki (?) radiotherapy treatment. After the treatment, she confided in her close doctor friend who was shocked that she didn't go for the normal chemo and radiotherapy. May felt so terrible after that and she cried to God whether she had heard Him correctly that maybe she made a mistake after all. A pastor prayed for her and gave her a word from God "Jesus says I am the one sacrificed at the altar and not cancer" She still had doubts. When she felt pain, she wondered where there was a recurrence. She went through doubts for a year and then she had a dream. She dreamt she was tearing out from her skin like snake skin, like tearing cancer away from her body. A beautiful angel appeared and said "I told you, you are healed". She woke up and repented " I am so sorry I did not trust you. I will remember your word 'the one sacrificed is Jesus not cancer'". Since that day, her faith grew leaps and bounds. Today she is an intercessor in her church and also serves in the creative ministry! She said it was Satan that blocks messages from God and puts fear in her heart but today she stands victorious!

3) Julia diagnosed of thyroid cancer
Her recent scan showed that she had no more mestatasis. She constantly had fears of what the scan would show but despite that God was merciful and cleared her from cancer. She sensed God telling her that she must glorify God. She clung on to His word of Matthew 8:17 She seems like a shy elderly lady but because of God's power, she stood before us yesterday to give us her testimony. She told us she disciplined herself to read Sheri Lim's book daily, a chapter a day. She read the daily bread daily. She read five verses daily from Dodie Osteen's book "Healed of Cancer". She read 2 chapters of the bible daily. She shared that her husband is going for baptism soon and we all clapped and rejoiced in the Lord! She is so joyous that she has this longing to serve but she didn't know what she could do so she decided to wash dishes at the senior citizen's group in her church and even in Elpizo!

4) Tina diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in 2007 - recent relapse

When it was confirmed of her relapse of breast cancer in May she said she had NO FEAR! She says she has the joy of the Lord. In fact, she said she thinks you can rarely find someone like her - fearless of what is to come. She believes that her life here is temporary but she is ever ready to go if the Lord calls her home. She felt lumps in her neck. She said it can't be operated because she may have a stroke and there is only a 5% safe rate. She just wants to glorify God. She said after 10 months of relapse and not doing anything, she was progressively deteriorating. She couldn't eat well and each time she ate and drank, she felt like choking. She could not sing. She opted for targeted therapy. On 8 March this year, she had a ct scan but her doctor wanted her to do a pet scan as well as a procedure on 31 March. She was not happy about the radiation but took the doctor's advice. On 11 March, her friend gave her some Sabah snake plant which she took for 4 days. She also did her fist chemo. The result of the pet scan showed that the tumour shrank a lot! Her doctor is surprised. She can now eat, drink and sing again! She said when she goes for healing rallies, she doesn't feel anything. But she said just believe even when you don't feel anything after the healing session. She thanks God daily for her healing. She said sickness is all in the mind. Just try focussing on God instead and you won't have much side effects. Tina is a lady full of joy. Her doctor recognizes her and she asked why. The doctor said it is because she always comes in smiling when she sees him.

Sheri Lim says that in Tina's case she has experienced spiritual healing. She looks to the Healer and not the healing. She just wants God's presence. If your spirit is strong, it doesn't matter if we die physically because the fact is, we can die anytime. She gave us a verse from 2 Corinthians 4:17 "17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." so ww should fix our eyes on what is unseen and not what is seen. As our spirit strengthens, healing spreads from inside out, first from our spirit to our soul ( ie mind, emotion and will) and from our soul to our body. It is like an egg. Spirit for the yolk. Egg white for the soul and egg shell for the body.

You have been good to me

2011-05-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

You have been good to me

After this morning's devotion on Philippians, this song came to my mind and as I sang it, i was so deeply moved. I just opened my hands to receive more from God because i believe there is more. He really has been so good to me. I pray you too will be blessed.

I believe there is more by Don Moen

You Have Been Good To Me
You have been good to me
You have been good to me
You have been gracious
You have been faithful
Meeting my needs

Lord it’s so plain to see
You have been good to me
I have been given so much I can’t even begin to thank you
And still I believe there is more, I believe there is more, I believe

So I open my hands to receive
All that Your love has in store
Lord I believe

Everything I have done
All that I have said and sung
Lifting Your story
Giving You Glory
That’s just the beginning

Father I know there is more
Power to heal and restore
Miracles wonders
Blessings unnumbered
Love never ending

Exceedingly abundantly
More than our minds can imagine
Love overflowing
You are bestowing
Day after day after day
Lord I believe (3x)

You tube movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SvPA1dj0GI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

God will complete it and God loves

2011-05-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

Philippians 1:6

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Ps Bernard taught us last night to use the bible to pray and i tried it this morning and felt Philippians was such a good place to start.

I prayed "Father, I thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. I thank You that You who have begun a good work in me, You who have granted me healing, will complete what You have started in my life. Lord, on the cross, you said "It is finished". So, i too declare that it is finished. Father, You have already begun to turn my situation around. I know you are going to heal my body completely. Today, I put my trust and full confidence in You knowing You are working behind the scenes to bring this victory to me! In Jesus' name. Amen!

Another verse that caught my eye was:

Philippians 1:9
"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment,"

God has been really good to me the last week despite the fever, cough and muscle cramps in the thigh. He gave me two opportunities to lay hands and pray for the sick and another opportunity to invite the sick to a healing session. The best part was as I was doing His work, He blessed me with a special visit from KT Ong and Agnes from church. That same day, I was also blessed some Sabah snake plant from LP's garden and yesterday, some lovely hill rice and barley from Kuching from C. I was thinking, this is how heaven will be like. God is already preparing us now to love one another and though sometimes we fight and don't see eye to eye, we must see God's bigger picture. He is actually preparing for us in heaven to be united in love. That is why we love because God is love and heaven is filled with love. We will forever be rejoicing in God and loving one another with no pain, no sickness, so sadness, no tears. We will be feasting and cooking for each other and helping one another and all nations will come together worshipping the Lord! How lovely heaven is going to be!

Father God, thank you for teaching us now and giving us a glimpse of heaven! Lord, teach me to love others more and more. Teach me to love like the way You do. Let me grow in real knowledge of You more and more daily of how and why You first loved us. Show me Your word daily, feed me that my faith will increase more and more. Holy spirit, guide me, anoint me afresh that I may walk in your power. Help me walk daily in faith and power as Your holy spirit leads me to love others more and more. In Jesus' name Amen!

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-07T19:05:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother's Day

Proverbs 31:29-30
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

I heard that the little children will be presenting something on stage this morning in church but little Ethan is already telling me he is too shy. I have been trying to encourage him to go and so I tried again this morning. "Nooooooo!" was his reply. So I said, "I give you supernatural power from God, I give you boldness, I give you helmet, I give you knight, I give you sword, I give you armor, I give you fire!" Then, Ethan replied "Okay lah". Ha ha ha. Well, we will see later this morning. That is what I call importation of boldness from the Lord! :)

A very happy mother's day to all mothers out there and especially to Sook Yian, my sister in law who just delivered baby Elesha on 6 May 2011. Little Elesha has abundant hair and pretty lips! Happy Mother's Day to my dear mummy who sacrificed so much of her time to look after me during this difficult time and to my mother in law who happily looks after Nic and Ethan during the week days.

Oooo, just got a kiss from little Ethan! Thank you Lord for family! :)

The church is earnestly praying for me

2011-05-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

The church is earnestly praying for me

A few mornings ago, after praying in tongues, I asked God for a word from the bible. I flipped open the bible and it fell on Acts 12:5 and as I put myself in Peter's shoes, I realized that God was trying to tell me something!

Acts 12:5
"So Peter (Liz) was kept in prison, but prayer was being made earnestly to God for him (her) by the church"

Yes, it is true, my church, the body of Christ in many parts of the world has been earnestly praying for me and each time I ask for prayers, I see miracles happen. The last was just last week when the cough calmed down and the fever disappeared shortly after i asked for prayers. It was also the same week that Brother Leong Poh Lye came to town and laid hands on me to pray for me as well.

I read on and it talked about how Peter was freed from chains, how an angel helped him escape from the first guard and then the second guard and all throughout, he did not actually believe it was happening. Sometimes, that happens to me to. I have a tad of spirit of unbelief in me and I know that is what is holding me back from receiving more from God. Remember the man in the bible who said to Jesus "Lord, i believe, help my unbelief". Somedays I cry out to God like that and Acts 12:11 told me not to doubt God anymore. I sense God say to me "Doubt no more Liz, doubt no more".

The angel has led me through the trials and have brought me to the iron gate that leads to the city, where victory is! Last Wednesday, Elaine gave me another word from God "The thief is destroyed. Victory is yours. Just believe, believe".

Even Peter confessed in Acts 12:11:
"Then Peter came to himself and said "Now I know for certain that the Lord has sent me His angel and rescued me...."

How awesome is God! I knew this was God's rhema for me but I was unsure to write about it until last night during bible study (Session 6 of "Praying in Power" by John Ortberg), Henry whipped out this verse again and I was so surprised! God had just only spoken to me and He is speaking again to me so I shared with my group last night what God said to me. We have such a loving God who never letsus go. Even when we aren't sure, He comes again and speaks to us! I will never doubt You ever again Lord!

God's kingdom ALWAYS WINS over darkness!

Catherine Middleton's wedding dress

2011-04-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

It is an ivory gown with laced sleeves, designed by Sarah Burton. I wish her train was longer. They have gone straight to the vows quite fast. Oops Prince William had a bit of difficulty putting on her ring! It is a tradition for the men in the royal family not to wear rings. And there it is, after all the waiting, they are finally married! :)

Happy Wedding Day to Kate and William

2011-04-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

Goring hotel

Ah, I am so excited about the wedding..just anticipating the wedding and watching the coverage on TV. It gets me rather curious for example they say Kate Middleton will be leaving Goring Hotel at 10.51 am and that got me curious what the hotel rooms looked like! I am also curious what she is going to wear! The fantastic part is I am watching the coverage on high definition. Cool! Can't wait! Can't wait! Such a joyous moment, such a happy moment, what a celebration.

Warmth on my Back

2011-04-27T19:53:00.001-07:00

Warmth on my back

Mark 16:15-18
15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

On Tuesday, during bible class, I was coughing continuously at one point and Elaine who was seated next to me laid her hand on my back. Immediately, I felt warmth on my back and i stopped coughing. Praise the Lord!

After class, Elaine shared she felt burdened to pray for me so she laid her hand on me and prayed in tongues under her breath. She said she felt power go through her hands and she felt warmth. My eyes lighted up as I shared so did I! We were both jumping with joy at how awesome God is as we both witnessed His power at work. All glory to God! Thanks Elaine for obeying the Holy spirit there and then, to lay hands on me to heal the sick.

It was also for this reason that when I had more cough and fever yesterday,I knew it was spiritual attack. I know that if I keep declaring my healing and not let the devil discourage me, God will pull me through but the pain and weakness is real. God is good. He never lets us go through more than we can handle :) My mum is also under attack. It started on Sunday. She gets these back aches that comes and goes and last night, it even travelled down her hands. Please pray for her. Amazingly, despite the aches and the heavy down pour yesterday, she came to my house just when I was starting to have fever. So, we're now praying for each other!

Update - Good Morning! :)

2011-04-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

Praise God for new mercies this morning. Woke up this morning and felt much stronger. No more fever! Praise the Lord! No phlegm of any sort that shows infection either. Praise the Lord! Coughing occasionally. Got up to tidy the house and that is a good sign that i have gotten my battery back but after awhile I had to sit and rest so am updating you now. Thank you so much friends. Indeed we serve a loving God, a prayer answering God!

I claim God's promises that He is restoring me to health and healing all my wounds and by Jesus' stripes, I am healed! :)

Update

2011-04-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

Please pray for me. I have symptoms of fever, body weak, like flu coming on. I think I must have got it from Nic whose throat was very inflamed this morning. I just popped two panadols and resting lots. Thanks so much for praying for me this morning when coughing was more. At least, I have calmed down ie not conitnuous coughing. Praise God! Pray that the medicine will work wnd that I will have a good rest tonight. I rebuke this cough, fever in Jesus' name. Holy spirit, come fill me with your resurrection power. I claim your promises that by Jesus' stripes, I am healed and made whole. Amen!

Bone Scan vs 3 Suns

2011-04-27T00:04:00.000-07:00

Bone scan vs 3 Suns

2 Corinthians 10:5
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

The morning after Good Friday, Ethan woke up and said "Mummy, I dreamt of Ben and Ivan and kor kor and mummy and papa". I said "Oooo, you must have dreamt of a lovely time just like the one you had in church last night during Good Friday!" The boys were having a good time together down at the creche during the Good Friday service. Ethan asked "What did you dream mummy?"

I said "I had a scary dream but mummy just cast it out in Jesus' name. I reject it in Jesus' name!". I did not elaborate the dream to Ethan. In the dream, my waist had gone down to 12 inches (fear of losing weight) and May Fong felt my pelvic bone and it was hot ( fear of cancer spreading to bone). She said I needed a bone scan immediately and arrangements had to be made for me to go to hospital. Poor Ethan who was with me had to be looked after by someone else while I went to the hospital. I was so sad. Then, i woke up and thought about it and rejected the dream.

I told Henry about the dream. The following night, Henry dreamt we were away on a nice holiday at a bay. We were looking for "Bak Kut Teh" at night as we strolled along the bay. We sat down and he started praying for my healing with his eyes closed. He said he saw a white flower and I told him "Open your eyes, open your eyes to see the vision!". He did and he saw 3 suns in the sky. Immediately, he sensed the Trinity (God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit). it was God's assurance for my healing.

I felt it was such a contrast to my dream. What would you choose to believe? God's many promises in the bible for your healing or give over to your fears and let the devil play with your mind.

I choose to simply believe God's words and cast down all imaginations that goes against God's words for me. I claim His rhema for me yet again of Isaiah 7 that the cancer, the cough will not rise up against me, it will not take place, it will not happen. I need only stand firm in my faith and it will be established.

Ironically, when Henry and I was asked to read scripture from 1 Corinthians 15 during the Easter service, the line that touched me most was taken from:

1 Corinthians 15:58
58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you.

The word "established" in Isaiah 7 means to stand firm. Let nothing move you. Yesterday, Ps Vernon, during bible class, asked a man to stand next to him and not move. Ps Vernon pushed him, but he did not move. He leaned his entire weight on the man, but the man did not move. He was established in his faith in God.

I feel I have gone to another spiritual level. God has taught me something since Friday night even though I had known quite some time. He has given me a certain boldness. Faith is now. Hope is for the future. Place your faith in God now and He will answer the prayer He wanted us to pray. Breakthrough is more than healing, it is being separated for Him to do His work which He has prepared for us since the beginning. I am beginning to sense the reality of God's love for me even more now and Henry's dream was yet another confirmation of God's love for me and my family. Praise the Lord!

Kok Him visits

2011-04-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 10:25
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

all boys! - Bradley, Bayden, Ethan and Nicholas

We were so happy to meet Kok Him and Margaret again after so many years...and he has not changed at all! Thank you for bringing good cheer. :)

Oh, the good ole days of CCF (college and career fellowship). The first bible study group I joined had only 6 people led by Seng Guan and Karen. Kok Him, Alvin, Jackie and myself were the other 4. I remember we were encouraged to organize activities within our own groups so that we could bond better. I recall we had so many fun activities together. Kok Him taught the girls how to ride on his racer bike. We hung out at Karen's house watching badminton, popiah party, even a trip to Tioman! Kok Him and I took guitar lessons together. I wonder if he still remembers how to play. I forgot to ask him! Then, Henry and I started dating and once, he and CY even joined our cycle day out at the Shah Alam park. I remember the boys flaunting their calf muscles as they rode up the hill. I was quite amazed at their stamina! We were such a happening group. In the end, we held activities for everyone to join so that CCF could bond together. So, it was really good to catch up with Kok Him after all these years. He has been in Australia for the past 5 1/2 years. Their visit last night brought back many happy memories. I am really glad that CCF is making a come back to church soon in the form of YAM (youth adult ministry) since we benefitted so much from it, spiritually and love for each other in Christ.

O Kaduk Kaduk!

2011-04-21T03:01:00.001-07:00

O Kaduk Kaduk!

It is daun kaduk (piper sarmentosum ) day for me today. My mum says it is good to relieve cough.

She made the nasi ulam from only basil, mint, kaduk finely sliced and tossed in 10 grain rice and with a bit of salt. Other leaves that can be used are bunga kantan, cekor, shallots, tumeric leaves (kunyit ) and limau perut.

I looked up the benefits and initially it just said it was good for keeping you looking young, deworming, washing your private parts especially during menstruation. Hello? Where is the relieve for cough? After researching further it does confirm a remedy for cough, constipation and even malaria!

If Nasi ulam wasn't enough, I was given a bowl of hot soup with lots of daun kaduk in it later in the afterenoon. Oh man! The leaves weren't blanched enough and so it was chewy but it was alright. I feel like a guinea pig. One website says to grind the leaves, add some water and apply it on the neck to relieve the cough. Mummy! You're using it the wrong way!

More benefits of daunkadok can be found on this malay website.
http://petuasejagat.blogspot.com/2010/02/7-khasiat-daun-kaduk-untuk-anda.html

The real Nasi ulam of course has roasted desiccated coconut and salted fish. You can try this recipe from this website:
http://madamkwong.com/?p=723

Passover Lamb of God

2011-04-20T22:49:00.001-07:00

Passover Lamb of God

Exodus 12:14
“This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD—a lasting ordinance.

I was just thinking Lord, how because you commanded, Lord, therefore the Jews till today celebrate the Passover to remember how You brought them out of the slavery from Egypt into freedom. For the past 3,500 years the Jews have been celebrating this and the memory of the Passover passed down from generation to generation.

Isn't this beautiful? This to me is reasonable evidence that the Passover did happen, that You are real ( for those who question your existence), the parting of the red sea did happen and You saved Your people. How can we call holocaust fake when they have pictures and every year the families remember what their forefathers went through...especially the first generation what happened to their parents and this memory was brought down generation to generation. So the same with the Passover. It was passed down from one generation to another. How can people say it is all a lie?

In Egypt - An unblemished lamb for EACH HOUSEHOLD. As its blood was put on the sides and top of doorpost, so Your wrath was upon every firstborn of every animal and people in Egypt but because of the blood, You passed over them and no destruction came upon them.

In the promised land - An unblemished lamb sacrificed by the high priest for the WHOLE NATION of Israel at the tabernacle.

Today, we have Jesus as the unblemished lamb sacrificed on the cross for the sins of THE WORLD once and for all so we need not do sacrifices anymore to set us free from the bondage of sin. By Jesus' blood, we are the righteousness of God. With the power of Holy Spirit, we overcome sin becoming more and more like Jesus.

Thank you Jesus for being the passover lamb for us. Thank you for commanding us to always remember this day. Because you commanded, we can now remember exactly what you did many many years ago, how you first brought us out of darkness. And you kept bringing us out of darkness but we kept rejecting you. Yet, you still loved us and gave us Jesus and His sacrifice, once and for all so that we need not use the blood of goats and bulls anymore to atone for our sins. Thank you for making a way back to You once and for all. I believe, I receive your salvation. Thank you that it is a free gift just as you said in Isaiah 55:1-3

1 “Come, all you who are thirsty,
   come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
   come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
   without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
   and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
   and you will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
   listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
   my faithful love promised to David.

Thank you for your progressive revelation. You had made known to us manynmany years ago through the prophets that You were going to send Your arm to us, Jesus Christ - the Anointed One, the Ruler to save us. Thank you because of your sacrifice, everything is now alright between You and I. Lead me o Lord by your spirit daily to live for You. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Update - Bible class/ Satan fall like lightning

2011-04-18T12:38:00.001-07:00

I was rushing to get my application through or the bible class (Bachelor of Ministry) with Lifeline international last Saturday. The last date for registration was 17 April 2011 and classes start on 25 April 2011.

I had to fill a 6 page form. Of all times, this application has to be completed when my family is down with one car so Henry had to help me get to a photo shop as well as to photocopy some documents.

Then I had to deliver the form to the RLC church office and pay the registration fee. I prayed "Oh Lord, let it all be smooth. After all, I do sense this is what You want me to do so let this be a sign from you that it is so." and it really was! I managed to get my car back just in the nic of time to use it. No traffic jam. The lady was present at the office. I told her about the sickness because the application form wanted to know whether I had any sickness. She said there are others like me who also signed up and they come to be strengthened. I smiled. It is only next week that they will start considering the application when they interview us.

Last week, at Elpizo, Sheri Lim asked us to stop using the word "still" eg I should not say "I am still coughing" because I am setting myself into thinking that it is still there and it would not go away. It made so much sense to me when she said that. Since then, not only do I not mention "still", I rebuke the cough and the spirit of affliction causing it. It has no power, no dominance over me.

So, I am pleased the cough is dying off in Jesus' name! A few nights later, I was coughing in the middle of the night and Henry's sleep was disturbed so he ended up quietly praying for me. I broke the silence and asked if he was awake and he said "I have a deep impression of Satan falling down like lightning". I said "Huh? Is that good or bad?" because I was thinking of a third of the angels falling from heaven onto earth and that wasn't very good.

He said "It is goodlah". He jumped out of bed and googled immediately. Here is what Henry found:

Luke 10:18-19

He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; NOTHING will harm you.

Praise the Lord! I sense the victory over the cancer, the cough. It has no power, no dominance over me! Henry said in his vision, he saw the lightning and there was no lightning around our area that night. God used Henry to encourage me. Praise the Lord!

Palm Sunday - Triumphant Entry

2011-04-18T02:28:00.000-07:00

Palm Sunday - Triumphant Entry

We finished Isaiah class last week led by Leong Tien Fook. Next year, same time, LTF will lead another class on Old Testament for those with zero knowledge. That will put in somewhat in that category.

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. Last week's Isaiah class gave me a new meaning to Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem also called Palm Sunday. I want to share with you some calculations that predicted the coming of Jesus. In fact, during the time of Jesus, many Jews knew of the prophecy of Daniel and expected a Messiah to come but of course, they expected a grand King instead that will rescue them from the clutches of the Roman Empire.

Here is the prophecy from Daniel concerning the coming of the Messiah:

Daniel 9:25-26
25 “Know and understand this: From the time the word goes out to restore and rebuild Jerusalem until the Anointed One, the ruler, comes, there will be seven ‘sevens,’ and sixty-two ‘sevens.’ It will be rebuilt with streets and a trench, but in times of trouble. 26 After the sixty-two ‘sevens,’ the Anointed One will be put to death and will have nothing. The people of the ruler who will come will destroy the city and the sanctuary. The end will come like a flood: War will continue until the end, and desolations have been decreed.

The "seven" here denotes week of years.
Therefore 1 week = 7 years

From the time the word goes out to restore and rebuild Jerusalem, there will be 7 weeks and 62 week (7 + 62 = 69 weeks) until the Anointed One, the ruler (Jesus) comes.

69 weeks x 7 years = 483 years

The start time of when the word went forth to restore and rebuild Jerusalem can be found in the decree from Artaxerxes to Ezra in 457 BC (see Ezra 7:11-16 and Ezra 9:9).

457 BC + 483 years = 26 AD

Since there is no such thing as "0" year, you need to add "1"

26 AD + 1 year = 27 AD which is the exact year of the beginning of Jesus' ministry when he was anointed by the Holy Spirit.

There are also other possible calculations. So, I asked LTF how would we know we are not just trying to fit in a date. He said whatever, the calculations, it all points to around the time that Jesus came. It is pulling in all the information eg the fact that only Jesus' death and resurrection ties in to the minutest details of Isaiah 53. Also, it was also prophesied Jesus would come "... See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey" (Zechariah 9:9). He would be born as a child and be called Mighty God (Isaiah 9:6,7) etc.

Even in Isaiah's time (700 years before Jesus came), God talked about the former things and new things.

The former things refer to the Jews' exile to Babylon and Isaiah also prophesied they would return back to Jerusalem after 70 years (Cyrus' time). All these former things were foretold 160 years before the actual fulfillment.

Isaiah 48

1 “Listen to this, you descendants of Jacob,
   you who are called by the name of Israel
   and come from the line of Judah, .....
3 I foretold the former things long ago,
   my mouth announced them and I made them known;
   then suddenly I acted, and they came to pass.
4 For I knew how stubborn you were;
   your neck muscles were iron,
   your forehead was bronze.
5 Therefore I told you these things long ago;
   before they happened I announced them to you
so that you could not say,
   ‘My images brought them about;
   my wooden image and metal god ordained them.’
6 You have heard these things; look at them all.
   Will you not admit them?

God called the Jews treacherous yet He loved them so and even told them of new things to come, to give them another chance.

Isaiah 6 cont'd

   “From now on I will tell you of new things,
   of hidden things unknown to you.
7 They are created now, and not long ago;
   you have not heard of them before today.
So you cannot say,
   ‘Yes, I knew of them.’
8 You have neither heard nor understood;
   from of old your ears have not been open.
Well do I know how treacherous you are;
   you were called a rebel from birth.
9 For my own name’s sake I delay my wrath;
   for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you,
   so as not to destroy you completely.

The new things were the atonement by Jesus. When Jesus was riding on the donkey into Jerusalem, some recognised the Messiah (who praised Him "Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord" Matthew 21:9 and waved palms at Jesus) but majority of the Jews didn't and Jesus wept. They should have because of the prophesies but they chose to reject Jesus.

Luke 19:42-44

42 and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43 The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”

The Jews did not recognize the time of God's coming to them through Jesus. They should have. It marked God's triumphant entry, the Messiah had arrived! If only they did, God's kingdom would come immediately upon them and they would be delivered. Instead, now we see the struggle in Israel but God is patient.

We know today that Jesus' death and resurrection was the fulfillment of the prophecy of Isaiah 53 to the minutest detail.

A new thing not fulfilled yet - the second coming of Jesus and the new heavens and new earth. Here is another chance for us to believe in Jesus. God is patient.

Today, we are in better position than the Jews to believe in Jesus because we can look back and see the prophesies fulfilled during Isaiah's time and by Jesus in Isaiah 53. Of all people, we should find it the easiest to believe who Jesus is. We are not called to believe blindly. The bible, God's words have revealed who Jesus is.

Healer by Kari Jobe

2011-04-12T05:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks Fee for the tip for this song by Kari Jobe. Love it!

Do click on the video blog on your right to hear her sing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvIEJ_PmqJ8&feature=youtube_gdata_player
You tube movie

Praying the prayer we ought to pray

2011-04-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

1 Samuel 1:1-18

When Leong Tien Fook preached in our church recently, I cried. I am not sure why I cried. I think I was touched by the holy spirit. I remembering telling myself, I am amazed God has brought me so far. He made me learn so much in such a short time. I felt His love and compassion for me, guiding me all the way. The sermon touched on Hannah from 1 Samuel 1:1-18. The take home point was that God puts us in situations to pray the prayer we ought to pray, prayers that He is waiting to answer.

Hannah was provoked year after year by her rival as she could not conceive for the Lord had closed her womb (verse 5). The prayer she prayed was this "LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

God answered her prayers and her son was named Samuel. Samuel turned out to be last and best judge of Israel.

I also did a "Hannah" many years ago. I dedicated Nic to God in my quiet time because he was our miracle baby. After a miscarriage and an unsuccessful IVF, we just surrendered it all to God and then, He gave us Nicholas. What men cannot do, God can! It was divine intervention. So, we named our son Nicholas - Victory for the People. I just know God will use him to reach out to his peers around him and he will lead his friends to Christ and bring victory to their lives. I know in my heart he would go on missions and with Ethan too who will help him make decisions as his name means "Firm and strong". I just never thought we as parents would be on missions as well.

Last October, I discovered God's will for my life, to serve God as a missions family, to share my testimony of His healing for me and to teach bible class with passion. It was over a period of two weeks when I prayed about His specific will for me, He spoke through deep impression (I wrote down what I felt His will for me was) and this was confirmed by Ps Shirley Cash from Deeper Life Seminar and through an intercessor, Mrs Gong, who gave a sermon at Elpizo. After the sermon, out of everyone in there, Mrs Gong singled me out to be laid hands upon for the anointing and of course, I was crying so much. I could not believe out of all times, a guest speaker spoke about reaching God's potential in our lives and overcoming obstacles. My obstacle was fear which she also talked about. It was like God talking to me directly.

I think that is what made me cry. Just reflecting on all we had gone through.

I know we can't have missions family without Henry and I always pray that God will give him a personal experience with Him that he might see His will for us as a family. After LTF's sermon, Henry now prays the prayer we ought to pray i e to serve God as a missions family to testify of His goodness for us! That itself is a momentous step! I am so in awe of what God is doing in our lives.

I don't know what will happen from now on but it helps to know God's specific will, so very soon, I will be enrolling in a bible class (over 2 years) organized by Lifeline International Bible Training Centre. The class will help discover our gifts and callings and will equip us to do whatever God has called us to do. It also has limited exposure to theology. It is like Deeper Life Seminar but with mission trips and special activities as well. Oh dear, it sounds overwhelming but I know God will lead me through. I am just praying I will be bold as a lion after this for Him.

Let the little children come to me

2011-04-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

Let the little children come to me

I remember Shelly's words about waking up "very early in the morning while it is still dark outside" (Mark 1:35) during the talk "Woman of Grace" last Saturday. She said from her experience in the middle eastern countries that would be around 4.30 to 5 am. I woke up at 5 am this morning more because I started to cough suddenly and I thought since I am awake, I will go downstairs for quiet time with God.

After praising in songs, giving thanks, I started praying in tongues and it was during this time, I suddenly had a vision of myself as a little girl dancing in a dress with full skirt. I was holding hands with Jesus and we did like a little fox trot and my skirt was swinging with the movements. Then He hugged me. I was then on my knees and He lay His hand on my head and that was when I started to cry while still praying in tongues. I started to thank Jesus.

I asked Him for a bible verse to study on and I suddenly remembered Nic's Sunday school verse yesterday of Mark 10:14

"Let the little children come to me"

I looked it up in the bible to read further in context.

Mark 10:13-16
" 13 One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him.
14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 15 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” 16 Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them."

I was thinking in my heart "Yay! I have the kingdom of God". As I read on to verse 16, I was amazed how similar my vision was that he hugged me and laid His hand on me! He wanted to show me this verse that I am deeply loved and as long as I keep coming to him receiving the Kingdom of God like a child, I will just enjoy His presence and He will show me great and mighty things, yes even healing. :)

I just want to thank Jesus for His wonderful love to me and a great time I had with Him this early morning! I know it is more important for His spirit to lead me then to use intelligence to find out who is right or wrong. I have been discussing with Leong Tien Fook about Joseph Prince over the topic of repentance. While he does seem right that Joseph Prince does not teach about repentance, I sense JP touches more than repentance. If someone is touched by God by the power of the holy spirit, He will be so in awe of God that He will come to know God. So, I am not sure "the steps" of what comes first or whether it is active or passive but I really believe the holy spirit will guide the person to receive Jesus. That person just receives when touched!

I am reading this book called "When Heaven Invades Earth" by Bill Johnson who said

"Repentance means much more than weeping over sin, or even turning from those sins to follow God. In fact turning from sin to God is more the result of true repentance than it is the actual act. Repentance means you change your way of thinking. And it's only in changing the way you think that we can discover the focus of Jesus' ministry - the Kingdom.

So, maybe this is a better explanation because unlike Joseph Prince, he did not omit repentance though both BJ and JP explains repentance as "changing your way of thinking". LTF says it is not changing over the nature of our heart but about we on our part changing how we think and feel about sin.

JP talks about changing our mind of thinking and believing how good God is.

BJ shared this experience in his book on page 69:

"One student named Jason was ordering a meal inside a fast food restaurant. Not content to share Christ only with those behind the counter, he began to speak past the cashier to three men in a car at the drive up window! After receiving his food, Jason left noticing that they had parked to eat. He renewed his conversation with them and saw that the man in the back seat had a broken leg. So he climbed into the car with them and invited the holy spirit to come..and He came. The man began to curse. He had no understanding about the holy fire on his leg. They all jumped out of the car, and the injured man removed his brace and stomped his leg. He was completely healed! The three were so moved by God's goodness that they opened the trunk of their car, which was filled with illegal drugs. They dumped the narcotics onto the pavement, dancing on them and destroying them! Jason brought the three men tot he Alabaster House, our 24 hour prayer house, and led them to Christ. The kindness of God led them to repentance...The holy spirit is the agent of heaven who makes these encounters possible."

It is this awesome goodness of God that lets us encounter the love of God, that makes us want to turn to Him, know Him more and find out more about Him. It naturally makes us want to leave our old ways behind. Where is the orthodox repentance, confession of sin in this scenario? That is the part I do not understand but God told me this morning not to get stressed over this issue and just enjoy His presence, His love - dancing with Him. Just receive the Kingdom of God like a child. He will guide me by His spirit.

Yesterday's sermon (2 Corinthians 3:1-3) got me thinking that it is good to think about whether we are good witnesses for Christ, whether we are like letters from Christ, written by the Spirit in our hearts. But sermons like these put guilt in our hearts if we have forgotten the love of God, how big He is, how awesome He is. Without His love, we would feel guilty and think "I am sorry God..then I must...". Then, our next step would be from our effort and not by the Spirit. But with the love of God, we say "thank you Father God that you loved me first. I want to be that light for you. I want to obey you" and really obey Him the next time God makes something work around you by the Holy spirit.. ie move as He moves!

Psalm 34 song

2011-04-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

Psalm 34

I was reading Psalm 34 this morning when suddenly a familiar tune popped into my mind "let us exalt his name together, forever, I sought the Lord and he heard me and delivered me from my fears". I read on and and noticed that the song follows closely to the psalm! It is a great way to memorize words from the bible, to keep His words in our hearts.

Let Us Exalt His Name (lyrics)

At all times 1 will bless Him
His praise will be in my mouth
My soul makes its boast in the Lord
The humble man will hear of Him
The afflicted will be glad
And join with me to magnify the Lord

Let us exalt His name together, forever
I sought the Lord, He heard me
And delivered me from my fears.
Let us exalt His name together, forever
0 sing His praises magnify the Lord

The angel of the Lord encamps
Round those who fear His name
To save them and deliver them from harm
Though lions roar with hunger
We lack for no good thing
No wonder then we praise Him with our song

Come children now and hear Him
If you would see long life
Just keep your mouth from wickedness and lies
Do good and turn from evil
Seek peace instead of strife
Love righteousness and God will hear your cry

You tube movie by a man playing this song on acoustic guitar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkxotaO76yg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

******

Psalm 34
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
2 I will glory in the LORD;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
   their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
   he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
   and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
   I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
   and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from telling lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it.

Update - feeling better

2011-04-06T03:43:00.000-07:00

Last night i had a difficult time sleeping. The right side of my head was aching so i used "guasa" to scrape my head. I think it was a bad idea to do it just before bed time because i felt my head throbbing and i could not sleep! I was terribly alert.

I did a few things this morning.

- managed to drag myself out of bed and out of the house to exercise. Yay!
- played praise music throughout morning
- locked myself in the room and cried out to God "Do not delay, come and save me o Lord!"
- napped with praise music on

I had a quick shower and then by mid morning, the pain left me. I had a stiff right shoulder too but it is all gone now.

Praise the Lord! Thanks so much for praying for me. What would I do without my friends. I really treasure you all. :)

It is so true when the bible says "There are new mercies every morning". Even though things may have been bad the past week or the past year or the past two years etc but because of His word, we can expect new mercies, new healing every morning, no matter how discouraging the circumstances. Thank you Jesus! :)

You Owe, I Pay

2011-04-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

You owe, I pay

Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death,.."

I learn something new everyday. I discovered that because of Romans 6:23 "for the wages of sin is death", God HAD TO DIE if He chose to forgive us. Father God did choose to forgive us. As the offended party, He had to bear the cost of forgiving us. He had to bear the consequence of sin ie death.

God had to die BUT God cannot die! So, Father God sent Jesus whom he loved so much into the world to become man to die for our sins. That's why Jesus had to die for us for the forgiveness of our sins. I earlier thought He just must but since we cannot understand why, God had to slowly introduce to us the law, the tabernacle and the sacrificial system.

So, I asked this question to Leong Tien Fook who is currently teaching us on Isaiah. "Why is the consequences of sin death?"

"..because God is holy and cannot coexist with anything sinful. For human beings, not to exist anymore means physical death and then eternal death. This is reflected in God driving Adam and Eve out of Eden after they sinned. They could not coexist with God in the Garden anymore. And they would die because they no longer had access to the tree of life.

But since God is everywhere in the universe, ultimately sinful people cannot exist in this universe at all. So in the new universe, called the new heavens and the new earth in the Bible, nothing unholy or sinful will exist. Meantime because of His mercy and grace He is allowing history to go on in the present universe because there are still people who would repent and believe in Him."

Imagine you sued someone who cheated you money. Later, you decide to forgive him and withdraw the suit but as a result, you have to bear the loss of the cheated sum. That is the concept of "You owe, I pay".

We sinned but God chose to forgive us AND pay for our sins. I pray you will experience the love of God all over again.

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"

Update

2011-04-04T23:35:00.000-07:00

I think I over exerted myself last week with Pilate and qi gong. It wasn't even a full work out and I was taking it really slowly dancing to praise music. I suppose with so many arm rotations and hand lifting, it has caused me some discomforts in the chest area, near the arms. Saturday was quite a hectic day for me as Nic and Ethan attended their first swimming class. They really enjoyed themselves. I was worried that the pool would be too deep for Ethan but as soon as he got in and he found that the water level was near his shoulder level, he was so happy, confident and ready to learn! Then, it was off to boys brigade for Nic with Ethan tagging along. It was "Qing Ming" time for Henry so it was my turn to run around.

By Sunday, I just wanted to rest. Nic had no school on Monday because "Qing Ming" day is officially on 5 April in his school. It was lovely to have Nic with me the whole day. I realized his maths has gotten quite good and Chinese school must be credited for that! Only last year (Std 1), he would still say 16 comes after 14! He has had that problem ever since he began counting. Now, with some flashing of fingers and some deep thought, he can give an answer to double digit additions without any calculation on paper! Amazing!

While I watched him play the piano, I decided to try my hand at the guitar again. I can't move the chords fast enough but I managed to play and sing some praise songs. I ended up sweating! Must be all the endorphins flowing!

Oh, now I am so exhausted, I just slept most of the morning today. Please pray for the cough to go away and for all the aches and pain including the mild ache on the right side of my head, to go away. Actually, I was quite discouraged on Sunday and then I pulled myself together and shouted aloud "Thank you Lord for healing me!". Henry gave a big smile. We were in the car and further away, Henry said to look at the sky because there was an "E" in the sky. I looked up and yes, it was a capital "E" at an angle and the sun was setting and the letter "E" of the clouds caught the red and yellow lights from the sun. It was really beautiful and there again, God has spoken to me to encourage me on again! He never fails to do that and I was so touched. Thank you Jesus! Thank you for always being with me.

More Curly Hair!

2011-04-04T23:33:00.001-07:00

More Curly Hair!

When the hair stylist saw my hair last week, he asked "What happened?". My hair has gotten curlier since my last hair cut despite me not taking Tarceva since mid January this year.

I told him (another stylist) it is a gift from God. I had perfectly straight hair before. Interestingly, the curls aren't too tight in front and my mum says I look like I have lady Di's fringe.

The hair stylist told me he had to work with my curls to come up with my latest hairstyle. He said many would have to pay to get this permed look. So far, all who have commented on my hair think I have permed my hair. Apparently many who take chemo have their hair texture changed but none as curly like this. It is not coarse, just curly.

My mum took a picture of the back of my head where it is the curliest. She says she has to take a snap of it as proof else no one would believe her! Nic always liked me in longer hair so he wasn't too happy with this new look which he calls a broccoli! I love his comments. They're so innocent and yes, that is a very fair observation!

Thank you Jesus for curly hair. I love it. :)

The real qi

2011-03-29T01:15:00.001-07:00

The real Qi

Read that dao is the void brightening that made the universe that formed qi. The clear qi made the heavens and the heavy qi made the earth. But all this was added on later by neo Confucians. The real meaning of qi I believe can be gathered from the original Chinese writings of qi.

The traditional form qi 氣 is “steam (气) rising from rice (米) as it cooks”. The earliest way of writing qi consisted of three wavy lines, used to represent one's breath seen on a cold day.

Qi is frequently translated as "energy flow" or vitalism. The literal translation of "qi" is air, breath, or gas.

It is written in Genesis 1:1-2 (written > 1450 BC) way before Bhuddism (460 BC) / Confucianism (500-600BC) /Chinese writing of Qi (1122 - 221 BC)

" 1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

The maker of the heavens and earth is God and the holy spirit was already present then, hovering over the waters (this is the real qi that we should acknowledge).

It is the son of God, Jesus, who was given the authority to create all things and He existed before all things.

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word (Jesus) and the Word (Jesus) was with God and the Word ( Jesus) was with God.

Colossians 1:16
For by Him all things were created, things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible.

Do be careful when you listen to the qiqong master. He would say to breathe in qi but this qi does not acknowledge God. Qiqong teaches that you can garner qi yourself for healing, so then there is no room for God.

My aunt says not to over analyze things because ultimately I just need to learn the steps for exercise purpose. And so I did today. I switched on the cd and heard the explanation for the "shoulder roll" and "butterfly step" which are some loosening techniques.

I believe there will be an erosion of faith over time especially if you are too busy for quiet time for God but you have time for qiqong. The exercises were good. I took in the steps, asked the holy spirit for guidance, paused the cd and switched on Christian music and just flowed with it using the qiqong steps. If you are prepared to do this way, then maybe there will be limited erosion of faith.

I read Psalms 103:
"Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases".

It is God and not the qiqong that heals you? The real "qi" in a Christian is the holy spirit that quickens our mortal body and heals us. As our mind is renewed with the word of God ( which is spirit and life John 6:63), it flows into our spirit man and into our bodies for healing. I daily meditate on God's words and imagine God's life, the holy spirit flowing through every pore, every cell, every organ of my body for my healing and I would like to take it a step higher to moving the body as well while meditating on Jesus - like praise dance.

Romans 8:11
"And if the Spirit of Him who raise Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you"

In that way, when healing comes, we give glory back to God and we will still rooted in His word through meditation of His word and NOT emptying out our minds because if we do that, the words of the qiqong master are the only words that you will most likely retain that will take you away from God.

Thank you Holy Spirit for guiding me today with the qiqong exercises and highlighting to me just a fraction of how far both beliefs are. You, O Lord alone are my rock, my Healer and my salvation. Salvation into eternal life and not into nothingness, to a life spent in eternity with You whether we are dead or alive. That is the assurance we have in God through Jesus Christ! Heaven in our heart now and forever!

Joanna Lumley in the Land of the Northern Lights - Part 5

2011-03-28T05:28:00.000-07:00

Unifi is celebrating their first anniversary this year and we can watch for free all the premium channels till the end of April. I caught this show called " Joanna Lumley in the Land of the Northern Lights" on BBC Knowledge. I caught it at just the right moment when she caught a glimpse of the Northern Lights. It was so clear it felt I was there except without the winter wear. It is so beautiful and I started to cry because it is such an awesome sight! I could really relate to her running commentary. I love the lights above the cottage above the mountains. It is like "Christmas" winter paintings in storybooks but only this is real. You cannot deny the Person behind it, the Creator. Although it can be explained away scientifically but the source of it all is still God.

The bible says in Colosians 1:15-17

"15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together"

I found the YouTube movie for the part that she saw the Northern Lights but it is not as clear as the one on TV. Do catch it if you get a chance. It is so so beautiful. I could not help but say out aloud "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus" in between sobs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ8xd6xnZ9U&feature=youtube_gdata_player

PS. Er, I also found out there are no PENGUINS in north pole, only the south pole!

Update - Psalm 92

2011-03-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I could sing! Normally, the first words spoken are the worse in the morning. I will sing and cough, sing and cough. I notice I don't cough so much in church or in bible study during worship. I think it is because so many of us are there praising God together, we are encouraging each other in singing and God inhabits the praises of His people. So, amazingly, my voice is strong and I can praise aloud. So, I praise God this morning because I could sing in understanding and also in the spirit.

Psalm 92:1-2
"It is good to praise the LORD
   and make music to your name, O Most High,
proclaiming your love in the morning..."


Psalm 92:4
"For you make me glad by your deeds, LORD;
   I sing for joy at what your hands have done."

I thanked God for Marvin's sermon yesterday. Only the day before, Nic asked why he still had bad dreams even though Henry prayed for him. Nic said innocently "Is it because Father God was busy?". Father God is never too busy, He never sleeps. We told him it is because he didn't believe in the prayer. He uses prayer like a talisman rather than actually believing in God to deliver him. I understand from the sermon that it is also because we give up too easily. We are too pray boldly, pressing in, foot at the door, manfully, with perseverance. I am not sure whether Nic understood me so I asked him to repeat and he said "to keep praying and not give up".

I believe it is the same when asking God for healing. We are to press on, never giving up because God's promises are true because God cannot lie. We are to persevere manfully and not take it lying down and wait and see whether it is His will to heal ie passive. The bible shows that all who came to Jesus was healed. What Paul faced (the thorn in the flesh in 2 Corinthians 12:7) I believe was not sickness but an affliction by a messenger of Satan to torment him and God allowed it to keep him humble. I say this so that my reading of the bible makes sense else in every part of the bible. Maybe one day I will have a clearer understanding.

Psalm 92:5
How great are your works, LORD,
   how profound your thoughts!"

I also thank God that my cough has reduced since yesterday. Nic noticed I didn't cough in the morning. Although, I did cough later, it is much lesser. I do notice that when I sweat and I get a chill, I start to cough non stop. So, I have to wipe dry, drink some hot water and keep warm.

I had so much energy yesterday, I could host dinner for Helen and her family. I whipped out some Jamie Oliver burgers from his book "jamie's dinners". Little Ethan helped prepare the hors d'œuvre. First, he laid out the Kraft Ritz biscuits on a tray. Then, he placed a teaspoon of tuna mix and arranged crisscross strips of cucumber on top of each biscuit. When our guests came, they did not touch the hors d'œuvre. He noticed it remained untouched after dinner so he said "Why no one eat the biscuits?". We were all so amused at his reaction, we started gulping down his creation and watched him cheer up.

Little Ethan also helped me with the mashed potato because he asked me "Is there any more work for me?" When his brother came back from English class, Ethan told his brother "kor kor, I mashed the potatoes!".

So, I lift my hands today for a wonderful day yesterday and for new healing - the first signs of reduction of cough. Although, we do not need good food for God to heal us because His one spoken word would do, I thank God that He used the low dose naltrexone and the stem tech pills (I am into my 6th bottle) to strengthen my immune system. Thank you so much to all of you for praying for my cough to go away.

Psalm 92:10-11
" You have exalted my horn like that of a wild ox;
   fine oils have been poured on me.
My eyes have seen the defeat of my adversaries;
   my ears have heard the rout of my wicked foes."

Yes, you cancer, you cough, you are defeated adversaries and God has routed you in Jesus' name! To God be the glory!

Psalm 92:8

"..you, LORD, are forever exalted."