How fast time flies. Liz has left us for a year and yet her smile, her vivaciousness, her life still remains. Her blog remains to me an important reminder of God's faithfulness, how He sustained her during her roughest moments and how He gave her strength when she was weakest.

My boys and I miss her deeply though we know she is now in a better place and we will see her again some day. This is a broken world with disease and sadness yet we hope for the day when ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Rev 21:4

For now, we live on with her memories firmly in our hearts and praying for all who may be suffering with cancer or any other critical illness out there in this broken world that they will also find God's comfort and strength the way Liz did.

Eulogy for Liz

My eulogy to Liz:

When Liz was first diagnosed with lung cancer, she saw it as a wake-up call from God to return to Him, and to serve Him with boldness.

Never once did she get angry with God or challenge Him why He had allowed this on her. At times when I angrily questioned God why He did not heal her she would be sad and remind me that all would be done in His time.

While she may not have been physically healed, I know God worked in other tremendous ways in her life.

She was independent and strong all throughout the 2year plus period she fought the disease. She signed up for bible study courses, attended prayer meetings, Elpizo support group meetings and continued tirelessly updating her blog.

On weekends when she could, she would still cook for the kids – all their favourite food and ran a tight ship keeping the house clean from the 3 grubby men in her life.

She still planned our holidays in her own immaculate detailed way.

Through her plight she united a divided church to intercede for her, encouraged our cell group members to stay faithful in their walk and reached out to countless friends and strangers, believers and non-believers, through her blog. She even made new friends with fellow cancer-sufferers through her blog and met them and encouraged them.

In the last few months of her journey, we have been so blessed by the love of our church, our family and friends and even complete strangers who were moved by her plight to raise funds for new treatment.

In our home, a steady stream of friends and family visiting, praying and singing praises with her, uplifted her spirits and brought back joy to our household. Even friends staying the night with her to care for her, relieving us to rest, and cooking for our kids showed that God was providing for us.

I don’t want to remember my lovely Liz as the bed-ridden, emaciated cancer sufferer. I want to remember her as the bravest woman I know, whom I had the joy of sharing my life with in more than 11 years of marriage and whose memory will continue to live on in her life’s work, her children and her blog.

While we will all miss her deeply, we will continue to see Liz living on in her 2 boys: Nicholas has all her gentleness, creativity and love for people. Ethan has all her strong will, brilliant hand-eye co-ordination, great dance moves and love for outdoor activities.

In closing, I just want to share this little extract from her blog entry to encourage all of you. These were the words she shared a little while after being diagnosed

Each day He brings new revelation as I draw closer to Him seeking His face. And living in God’s presence is far more beautiful than anything else and has even overshadowed the disease. I say, blessed be the name of the Lord. I see Him not only working in my life but in Henry’s life, my mum’s life and even in my cell group’s lives and I pray that you too will “catch the fire”.

Thank you. Please do catch the fire and renew your faith anew in the Lord.

Liz has gone home to the Lord

Henry: I know Liz has touched many lives in her constant updates and blogs ever since she began her adventure. While we are sad to see her go, we know that at last she no longer has to suffer and has returned to her real home where there will be no more tears and sadness. She left us on Thursday evening Oct 6th, 2011 in the hospital around 7.20pm after being too weak to withstand what was supposed to have been a simple tapping exercise to help her in her breathing.

I have lost my friend, my lover, my confidante in this world but I know that we'll meet again soon. Truly, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

In her last days she was getting a bit incoherent and finding difficulty focusing but she did manage to start one last post which she never finished:

"Feeling unwell

I am now currently  experoieng (sic) sickening. Hamir expected that my voice would be recover soon. Praise the Lord! 

I thank my relatives and friends who visited"

Always faithful to the end. Liz, we love you and miss you and look forward to seeing you again.

Henry, Nic and Ethan

Psalm 91

Thanks to Annette for reminding me of Psalm 91. This is one psalm that I have memorized by heart and was really helpful to me two years ago when I was so filled with fear but 2 Timothy 1:7 says that fear is not from God, so it must be from the devil and that we allow it to be manipulated by the devil.

Saying out Psalm 91, especially in the night and my mind thinks of all sorts of things, teaches me to calm down and brings a lot of assurance to me. Praise the Lord! God brings me peace to my heart. :) at first, it did not do anything for me until I turned the Psalm to me personally as follows:

Psalm 91

 1  When I dwell in the shelter of the Most High 
   I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say  of the LORD, “You are my refuge and my fortress, 
   my God, in whom I trust.”
 3 Surely You will save me from the fowler’s snare 
   and from the deadly pestilence. 
4 You will cover me with Your feathers, 
   and under Your wings I will find refuge; 
   Your faithfulness will be my shield and rampart. 
5 I will not fear the terror of night, 
   nor the arrow that flies by day, 
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, 
   nor the plague that destroys at midday. 
7 A thousand may fall at my side, 
   ten thousand at my right hand, 
   but it will not come near me. 
8 I will only observe with my eyes 
   and see the punishment of the wicked.

 9 If I make the Most High my dwelling— 
   even the LORD, who is my refuge— 
10 then no harm will befall me, 
   no disaster will come near my tent. 
11 For You will command Your angels concerning me
   to guard me in all Your ways
12 they will lift me up in their hands, 
   so that I will not strike my foot against a stone. 
13 I will tread upon the lion and the cobra; 
   I will trample the great lion and the serpent.

 14 “Because you love me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue you; 
"Because  you acknowledges my name, I will protect you".
15 I will call upon You and You will answer me; 
   You will be with me in trouble, 
   You will deliver me and honor me. 
16 With long life will You satisfy me
   and grant me Your salvation.”


God's words are true and He really has shown me the many many times He has rescues me, the many many times He loves me, even through my family and friends. :) His angels come and encamp around about me and my family. Oh Lord, I love you so very much. Thank You Jesus so much for Your love for me! I praise You Jesus! I exalt You, Lord, I magnify Your name! :)

Update

Update

Praise the Lord that Dr Beh is due to discuss with two doctors specialized in Gendicine to solve the blood clot around the right lung. Please pray for God's wisdom to be poured on these doctors during the discussion. I just feel so blessed that God's hand is at work to bring these docs together during this complication but nothing is impossible to God.

Hamir just prayed for me over the phone. The anointing was so strong I started to cry. I felt the Holy Spirit cover me and reminding me that I will live! Praise the Lord!

There was suddenly a call from Heartscan Bangsar to ask me to come in for the 6th treatment. I was very encouraged by the news and after treatment i did feel slightly better. However, my brain became a bit fuzzy so much so I couldn't talk properly though in my mind I knew what I wanted to say. So weird! Thankful, my brain has gone back to normal again. Whew!

Thank you to all of you that greeted me on my birthday today. I am very touched.  Thank you so very much!

I am slightly stronger today because I find myself walking all by myself. Praise the Lord! The best part is when I start panting from walking around the room, I can quickly hook myself to the oxygen machine to catch breath and top up oxygen into my body.

Thank You for the surprise Birthday Party!

Thank You for the surprise Birthday Party!

Some ex-CCF members from church gave me a surprise when they jumped out one by one from the stairs to greet me "Happy Birthday"! But this time most of them came with their children. Previously, we were all single except one couple. They earlier wanted to set the table and banner downstairs before inviting me down. But I almost messed up their plans because I surprised Henry and my mum earlier by coming downstairs unaided! :)

Ee Leng even popped foil streamers cracker In-house. :) What a lovely surprise! Cheng Yi baked my favorite orange poppy seed cake. Yummy! There were just surprise after surprise, food wise, people wise - everything! We also had freshly baked bread, melon balls salad, edamame salad, soba noodles and guacamole. Yummy!

Tzu Anne wanted to repeat the little 'performance' I was made to do way back on 19.9.1999 (the theme of the party was based on the TV series "Space 1999"). I was so inspired back then to hold my birthday party based on the TV series because of the number of rolling 9s. But it back fired when Tzu Anne made me wear a pointy bra made of silver foil! Tsk! Tsk! Thankfully for her compassionate this round. :)

Coincidentally, a few of my uncles and aunty, sis and nephew also showed up and we all had a good time together. What a lovely blessing from God! Thank you my dear friends for the lovely celebration together. I will always treasure this moment. :)

Update- Admitted to Sg Buloh Hospital on 12/9/11 at 1.30 am

Update - admitted to Sg Buloh Hospital on 12/9/11  at 1.30 am

It was an interesting ordeal for me since it never happened to me before and I could not remember the main crisis part so it wasn't scary for me. I had to interview Henry and my mum to fill in the blanks. I can imagine it was a really scary and anxious time for Henry and my mum. So, here is recalling (with some help) what happened.

12/9/11 at 12.45 am

Henry told me I asked him to take me to toilet (even this I can't remember!) When I returned to bed, I got into a fit for few minutes -  my eyes rolled up and I clenched my hands to my side.

My mum said I fainted for a while and my eyes opened to look around but I was not responding to any of them. They called the ambulance and the men came to our room to take me into the ambulance. Apparently as I was so uncomfortable on the cold  stretcher, it was cold metal that I screamed "Dear, help me, help me! I am so cold! and there was adrenaline rush, I was so strong that I sat up! They brought along my quilt. :)

It was only at the Sg Buloh hospital at 2 am that I first recalled when I opened my eyes and i was wondering why I was in the hospital and which hospital. Henry and I were in the Accident and Emergency Ward (A & E Ward) when they finally placed me in ward 4D at 6 pm after 16 hours. It did turn out that A & E ward was better coz it was air conditioned, the service was better coz there were more staff in a smaller section. It was still comfortable in ward 4D coz we each had a ceiling fan over every bed. God poured rain everyday, His showers of blessings to cool the weather each day! Praise the Lord!

They first put oxygen as soon as I was in the ambulance and I kept fighting against it until about 2 am. They continued with oxygen when I was in A & E and they gave me saline and sodium drip as soon as the doc diagnosed me for low in sodium.

Day 2 - 13/9/11

Still groggy but better appetite today. Still on drip for more saline.

Day 3 - 14/9/11

I found out the doctor was going to withdraw fluid from my lungs even though we didn't suggest. Now that is really scary for me. I always thought withdrawing was from the lungs itself but apparently not! The fluid is outside the lungs and pushing the lungs so that it is difficult to expand. He poked a tiny needle in on my ride side of the ribcage after local anesthesia onto the spot and he managed to suck out 1.2 liters of straw fluid with a bit of blood stain. 

Doc still insist I stay an additional night because my sodium level was only 1.26 and not hit the recommended 1.30 level yet. I was immediately put back on the drip. 

I had some aches on my bum coz of so much rest and difficulty sleeping so guess what I received? 5 ml of morphine! It taste like bitter 7 up ha ha! They had no codeine DF118, only morphine. Interesting.

Day 4  - 15/9/11

After another bag of sodium in saline, I finally hit the sodium level of 130! praise the Lord! I was finally discharged at 12.30 pm and the timing was very good as we had time to go home to freshen up, rest and make our way to Heartscan Bangsar to meet Dr Beh for the Gendicine treatment which must take place every 3 to 4 days. 

The blessed experience from the few minutes of fit which I do not remember suffering was my sodium level was pumped up and the fluid was withdrawn from outside my lungs and I was fed with more oxygen. :) thank you Jesus. That is what You mean when Your best interest takes place from certain ordeals!

Back with Dr Beh, he decided he would use the saline drip to carry out both P53 and for the withdrawal of fluid outside the lungs. This was because a scan showed that there was still a lot of fluid which was adding pressure to the lungs still causing me breathlessness when I move around.

He poked from the same area as Dr Aaron Hew of Sg Buloh hospital did.  But it was all dry even after several poking. He said that means me the whiteness on the scan represents blood clot which is worse coz it is nothing Dr Beh can do. It hit me suddenly that is how God will show me when there is a turnaround, it is through His hand in whatever He will use or directly from His power. Now, it seems impossible to men but all things are possible with God. I put my hope and my trust in God because I AM HELPED! :) Praise the Lord! :)

We bought an oxygen machine and a heart and oxygen pacer from Maycare in Bangsar. Ethan is so cute. He loves to measure his oxygen level to 100 and quickly passes the pacer to me so that I can get 100 too! Such a joy. Without the pacer my reading for oxygen level is 92. Normal is between 95 to 100. My heart rate can be between 80 to 111 even resting! Currently with the oxygen tube on, my oxygen level is 98 and my heartbeat resting is 92.

Thank you for all your love, prayer and support even by visits from some of you. :) We feel so loved! :) Thank you so very much especially for Henry who must have gone through a lot each day running  up and down and even going back home each night and back every morning. 

Ethan says "poor thing" to me and I said "no" and he quickly corrects himself and say "mummy is strong and healthy in Jesus' name!" :) he is entertaining me now with lots of his art work, a heart, 2 combs, a fan and a flat lantern of cowboys and aliens all made of paper. Very entertaining. Nic is just happy I am home with them right now. I miss them all too. :)