Tuesday, January 18, 2011

An intercessor at work!

So sweet, I must also share that this morning while I was asleep, I heard a distinct female voice saying "Elizabeth, I am praying for you now". It was not my voice, it wasn't a dream, just a clear voice. So, I got up and it was 6 something in the morning. I started to pray in tongues and after 15 minutes, i started to be at peace and falling asleep again. I was trying to pray another 15 minutes but then after awhile, I just let go and fell asleep knowing my God would understand me.

Update - researching

Thanks for asking Tony and maybe all of you can help us pray.

Option 1:
Chemo alinta / gemcitabin
They apparently don't have much side effects and not as bad. I am personally praying if this is the option, God will work a miracle to take me through two cycles only and so I can go back on nutrition to build my immune system.

Option 2:
Low dose naltrexone plus nutrition
A clever drug that boosts immune system by artificially making the body release endorphins. Because the drug is cheap nobody tries to push this drug coz actually it is used to inhibit addiction to drugs or alcohol. Our onco said she never heard of the drug but Henry is not surprised she said this. Henry's cousin says she thinks it will be tough to get an onco to prescribe this drug because it is not cancer related. So we are trying to ask several people to help us find out if they can the drug or prescribe it.. So sad, the drug is there but no one to prescribe!

Option 3 nutrition only

Spoke to Joanne chee. We had a good chat with her and received good info from her regarding the supplements I had missed out like protein powder, anti oxidants, coQ 10, vit c, vit b, juicing up to 5-6 times, exercise etc. She is pro no chemo.

If I was feeling good with no pain I would certainly opt for option 3 but there is nagging pain on my back, sometimes there, sometimes not, sometimes like it is going to break out in nerve pain, still coughing sometimes, lympnode pain under my jaw at the right side of neck. So my mind keeps shifting from no chemo to 2 cycles of chemo. Henry thinks since the cancer is aggressive, nutrition will take some time to take effect and I have been on part of the nutrition all this while. King Wai said i have to come before God and decide and i can't be a baby and get Henry to decide for me.

I think it is no harm getting opinions. This morning I read this part in the bible that is so apt:

Psalm 143:7-12

 7 Answer me quickly, LORD;
   my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
   or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
   for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
   for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, LORD,
   for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
   for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
   lead me on level ground.

 11 For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
   in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
   destroy all my foes,
   for I am your servant.

And so I started to pray in tongues. Yesterday ps Sasha and ps Chris came to pray for me and she is so sweet, she is dedicating 30 mins of her time everyday to pray in the spirit for me. She asked me to find someone else to pray for me for 30 mins daily too like manner. There is this book by Duch Sheet called 'intercessory prayer' where his wife had a cyst the size of a ping pong ball and needed surgery but he asked the doctor to give him time before operating. The doc gave them 2 months and if it is still there, she must be operated on. He prayed everyday 5 mins in understanding and the rest, just travailing in prayer in the spirit for 55 mins and now and then he would have visions of God's hand squeezing the cyst and crushing it. After one week, the wife would say the pain is getting lesser, second week lesser and third week, the pain left her and the fourth week, went to see the doc and doc said the cyst is no longer there! Praise the lord! Inspired by this she is dedicating 30 mins in the spirit for me. Oh, the power of prayer. It really encouraged me more to pray in tongues and this morning while exercising, I just continuously prayed in the spirit. I know wonderful things happen when we pray in the spirit because we communicate to God spirit to spirit and not head to spirit.

So, I need to decide. It shouldn't be so tough knowing He loves me so much. It is the pain but now I have exercised and praised Him, I don't feel the pain so much. That should be the way. I will keep pressing in in the spirit. Father God, I commit even this research of the low dose naltrexone and its availability into your hands. Show Henry and I clearly o lord, where we should go, direct our paths Lord for to you we entrust our lives. Rescue me o lord from this cancer, silence my enemies o Lord. I bind and break every cancer every work of darkness assigned to me in Jesus name. O Lord, let your healing flow Lord, let your healing flow. Strengthen me by the power of your Holy Spirit into my spirit man, quicken my entire being O Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Update - no pain!

Thank u so much for all your prayers. Things have been falling together since my last blog this morning, all glory to God. First I found the pain killer but I don't think it did much. Then I called hamir n he was at lake gardens praying for me n he was so happy I called at the right time. So he sang songs to God, sensed my hopelessness and discouragement, prayed for me in understanding and in tongues n I just sensed God's presence after that. So he told me to put down the phone n just continue enjoying his presence. I continued praising Him but it was tough w my croaky voice but I just persevered n then i broke down n cried n my mum stepped into the house just then n prayed w me. Then Henry stepped in with painkillers from dr foo SJMC n I took them and mum gave me dr xenegy by Elken to relieve the bloated stomach. Then mrs gong whom I met at elpizo called me n prayed w me and gave me some scripture to meditate on n then I slept so well coz the drug took effect.

Now I am feeling good, absolutely no pain, I've let out a lot of air because of dr xenegy product and I had such a good rest and I am bright n chirpy now n wanting to praise God! My mum said it is like magic. A 180 degree turn. All praise n glory to God who loves us so!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Update - pain

Nerve pain at back, twitching, so difficult to find the right position to sleep. Chest tight. This morning feels like stomach cramp too. Oh,
it's terrible. Continued to stand on His word and bind and break the cancer. Told Henry whatever we're deciding on, we should act fast and
commit to God first. We pray that we can locate the supplier of some low dose naltrexone. I am not sure what to do with all this pain, whether there is some pain killer to take. But I suspect it is also fear setting in and I have it keep focussing on God. I had nerve pain before and i t normally goes away after I sleep it off but last night was particularly rough for me. I don't want to rush in for chemo
because of the pain coz I know that is wrong. Whatever it is we need to commit to God first. That naltrexone drug is an interesting find with good outcome and has lifted my spirit. At least I won't have to take chemo but not sure if we can find the supplier. Please pray for
Henry as he tries. We asked God for open doors and closed doors so we can easily decide. Please pray my pain will subside - chest, cough,
back pain, stomach cramp.

I found several verses that encouraged us on how leads our steps. :)

Psalm 37:23-24

"The LORD makes firm the steps 
   of the one who delights in him; 
though he may stumble, he will not fall, 
   for the LORD upholds him with his hand"

Proverbs 16:3

Commit your works to the LORD
         And your plans will be established. 

Proverbs 16:7

When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
         He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. 

Proverbs 16:9

The mind of man plans his way,
         But the LORD directs his steps. 

2 chronicles 26:5

He sought God during the days of Zechariah, who instructed him in the fear of God. As long as he sought the LORD, God gave him success.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Spirit of Stubbornness

1 Samuel 15:23

"Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the LORD, he has rejected you as king."

The morning after my ct scan, my cousin Tammy called me and she had some hard sayings for me to digest. She said she sensed from God on the day of ct scan that it wasn't going to be good. The only time I had bad vibes was going under a bridge toward SJMC and it had this big billboard that said "kanser". Can someone please tear it down? It is like speaking death 24 7.

Anyway, she had wanted to tell me months ago but was not sure whether to say it as it may discourage me and she prayed about it and even with Richard before telling me. She sensed God saying that there is a spirit of stubbornness within me, as I was stubborn so even the cancer has grown stubborn. She sensed it may be because I was going back to work. Anyway, she told me to go before the Lord and see if there was any areas in my life that I have not surrendered totally to Him. I wasn't angry and when she put down the phone and approached God I started to cry. I was sorry I tried to do things my way and I started thinking of what I did.

Even when He had a purpose for me as a mission family and to teach bible class and he called me an able vessel, I went back to work instead to try to share my testimonies to my colleagues thinking maybe this time I might be successful to share Jesus with some of them. 

But my cousin reminded me that if it wasn't God's timing, it would be ineffective to even reach out to my colleagues. God has entrusted to me a few people to reach out to and these are the ones that I should hear from His spirit how to minister to them. It is when I reach out to these people, just the little that I do, I see God's awesome power and all glory just goes to Him. 

And here I was trying to do things my way because I also felt I could do with the extra income to cover my expenses mainly the car so that I could travel for classes. At one point Henry suggested selling off my car. Yet, God had already provided me monthly Socso contribution if I should have to stop work. And did He also not tell me through strangers that He would prosper me financially and it did materialize recently? Is He not God who loves us and provides for us? We only need to act on His prompting and obey and in that little subtle move, I had failed.  

I felt sad that I had anguished God's heart and I felt His rebuke and I asked for His forgiveness but not without much pain and crying.

As I reached my mum's house, my mum asked if everything is alright and I shook my head and said very downcast almost in tears, "No, God is rebuking me". At that moment, Sue Shiew smsed me a prayer and I shared with her what I was going through and she said to know where we had gone wrong and move on and delve in it no more. At the moment when I felt condemned (and i knew it was not like God to condemn me (discipline yes)), He sent people to my side to tell me so. Thanks Sue for listening to the Holy Spirit.

We can't deceive God. He knows our secret thoughts and our motives, He knows our real motives for wanting to plant a mega church, why we do not want to reconcile with our brothers, why we drink and party, why we work so late, why we stay to wee hours in the morning on the Internet, even why we are evangelizing at work INSTEAD OF of obeying Him. God wants his people to have obedient hearts and He is not interested in people who do religious works or sacrifices.

I know He has forgiven me because of His word in 1 John 1:9

'9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'

...not only forgive my sins but to purify me from all unrighteousness. 

That night I flipped open the bible and saw this passage from Psalm 38 staring at me and this was the anguish I felt and also I realized now there was no health in my body during the period of His rebuke. I had been slowly creeping back to my old ways of wanting to do things my way rather than listen to His promptings.

Psalm 38:1-7

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.
Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin.
My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.
My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.
I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.

I went for a healing praise at EFC in SS 1 PJ the following night and I just poured my heart out to Him. I felt Him respond when Ps Leon quoted Psalm 91:14

'Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name'

I shared my testimony of where I was at since the last time I visited them, how the tumor shrank and recently became aggressive and also the spirit of stubbornness and wanting to do things my way. They prayed for me and in their prayer I heard again of His forgiveness because of Jesus' blood, that He wants to do deeper things in me as He is looking for a pure heart and He is preparing His work in me. They too reminded me that God cannot be deceived.

I realize that God's spirit works mightily to transform us from within if only we allow Him to. That first night at the hospital when God said "Don't say you are only a child" from Jeremiah 1, I knew how far off I went from obeying Him and I sought His forgiveness then. It is much more painful when God uses others to rebuke us but we must be humble to listen and to obey SO THAT he can use us as a vessel for what He has purposed for us before we were even born. 

If we do things our own way, it is less effective and we can't reach our full potential compared to if we follow His spirit and just move where He moves us to next. 

I pray my little subtle sin will help you also come before God and ask Him to help you find out the areas in your life you need to surrender to Him. Now, that is a very hard word to me - 'surrender'. I asked God to show me how and to guide me how to surrender to Him, to be humble to Him and His word, to submit and to yield to His spirit.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Thank you!

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. There is peace in my heart, unnerved by the news yesterday of additional 2 spots in liver and a few more in my lungs. I walk by faith and not by sight. Actually, I discover that this verse of 1 Corinthians 5 a very powerful scripture. :) I just stand on his promise to me just as how Abraham stood on the promise God gave him. He didn't have the resources and I don't quite know what the strategy to take. He was old and his wife barren while my medical report shows bad news. Quite a similar walk. :) I looked at the sky today to look for Him, a heart maybe? But I saw S Y hmmmm, the first person that came to my mind was Sook Yian. She is coughing and so I prayed for her to recover and prayed for the baby within her too. God is good. :) then I saw a smiley face just like the last time and then I saw a figure with an outstretched arm like an angel or a man. I prayed for angels to pave the way before us as Henry and I search for answers. I pondered how I can see stuff in the sky when I am desperate but not otherwise and the difference I felt was because I long so much to see Him, I wait longer compared as how we're always on the go when things are alright. So, do wait upon the Lord this morning and he will show u great things. :) He is really an encouraging Father.

Do pray for me this morning as I make my way to office to tell my boss that I have to stop work. Spoke to my mum and Henry yesterday and all felt it is a good move to make to recover. Pray also that God will open doors for Henry and I to learn more about the chemo drug that the doctor advised us to take (alinta or gemcitabin) and other alternative treatment. 

B-L-E-S-S

I found the following question and prayer for ourselves or others using the acronym B-L-E-S-S in the website http://powertochange.com/blogs/experience/
It helped me today and I pray it will help you too.

Questions: Do you feel uncomfortable praying for yourself? What is hindering your prayer life? Pray the following prayer with the blanks filed in sometime today.

BODY – Lord, thank you for my health. Please strengthen me physically today. Ease the tension in my shoulders and head. Give me wisdom to take care of myself wisely. Help me to be disciplined in what I eat and give me determination to exercise today. Protect me as I go about my day. Thank you that You are a shield around me. I need Your help today especially with __________________.

LABOR – Father God, I give You all my efforts today. You know where I work hard and You know where I slack off and procrastinate. Help me focus today. Help my mind to retain what I study. Bless my efforts today. Help me to prioritize the important things in my life. Multiply my efforts and may my accomplishments be fruitful.  Thank you that my weak points are the very entry point for Your strength. Fill me with Your Spirit and help me today to _____________________.

EMOTIONS – Lord, You alone know how I can so easily be dragged by my emotions instead of being led by Your Spirit. Today I bring to You the areas within my heart that feel unstable and shaky. Thank you that You are my Rock today. You give me a firm place to stand. Give me self-confidence that is rooted in You. Help me to feel encased in Your peace today and to trust You completely with __________________.

SOCIAL – Father God, bless my friendships and lead me into purposeful friendships with others who seek You. Give me strength to distance myself from social situations that could draw my heart away from You. Fill my lonely places with the assurance of Your presence. Be with the woman You have chosen for me and bless and protect her today. Help her with whatever she is facing and draw her close to You. Bring me a friend to encourage and one who will encourage me. Today I pray a blessing on ________________.

SPIRITUAL GROWTH – Lord, help me to trust You and to depend on You. It’s so easy to try to lean on my own understanding. Help me to sense Your presence with me today. Give me a strong desire to read Your Word. Help me to understand what You are saying to me. Show me what needs to be cleansed in my heart and life today. I ask Your forgiveness for ____________________. Give me a deep desire to draw near to You and to make time to quiet myself so I can hear You speak.

Thank you Lord, that You are in my life. I depend on You today.  Thank you that, with expectation, I can trust You with every detail. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.